School forgot to put dd on bus and then blamed me!

[lucy5]

My dd is in reception at a school which is about 20 minutes drive from my house. I work and I dont drive so she catches the bus with my 15 year old brother. It's not ideal but it is the best school near to where we live and it is not what I would have chosen if I had lived in the Uk. Anyway, Last week after having spent 2 weeks setting up for my dd to attend ballet after school and to be put on a later bus by a monitor. They forgot to put her on the bus. I recieved a phone call telling me this and then spent 10 minutes phoning around to get a lift. When I arrived at the school, they seemed to have changed tack. I was offered no apology or explanation but was told she shouldnt have been on the bus in the first place. I had been given the go ahead by class teacher, I had triple checked with receptionist and at no time was this an issue. I got quite irate with the receptionist who was basically saying it was my fault. Only for the headmaster to appear and follow the same line. Surely at that particular moment the issue was that my dd had been found wandering the school and had not been put on the bus. They didnt seem to accept my point. I have heard nothing from the school, even though I have written to express my concerns. I have made alternative arrangements, so dd will never be put in this situation again. I am so angry, I just want to remove her from the school but I cant, as I am outside the Uk and the choices are limited. I know she is little but if she is to participate in any after school activity, i'm always going to be in the same boat. Surely i am not the only working mother without a nanny! Sorry rant over.

Is there a specific person assigned to be her monitor? Or is it just down to a random person remembering each week?

Sounds to me as if they're covering their arses for a huge mistake. I would be furious too. If they can't be trusted to handle this, you may have to forego the ballet.

That's outrageous. Do please demand an explanation. It might not satisfy your concerns for how they've treated your daughter, but you deserve an apology and they must not let this happen again, to any child.

Her class teacher was to hand her over and then the bus monitor was to pick her up. The infuriating thing is this is the second mistake in 2 weeks. The first week she was put on the early bus, taken off that bus, then put back on it again. After that fiasco, I was expecting for things to go well. Especially as I had written to class teacher got a reply and triple checked it with the receptionist. The last time being 10 minutes before the bus was due. I fell alot of buck passing going on. My mum will now pick dd up, so she can still go to ballet but its not ideal as my mum starts work very early and would normally be sleeping at that time. it's not about sleep it's about her driving with dd when she is very tired. I know I cant have it all ways but I expected more.

Can your brother ensure she's on the correct bus?

Where are you, Lucy? I'm in Belgium and a friend's daughter, who was 7 at the time, decided half way through the afternoon that she had had enough and wanted to go home. She walked out of the classroom, past two more and a group of children doing activities outside with a teacher, got her bike and pedalled off home without anyone asking her what she was doing or where she was going. Fortunately the au pair was at home and she rang my friend, then took the girl back to the school. School blamed my friend, saying she should discipline her daughter better and that it was not their fault.

My DD also escaped from her nursery school aged 2 1/2 by climbing out of the window, over a fence and into the road. The first time she did it, we read the riot act. The second time we took her out, told the school why and told everyone we knew in the international community what had happened. Again, we were blamed for not disciplining our child properly - outrageous when she was supposed to be in their care.

Don't think whether you have a nanny or not is relevant (we do) - it is definitely the school that is at fault.

No because hes not allowed to stay at school if hes not doing an activity. Out of principle, I dont want to put her on that bus. I am so angry with the way they handled the situation. They messed up big time and havent got the grace to admit it. It doesnt help that I already feel terribly guilty about her having to get the bloody bus in the first place. I am just waiting for the paperwork and then im starting driving lessons, lets hope im not a rubbish driver.

Im in Spain. Alot of the mums have nanny's and I think this is what the school expects.

Is there another mum/nanny whose child also does ballet lessons that could take your dd with them?

No, They all live near the school and because I work at another scool in the opposite direction, i very rarely get up to the school. I have to rely on the teacher a lot. I feel guilty for so much of the day that i am considering quitting my job!

