Friend is thinking of moving her ds to another school AGAIN!

[pabla]

Right, I need some opinions on this please as my friend wants me around for a chat next week, specifically to talk about this...

Some background -

Her ds originally had a place at their nearest state school. She then decided at the last minute to send him to a Steiner school. She felt he was immature for his age and the Steiner system would suit him better at that time. Being cynical, I think part of the reason was also that she would have had to cut short an extended trip abroad to get him back in time to start at the state school.

Those of you familiar with the Steiner system will know that they stay in the kindergarden section first and start school proper when they are 6, which is what he did. She had vague plans that she might move him back into the state system at some stage.

Last autumn, when he had just one year done in the school, she was looking at state schools for her dd (four years younger) and found out that her preferred state school had a vacancy for her son. So for reasons I am not exactly clear on, she decided to move him. AFAIK he was happy in the Steiner system, though I think both parents (dad especially) had problems buying into the whole Steiner ethos.

I was concerned about how he would get on moving into Yr3 in a state school - he was only just starting to learn to read and write in the Steiner school. However, the school gave him some extra support and he made very good progress, as far as I could tell. Sometime towards the end of the school year, the school stopped giving him extra help as they felt he had caught up sufficiently with his classmates. My friend was not very happy with this but I pointed out to her that unless he had a statement of special needs, the school was probably not obliged to do any more. (I'm not an expert on special needs, so would welcome any comments from those who are!)

She signed him up for Kumon classes outside school at that stage.

Although her ds has settled in well at the school, I don't think he has made any close friends as yet. She also feels that he is not achieving his potential from an acadamic pov. She has now had her first parent teacher meeting this school year and feels that the school is not supporting her ds enough and is thinking of looking around for alternatives.

My gut reaction is to advise her not to move him again if he is happy where he is - he will be the new boy once more and I would hate to see him put through the upheaval unnecessarily. I kept my thoughts to myself last year when she moved him from the Steiner school - don't know how honest I should be now.

She is not from the UK originally (neither am I btw) and is always criticising the education and health systems but at the same time makes little effort to really understand how they operate - she was amazed to hear that children at our school are taught to read in Reception - she thought the "just played" and so it wouldn't matter if she kept her dd at home until Yr 1, for example.

I think a lot of her actions are driven by guilt - she feels she neglected her ds in some ways as a baby (she sufferered from what was probably PND) and is trying to do the best for him now. However, I feel she also wants the school to be responsible for any extra tuition he needs because she doesn't like the hassle of nagging him to do his Kumon homework (she can be quite selfish in some ways!) I also think she may be influenced by another friend of hers who moved her ds from a (perfectly good) state school to a private school last year - maybe she feels she should make the financial sacrifice to do the same?

Sorry this has been so long, but I am sort of dreading the conversation, mainly because I think she will take any contradictory views as criticism of her. When her ds was still at the Steiner school I went out for a meal with her and other friends. She was very scathing of the state system (which our kids are in) and when we defended it she got really upset - to the extent that the other two women refuse to meet up if she will be there too!

If her son has caught up to where he should be in Year 3, it won't do any good to move him to another school, especially if he has settled in well at his new school.

I know a parent that keeps moving her child around from school to school as she feels the school are not doing enough for her 'gifted and talented' child. I agree he is talented, but continously changing his school will not do him any good just as it will not help your friends son.

All you can do is be honest with her, she must want to hear your views otherwise she wouldn't be wanting to have the conversation with you. Even if she doesn't agree with you, at least you can have your say.

Good luck.

My instinct would be not to move him again and just review it with the teacher at say half term. She may feel, however, that he could benefit from smaller class sizes in a private school if there is no small group work offered at the state school. Think there are stages of additional support before being formally statemented but she'd need to approach the teacher and SENCO.

Has her dd also started at that school now? She could legally wait until Year 1 for her dd if she is a post April b'day but would there still be a guaranteed space for her ? There is a lot of evidence that starting school later a la Europe doesn't affect their academic progress long term but I'd be worried about a lack of self esteem if they perceive themselves to be behind. ds has been educated abroad until now (Year3) and didn't start learning to read formally until the equivalent of year 1 but doesn't seem to be behind those in his class who started a full year earlier. His writing and maths though are not as solid.

