Boarding school????

[Raebabe]

I have been reading the boards for a while now and I have several questions about boarding schools.

Why do you have your children board from age eight?
People are always talking about the schools excellent facilities, What are you talking about exactly?
How much contact do you have with your child?
How many children share a dormitory at the school?
How did you decide on a school?

Sorry so many questions.
Hugs, Raeann

I think yr 4 is early enough. It is a very local school and whilst they do sing on Christmas Day they do get to go home after lunch (parents etc are invited to the lunch). We are going to an open day in January and will get more info then. I took Ds to Evensong there last week and he has told his grandma all about it and how much be wants to go there. The school has a very good reputation but I'm well aware that there are loads of questions I need to ask before I'll let him audition.

"There are also state boarding schools (don't know if they have farms or do falconry)"

Indeed there are. DD goes to a state boarding school and they have stables and lots of horses & ponys. Recently they were given some pigs and I believe they also have chickens.

By contrast, DS's private school has no fluffy animals but does have a bar which is open on Thursday nights for the 6th formers which I imagine he prefers to the animals.

Regarding Christmas, just think of your other children and don't be swayed by the fee reduction or the prestige of being a chorister. Lot's of kids could be choristers, it is not an elite group but rather a desperate group of parents who want fee reductions or their little Johnny in the limelight. I admit to both at the time and although DS loves to sing I am slowly realising that it really isn't worth it. And to choose that path if you have other children is wholly unfair to them, especially at Christmas time. Basically it means that you (not you personally, iykwim) are saying that the chorister is more important than the rest of the family and children.

He's an only and will stay that way. The choice of being a chorister will be his alone. The fees would be the same as I pay currently and he wouldn't move schools unless it was to this specific school to be a chorister.

In reply to RedSuedeShoes, actually I think 3 months is far too soon (and, yes, it's just an opinion.) I don't understand why people choose to go back to work at that stage.. never have. Obv, many, many parents would like a work/parenthood balance in the long term, nothing wrong with that. But surely making time and attention for your children when they're so tiny is the same way to go for all concerned, whichever of the parents it is. Or, why on earth have them at all? I know some children arrive as surprises (my first did), but still... I honestly think you should make space for children in your life if you choose to have them, not pack them off if they're an inconvenience.

School I lived in has:
Fives courts, swimming pools, 3 mountains, a river, 2 lakes, boats and kayaks and diving equipment, archery equipment, guns/armoury, forest, theatres, elite international sports standard gum and equipment, tennis courts, netball courts, rugby fields and pavilion, cricket fields and pavilion, athletics tracks, recording studios, practice rooms, 9 Steinway grand pianos (and lost of others) a helicopter, etc....

State schools could never afford to compete equipment wise. I'm just not sure your hike needs all of that equipment to flourish, but if you have the cash... Why not?

Redsuedeshoes, there is so much grossly wrong about your 12.42 post that I wouldn't know where to start correcting it. Suffice it to say that any chorister parent will tell you that you are talking utter, utter, utter rot.

PollyPhonny why is RSS's post so 'grossly wrong'. That is her experience. Yours is obviously different. Fwiw a parent at the choir school I'm considering says it does take over your life and not always in a good way.

Mollie, there is absolutely no doubt about it: it does take over your life. And if you have other children who aren't musically inclined, you have to take very positive action to make sure they don't end up having everything revolve around their sibling's choir commitments - but to say, as RSS does, that it's 'wholly unfair' to siblings and that you're telling them that they're not as important as the chorister is just nonense. I have a chorister, and one big thing for me at the outset was that I would only agree to my child being a chorister if their siblings could continue to have a 'normal' life so far as possible (it isn't possible on Christmas Day), For us, this means DH working at home and me not working at all, so we can accommodate all the needs of all the children.

The other thing I really strongly object to about RSS's post is "Lot's of kids could be choristers, it is not an elite group but rather a desperate group of parents who want fee reductions or their little Johnny in the limelight. " That may be her experience (has she had a chorister?), but it is not true of the vast majority of choir families. In fact, it's insulting.

