DS Auhust Birthday and struggling at school

[annemarie1965]

My son is about to finish his first term in year 1 at an independent school. Although there are a number of other children in his year with birthdays in july and August he is really struggling. I was told at the parents evening that he is below average across the board and managed to get the teacher to tell me ( under duress) that he was way below bottom of the class. He is a sensitive child and well aware of his ability so It is making him very unhappy. We have tears almost every day. I have arranged ti have him assesed for dyslexia when he is 6 as we have a lot of Dyslexia in my family but in the mean time I need to try and help my son so that his school hours are not totally miserable. Any suggestions would be most welcome.
Thank you

Is the school a highly academic pressured school? Was entry selective?

If so, it may be better to look for a less pressured environment.

Alos look into an assessment for dyslexia so you know exactly what his needs are. if he does need extra help with this you may find the state sector is better for him as they tend to have better set up for special needs.

It is really not nice for a child to be bottom of the class and could seriously hit his confidence.

Don't give up on him, blame him or in any way let him know that you feel this way. 6 is so very, very young - don't forget that in many countries, children haven't even started formal education yet. If he continues to struggle, you may need to decide it is not the right school for him - but because they are failing him, not the other way around.

My DB struggled all the way through school, in a family of pretty high fliers. He failed most of his exams and was made to feel like shit. In his 40s, he recently got a First in his OU degree, whilst working full-time (the only one of us to get a first in the end!).

My DPs basically thought if him as the 'dim' one, so didn't question the school, which in retrospect was the one at fault, not my DB.

Discuss positive, constructive strategies for helping your DS with the school, tutor him yourself if you can, or get him a tutor to improve his confidence and skills if you can't.

But whatever you do, don't label him or give up on him!

There are many ways for kids to be bright, and kids develop at different speeds. I vividly remember my DD telling me she 'couldn't' read proper books - I told her she could and she would - and so she persevered and she did.

Your son needs you to believe in him now more than anything, even if he doesn't believe in himself (and it sounds like his school may have dented his confidence, unless they're a lot subtler to him than they are to you). EVERYONE is fantastic at something. Find what he enjoys and encourage him, separate the things he finds hard into little bits and tackle them one by one, all the time believing in him.

He'll be fine. Honestly.

Should add my DD is the youngest in her class - 28th August - and tiny, too. But she loves it. It does make it harder for her, but in my opinion that's a good thing - it's always been stretching for her. Her older sister is one of the eldest in her class and frankly has always foound it too easy - just as problematic at the other end of the spectrum.

I think his age is a red herring. It's the level of encouragement/support he's getting that's the problem. And the typecasting.

It does sound like the OPs school is putting too much pressure on a 6yo, as he feels that he is not doing well.

Some schools do put a ridiculous amount of pressure on very young Dcs and, if that is the case here, I would move him sooner rather than later before he gets used to thinking of himself as being a bit stupid.

Have you had his eyes and hearing tested?

Has the teacher suggeseted a stragegy to help your DS? Does the school have a SENCO who could help out?

Why the tears? It is really worrying because he should have fun at school, regardless of whether he is at the bottom of the class or not.

My DS is at an independent school (reception) and he has some difficulties. He has been helped by the teacher and the SENCO and he is able to keep up properly because of this help. I can't understand why your school isn't providing the same help for your DS. I would be considering removing him and looking for a school which will help him.

Does the school have a reception class, and would it be possible for your DS to spend part of his time doing more play-based activities with reception? Or even move back down to the reception class full time?

Independent schools can be more flexible about grouping by age, and I have one friend with a late-August born, possibly dyslexic (and previously slightly speech-delayed) boy who was struggling and miserable at an 'outstanding' state primary, but was kept down a year when he moved to a private school at age 7 and is now thriving. He is now the oldest in the year, but only by two or three weeks, and it has done his self-confidence a huge amount of good not to be always bottom of the class and struggling to keep up all the time.

The only issue with this would be if you had been planning to move him back to the state sector for secondary, as he would be expected to go back with his original age group.

My ds is now 15. He also struggled at school being an august born baby. Things have levelled out now but I have to continually work on keeping his self esteem high with plenty of encouragement, praise and support. Saying that, if my ds was at private school I know he would have found it much harder as so much more pressurised in this environment (with experience). Have you considered a good local recommended state primary rather than going down the private route? I am totally for private (went private myself) but I know for sure that my ds would have struggled even though he is doing just fine now (year 11).