Or even school. You would never know I am teacher from my posts

I think you have all the right in the world to feel as angry as you feel, however, talking in practical terms, I would forget about letters as things work slightly different in Spain, I would try to arrange a meeting with the head teacher to have a constructive discussion about how you can sort the problem so your DD can attend her ballet class or to avoid more confussions in the future.

IME getting irate (no matter how rightfully) won't get you anywhere. Spain is one of those few countries were employees and clients are at the same level, so if you get irate... well...as far as they are concerned, the discussion is over and they will send you, as they say it... a freir esparragos. However, you can get lots by swallowing your disapointment and smile while you ask what can be done in the future (It's difficult, I know, I have been through it, and it drived me crazy for months but that's the way things are and well, we need to respect the local culture, don't we? ).

We all would like to send our children to the ideal school but most are not given that option, if this is absolutley the best school that you have access to, it would be worth it to try to have a good relationship with them, is not I don't understand how you feel, as an expat sometimes I feel like stuffing everything up and heading to my home country, but things are never that easy... How long have you been there Lucy? how long do you plan to stay? I have noticed from some other of your posts that you are not particularly happy over there.

Thanks Chandra. The ironic thing is that it is an international school and is British. The local Spanish schools are appalling and the private schools have a four year waiting list. I do like Spain but, theres always a but isnt there? But I am finding it very difficult to break into the Spanish community. I have found my self in an expat bubble, which isnt really how I envisaged life in my new country. My biggest gripe here is education both my dds and my job. Both are international schools and I feel that they are very slick businesses with some very dodgy practices, this is not just Spain, I have friends who work all over the world. It is also not all international schools but here in Spain they do have a very bad reputation. They are too easy to set up and are not regulated very well. I think I feel compromised alot of the time. I also moan on here alot the time because if I posted "ive just spent all day on the beach in december "i would probably get lynched

Sorry, I got carried away ranting. I have been here nearly 2 years and dont have any immediate plans to move. Apart from my job and dd's schooling things are good. The job I can quit and educationally dds school is very good.

Oh no, you won't get lynched! actually it would serve me as amunition to convince DH to head back to Spain .

Oh Lucy.

These things are hard aren't they? dd started school last week, and I think we've been very lucky, but i still dream of the British primary system.

I feel like you sometimes (and I've said before i do want to go home in 2 or 3 years). You have all my sympathy.

Anyaway - Chandra's right - you should meet the head. regardless of whether or not she should be getting a bus, they obviously have a few communication issues at the school.

(BTW that cat - you didn't hit reply instead of clicking on the email by any chance did you?)

Maybe, have you got the one I sent about 15 mins ago?

Hi Lucy5 - I'm in Budapest with Ds (4) at a British International School. Here we are sort of warned that receptions kids and after school activites don't mix! The school wants any reception child doing an after school activity to be accompanied by a parent as they cannot be responsible for wandering kids. Maybe you need to clarifty their exact position?

I am deliberatly not involving DS in after school activites this year but then again I don't work so that makes a huge difference.

Ballet was the only one reception kids could do. It wasnt an ideal set up, I just wanted her to be involved with the other kids as we dont live in the area and they all know each other from nursery. I think ive got to give up work, the guilt is killing me. I was a sahm for nearly four years and last year i had to work because dh took a while to find work. Its hard sometimes, isnt it? when you are in a different country.

Just an update, got a phone call and a profuse apology today. Waffled about putting children first and not buereacracy[sp] and they were sorry that I had been given such a bad impression of the school. Blah blah blah but I am glad they had the decency to apologise. The other thing that happened was that every child on the schoool bus was given a letter with the monitors phone number, I think they suddenly realised the sriousness of the situation.

Glad you got such a reasonable/different response from them today after your "twilight zone" conversations yesterday. Hope you're feeling better, and more confident about dd being taken care of properly when you're not with her.

Thanks early, i now know I had pmt yesterday, but I am glad they did the right thing.

Just bumping for the nightowls.

Glad to hear it worked well at the end