The very idea that "lots of children could be choristers" is rot, too. Heaps of children can sing, yes - but being a chorister is an entirely different matter. For a start, they have to love it enough to be happy to be in school uniform on Saturdays, Sundays and holidays. In that respect, there aren't that many children who could be choristers.

I hope that clarifies things!

I know of many talented singers who could be choristers but their parents wouldn't dream of going down that root. Even within the private school parent set there are parents who wouldn't do it because of snobbery. There are plenty of kids who can sing and mine isn't more special, he just had a savy mother who looked into it. When DS got into one of the most famous Cathedrals in the world there were people who'd never even heard of it. So we have moderately talented children (compared to the rest) who have savy, knowledgable parents!

Also,the vast majority of choir parents are either musicians or too poor to pay full fees. Good on them, but let's not make out these kids are elite or special.

As for taking over your life. Most kids make do but I wonder what his siblings will say when they are older. They'll probably be on MN recounting how they never had a proper Christmas! Still if I had the option of a free musical and prep education or the local sink school then I think giving up Christmas for 5 years would be worth it.

I'm not criticising anyone's decisions but was meerly showing the bad points of being a chorister. As it is, MollieO seems very level-headed and does not seem to be pursuing the chorister route for the wrong reasons, but it is still important to show the warts. Now being 10 times more likely to get a Choral scholarship to Oxbridge on the back of being a chorister is one of the pluses! {wink]

I have a girl chorister. She doesn't board, and they have reduced duties even compared to the equivalent boys (who have a relatively light load as they don't board either). They are all at different schools (state and private), but do get payment towards music lessons. The best bit is that on a snow day like today, she is in the music room practising for her concert. She is also learning skills of professionalism that I learnt at a similar age through amateur dramatics.

The thought of a possible choral scholarship at Uni is also good (although their value is pretty limited on the whole).

Im glad there is a debate on MN. I'm sure I will have loads of questions if we get to the stage of Ds auditioning. At the moment he is 6 and I've been told by his school and a performing arts class he attends that he has an 'amazing ear' and a 'brilliant voice' and has huge potential. He loves the idea of being a chorister. He sings all the time anyway and seems to understand the level of commitment required. He will obviously find out more on the chorister open day next term. We will then have a year to wait before he is old enough to audition.

I can appreciate the impact it would have on siblings although this doesnt apply to us. As for fee savings we would be paying the same as his current school except of course he will be weekly boarding. We are lucky that the school is very local to where we live, which I am sure makes a difference.

I would also say that apart from the type of school - boarding or day, university or cathedral - all choristers will get an equally good singing education. The difference is that the most prestigious ones have a heavier workload but this can be detrimental to the voice.

One thing to bear in mind MollieO, especially if your son enjoys drama, is that often opportunities are not available to them because they cannot be in two places at the one time. DS loves drama but we have been told he cannot get large parts. It didn't bother me but now I realise how passionate he is about acting it really gets him down. DS loves to sing too but he also loves the extra-curricular school life which he cannot take part it. All children have different personalities but it is good to be aware of the things a school does not tell you.

There are a few schools which have two choirs - Pilgrims and Christchurch I think - it's definitely in Oxford. If you are looking at any of these schools then I would choose the Quirister life over the Choristers at Pilgrims and the Worcester choir over the Cathedral choir at Christchurch. The singing education is just as good but the performance timetable is less demanding.

We will be looking at St George's in Windsor. Very local and the choristers get Friday afternoon and Saturday off. If ds still wants to do drama, dance etc then that will be easy to accommodate. The only activity it will affect will be rugby on a Sunday morning but I'd be surprised if ds is bothered about that.

I doubt I'd look further afield just because of the logistics of collecting at weekends. I'd want to maximise the time he is actually at home rather than spending hours in the car travelling.

Well I suppose even I would find it hard to say no to the Queen! Good luck, I hope he gets a place if that's what he chooses.

He thinks that if the Queen is in residence that she must be able to hear the choristers singing!