Finally if she were to find herself with children at different schools/systems how would she deal with it logistically if holidays, school timings etc don't coincide.

Her dd is due to start in reception at her ds's school in January. Don't know yet if she's planning to move them both.

It seems that she keeps taking action without doingt much research - Steiner School without really understanding or buying into ethos, state schol without finding out that they elarn to read.

She is either panicking - in which case perhaps you could help her take a deep breath and calm down, or she is treating education like fashion accessoryt and chaging it to suit latest whim.

I think you should be quite firm with her. how can her little lad be cinfident about making friends in schol if he thinks that he will always be whisked out within a year?

She needs to give him as much stability as possible, imo - be direct and help her anchor her thoughts!

Good luck!

As a former special needs assistant I can say if she goes down the line of statementing it will be lengthy and it could be yr 5 before he gets the input.Most schools do have small groups for children who need additional support and not all of these are statemented.
I personally think there are 2 factors at stake here his educational well being which to me sounds ok if he is on track as you say and more importantly his emotional well being.Children thrive in conditions were they feel safe and cared for and by removing him again that will become an issue.
If your friend chooses to remove him and asks another school to go down the statementing line again it will still take the same length of time as if he stayed so there is nothing to be gained.The whole statement issue is lengthy and standardly teachers are quite often assessing children and I am certain if he had additional needs someone would have picked it up.
It sounds to me like your friend has very high expectations that in itself isnt bad we all want the best for our children but not at the cost of emotional damage.If your friend wants this chat with you then she needs to be prepared to hear things she might not agree with and not like but that is what true friendship is about,good luck.

Tbh, from my own observation of her ds, I don't think he has any "special needs". He seems reasonably bright and from what I have seen now writes and reads reasonably well. My friend has gone from being proud of how quickly her ds caught up with his classmates to being disgruntled with the school and I don't really understand why. Maybe she secretly thinks he is exceptionally bright and could do a lot better... I personally think my own dd could do a bit better at school - she has a tendancy to "coast" but I don't see the point in putting the pressure on at 8 years old - could have the opposite effect.

She did have a good understanding of the Steiner system when her son started there (and at the risk of sounding patronising it sort of suited her more "alternative" views) which is why I was puzzled when she decided to move him. Again being cynical, I did wonder if she started to resent the journey to and from there each day....like I said previously, she can be quite selfish, imo.

your friend sounds mad. though tbh i do know of such people. someone i once taught went to three school s in two years. and in that place it wasnt considered abnormal

REgarding the special needs thing you don't have to have a statement to be on the schools SEN register.

There are three levels of special need recognised by the state system, some children may mover up through all the stages before getting statemented, other children will move directly to a full statement of special educational need.

The first stage is School Action. In this a child is reconised as having SEN which are not being met in the ordinary schemes of teaching. The child will be given an individual education plan and the teachers are supposed to work this into their teaching plans for the class and for that child. So for example I teach children on this level and their targets may be to learn so many new spellings per week, they should be given a chance to read, they should not interumpt the class for the first 10 minutes of the lesson....that sort of thing. The IEP is reviewed, and the child may have made enough progress and can then be taken off the SEN register......it sounds like this is what may have been done for your friend's child.

They may not have made enough progress and may need to stay on the regester. There may be new difficulties that the school feels cannot be coped with in the school alone. At this point School Action Plus, outside agencies get involved, Educational Psychologists, SALT, physio, EBSS, EWO etc. The child gets a new IEP and this may involve these outside agencies, so a child with emotional probelms may get a weekly visit to a councellor etc

The highest level is a Statement of SEN. This is a legal requirement for the school to fulfill, at theis level there is a stated level of support that the school must give, so say 15 hours of TA support in lessons etc. It is at this statge that extra money is given (never enough or soon enough but that is a differentand very bitter thread!) to support the child.

A child with milder probelms isn't going to get a full statement.....parents often have to battle long and hard for their Special needs children (many of whom have quite profound difficulties) to get this level of support. To give you an idea to get a Statement of SEN for reading difficulties in the LEA where I work a child has to be 5 years behind their actual age to get help......and even then they don't get 1 to 1 in all lessons. So a child of 15 with a reading age of 10 will get help.

sorry this was so long!