Should I move my 4 year old to a new nursery?

[Mo2]

Would be interested on your thoughts on this one. since dh & I have been discussing all weekend.

I have two boys: DS1 (aged 4 in Dec) and Ds2 (just turned 1)
Dh & I both work full time and they are in a local nursery. Mostly we've been fairly happy with this arrangement, and any concerns have been quickly ironed out.
However DS1 is now about to become one of the oldest in his pre-school class. A lot of his friends are leaving as they are already 4 and will be starting school in Sept, and in the last month or so his behaviour seems to have become really bad. Sorts of things I'm seeing are:

• lashing out/ kicking/ hitting
• being sullen/ moody
• general 'teenager' behaviour - lounging on the sofa - kicking his toys about
• generally being quite 'physical' and very noisy. At the same time, his former Head of the Pre-school class has left, and I know that discipline levels are not as good. Also we're a bit concerned that the nursery is just not challenging him enough. I know I'm a proud parent, but lots of our friends comment that he's a bright child - counts well/ has a great vocab/ knows all his alphabet and is already recognising simple words. Our plan next year is that he'll go to the local infant school (probably) or a local private school (possibly - depending on finances). There may be the option for his to join the nursery class of the same private school this Sept, where I know discipline is more formalised, and the emphasis is a bit more on structure/ learning. But we can't decide whether it's a bad idea, if there's a strong possibility that he may move again in a year's time. Incidently, he already vaguely knows a couple of children at the private school nursery, but his best friend is where he is now. We just can't decide what's best, and whether, in fact, we're just over-reacting to normal 3/4 year old toddler behaviour ?

It's a tough one. My dd was in a similar situation this time last year. If he was definitely going to the private school I would say might as well move him now, but it seems a bit potentially disruptive to risk moving him twice. A new nursery might bring new problems, too. My gut feeling is that once all the older ones have left and things settle down he might feel better. Children often seem to get very unsettled by things are changing around them, more than the actual effects of those changes, IYSWIM!

MO2- I think I'd keep him where he is, personally. I had vague similarish thoughts about moving my twins (now 4yrs 5m) a while back because they're the oldest kids at their nursery and I was concerned that they didn't have many other 3/4 year olds to play with and talk to there. I will be quite pleased when they make the transition to school for that reason but the fact that they- quite, quite rightly IMO!- love the staff at nursery makes up for everything in my book and they're also learning lots about tolerating and being kind to younger children which I'm happy about too. While I do believe they are both almost ready (in different ways!) for the challenges of school, I'm guessing it will be a shock after such happy and settled nursery experiences and they'll take time to adjust. I'd be very reluctant to impose a short term change on them even for perceived added challenges, I must admit.

For what it's worth, your boy's behaviour sounds quite normal to me... One of mine in particular has done all those things occasionally and it seems to be part of his boisterous yet drama queenish personality!

Mo2, if you're really not sure that your son will be going to the private school, I would be inclined to leave him at his familiar nursery.

If you feel he needs something more challenging, could you have a word with the nursery staff and see if they can help him with simple work sheets, etc. At my son's nursery they do this, but are child lead. If the child shows an inclination to read and write, they will sit down with them and give them some one to one help, if the child isn't ready for this, they are free to play with the toys.

Also, your son might be ready for some extra classes, things like junior football, dance, drama, swimming or music at weekends. As well as stimulating him, this would help him meet other children his age and make new friends if his old friends have left nursery.

Another possibilty - you could suggest at a parents meeting at your nursery, (it's happening with our nursery) is that parents pay a little extra in order for a specialist teacher to come into the nursery every week and give the children a lesson.

The behaviour you describe sounds typical for my son, too. He's nearly 4. In our case I don't think it's anything really to do with the nursery, it's just normal 3/4 year old behaviour.

At the very least, could you wait and see how your son is behaving after a few weeks into the new term? if you still feel all is not good, then make the decision to move him.

Thanks folks.
On balance I think you've all said what I probably suspected, but wasn't sure really - I AM reluctant to move him.
We've decided to wait until about October to see if things change once the new 'term' starts.
Also, I think all the things you've suggested are great ideas. We'd already talked about swimming lessons, I'm also going to explore some other stuff too. Thanks for your reassurance.

How do you handle all this 4 year old boisterousness incidentally??

Message withdrawn

Wow this sounds like I wrote this thread!!

DS is almost EXACTLY the same at the moment, and we have been going through this since just after Christmas, he was 4 in May, and is still in stroppy teenager mode. He goes through phases of it with weeks of really brill behaviour and then followed by weeks of boy from hell - ness. He is very bright, and just about to become the oldest at Nursery, luckily for me only until Christmas, and all his best friends are about to go to School in two weeks. He is just going barmy at the moment because he knows this is coming up and is worrying about it. He is very bright and articulate but also very emotional and just can't handle these emotions very well, especially when he is tired, and ends up lashing out when he is angry/frustrated He also is suffering a bit about being bored/unchallenged at Nursery and tends to go a bit off the rails when it is the Nursery Nurses looking after him rather than the pre school teacher they have in the morning.

I have found that the advice given in 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' has been useful lately - got it from Amazon second hand for about £5. All about giving him respect, encouraging him to talk things through, and giving him other coping mechanisms. Also the thing about setting clear boundaries to work, although he does try to push them a lot. I wrote a thread about the whole thing a while ago about starting school early and you might want to look at that because there were some great responses.

But to repeat what others have said his reactions and behaviour seem perfectly normal to me - I know how difficult it can be to judge this if you don't get to see other children of the same age a lot, which I don't. Bright children can be more emotionally charged anyway and quite high maintenance, my DS certainly is, needing lots of attention. I've made a point of giving him a couple of hours at a specific time each week when he knows he has my undivided attention (no DD around)and when he can completely choose the activity, and this has given him a feeling of still being important to me and of having some more 'grown up' play all of his own. Fortunately my younger DD is not as demanding of attention so it works out on the whole.

HTH, and let us know how it goes, I'll probably be askingyou for tips in a few weeks when DS goes through another phase of this (assuming that this particular phase ends soon.....)