I know there is a lot to think about so I reckon I will be asking lots of questions of you and the other chorister mums assuming that is what we decide to do!

Don't send your child to boarding school when they are primary school age. You are putting your child under too much stress. Remember, there is nobody there who loves your child and nobody who understands or cares for them like you. Facilities do not make up for love at this age.
Your questions: we do not get to see each other enough. To some extent trying to deal with his absence is like trying to deal with a death in the family.
There are 10 boy in his dorm. Of course, this is too many. (Even children's homes now don't have this many.) The children don't even get enough sleep as a result.
Wanted a good private school with a good academic reputation which I could afford and which is near the airport. My son liked singing, so he is a chorister.
I repeat, don't even consider boarding school. There are a million more reasons why it is a bad idea, but haven't the time now to explain.

Lifelongtraveller, your strong in your opinion that boarding is somehow ?bad? and reading between the lines, guess that it was not a positive experience for your DC. However, I do feel that your perception must be cold and unloving parents is unjust.

I swapped my 10 year old DC from a highly academic local state primary with a track record of consistently achieving 75% of pupils scoring level 5 in KS2 across all subjects to be a weekly boarding over an hour away. Why, because DC needs were not being met. Also, given a choice between 30 children and 1 teacher in the state sector versus 5-7 children and 1 teacher at boarding school, not really difficult to say which side of the pendulum I jumped for.

There are a whole gamut of reasons why parents may send their child boarding, but my experience so far is that all the parent?s I have met have their child?s best interest at heart. Yes it is nice to have the financial choice to jump ship, mind you I will be living on charity by the time I retire, but the change I have witnessed in my DC since moving school has made both my husband and I wish we had know about school earlier. My DC is an only child and I miss them terribly, but there is a time when you have to put your DC needs ahead of those of being a parent. I would suggest any parent considering boarding primary age children, really establish that the school is a good fit for their child and understand what they as parents are looking for from a school. It is not just about facilities. My DC?s school is Spartan at best and does not have show stopping facilities of say the Dragon, but that is not the primary consideration when choosing school, more a nice to have.

Funny, at a recent social event with some former classmates, one commented to DC how much taller they appeared and once the child asked DC what it was like, said wistfully, ?I wish I could try boarding.?

As for 10 in dorm, didn't you ask how many to a dorm and look at all of them before signing up.

DS has his own room in boarding school. I looked around several schools and wouldn't consider any where he had to share with even one other child. He has decorated it with his own posters and bedding and it's very much his own space.

He started boarding at age 11, I'm not sure I would have considered it at a younger age though.

My DD boards and has done for a few years now.

She has been in various dorm sizes from 3 to 12. 12 is her current dorm. Its the norm that the year group below hers get that dorm but last year due to large boarding numbers the boarding house had to rejig its dorms and my DDs year group had to wait until this September to get into the large dorm. They were devastated. The large dorm with 12 beds is the most sought after in the whole school.

DD is due to leavei her prep school next summer and when we have viewed senior schools DD seems put off but the room shares options of only 2 in a shared room. She says she would prefer to be in a dorm with the hustle and bustle, cos its more fun. I have tried to explain that in a year or two at 15yo she may feel differently. She is adament though that she wants to be in a full dorm. She says she likee the thought of single/shared rooms in sixth form but probably just says that now because to her it must seem a lifetime away.

Anyway - it horses for courses. As long as the child is satisfied and happy then thats the main thing imo.

Its very hard choosing a boarding school. You want on one hand to have a good school and education side of things but that must run alongside absolutely fabulous boarding care. We have been searching senior schools far and wide and are struggling to find a school that really hits both - for our DDs needs. There are a few that are very good and we like alot but I dont think we have found THE ONE yet. I knew within 20 minutes of looking at my DDs prep school that it would be right for her. When she chose it from our shortlist, after a few trial sleepovers at a selection of schools, I was so pleased. Its been the bes thing we have ever done for DD. I cannot believe how she has thrived and blossomed at her prep school. I knew she needed the stability before she went but we could never have imagined it would be such a roaring success for her.