four year old starting school but still so inept at 'life skills' - help!

[2under2]

my dd1 turned 4 a few weeks ago and will be starting reception class in September. She is very bright and friendly and I don't worry about how she will cope with the academic or social side of things, but she seems to be lacking in all sorts of other skills.
I've been trying to teach her to wipe her own bottom but have given up now as she really can't seem to reach it and then tries to wipe 'back to front' so I'd rather do it for her.
She is a terribly messy eater - even though she started self-feeding really early (9 months), we always eat together, I make sure she has food that's not too tricky to eat etc she makes quite an incredible mess of herself and her surroundings.
The other thing is that she still wets herself occasionally - once a fortnight or so, thankfully usually at home rather than at nursery, as a result of not making it onto the toilet in time.
Could I have some reassurance please from others who have been there? With her being my eldest I've never been through this 'starting school' business before and am starting to get nervous...

I would try not to worry too much 2under. There will be plenty of people on hand to help her out. They wont do something like wiping her bottom though, so be prepared for a few dirty knickers, but the chances are she probably won't go at school anyway. She will get there in the end about wiping it. As for wetting herself, this happens all the time, schools are well prepared for that. They usually have a stock of clothes for children to use, but if you prefer just send in a spare set with her name on it. They won't make a fuss of the fact, so others won't make fun of her if you are worried about that. With regards to food and eating, could you send her with a packed lunch? That way you can send in food you know she can cope with.

Starting school for the first time is nervewracking for parents I think, especially when it is your first, but please try not to worry. I bet she comes home having had a great time.

2under2- oits obviously a bit diferent for me as ds1 will have a full time LSA all to himself, but the school have been remarkably unconcerned about lack of toilet training. I'll send him in with a change of clothes - but I didn't get the impression it was going to be a major problem. Same with eating.

2under2

She sounds pretty normal to me.

I dread it when ds (5) goes to school without having pooed as I know we'll have a bit of a mess - it is getting better though. When he started in the preschool class he still had "accidents" which the school dealt with with minimal fuss, but only one the whole of last year. Send a spare set of clothes so that she can at least have stuff that fits and is hers, if worst comes to worst.

As for eating he's still getting the hang of eating lunch in the time allowed. He's back at school already and we had 2 incomplete lunches earlier this week as he ran out of time, last two day he ate the lot. On Monday he's trying hot lunch for the first time so will see if that helps.

I think peer pressure will soon show itself and she'll hopefully hone these skills quite quickly. As parents we worry in anticipation forgetting that the kids only tend to worry about the now !

Good luck

Just remembered something else. When I took ds1 in for his practice day a lot of the children developed a bit of a game out of going to the toilet. One little boy came up and asked to go for the 4th time in 5 minutes. His teacher said something along the lines of "I don't think you need to do you?" Then she said to me "i'm a bit worried about not letting him go again as I know he has toilet problems" - and she watched him for a bit. Again she said it as if it was something totally normal- I think reception teachers are used to it.

Awful confession here, I positively look to the school and peer pressure to hone my son's eating and dressing skills. It's one of the nice things about sending him to school I agree that reception teachers don't expect perfection. Please don't feel ashamed or worried if your dd hasn't quite achieved what you would like. IME children once at school adapt pretty quickly.

My son wouldn't go for a number 2 at school for years and said that lots of his classmates did the same, so that solved that

thanks for the replies. I feel much better knowing dd isn't the only one who is a bit 'lacking'. As the day draws closer I am getting more and more nervous - crazy considering that a) she is looking forward to it loads b)she's been going to nursery for years now and c) her primary school is a tiny RC school with only 28 children on roll - hardly the big wide world.

I can still just about remember when I started infants school - I kept wetting myself for the first few weeks but they had spare clothes for me there (but it would have been alot nicer to have my own!), then would only go if I had a friend come with me. One day the teacher told me I had to go on my own (I seem to remember she shouted at me but maybe that's a perception over time thing?) and after that I was fine.

I think alot of the problem with me was that I have a late August birthday - in effect starting school a year before I should have.

Sorry that wasn't really a lot of help was it?