Half a term in and have to change schools - HELP! :(

[twolittleflyingmonkeys]

DS started reception at independent school on a substantial bursary as they were very impressed. Since starting he has been displaying loads of autistic traits. I have described the full story in this thread here School have made some effort but not tried all the things I have suggested - have passed on all tips given to me by Ed Psych, SEN Inclusion Team, Speech Therapist etc.

Anyway yesterday the head asked for a word and tells me it's not working out and we need to withdraw him, and send him back when he is ready for school . I don't think they've given him long enough to settle, but the decision has been made for me :( I assume it's just the setting which he's finding difficult as he isn't like this at home or preschool. Sure, he can be stubborn but nothing like the teacher is claiming (unless she's blowing up a small incident to make it sound like it had dominated the entire day...)

So with immediate effect we have to get him into a new school Found one we like, but no guarantee of a place (although head is happy to accept him). It's a state school so at least it'll be easier to get support and a statement if he needs it. As he's had such a difficult time, I am soooo worried this is going to be another disaster and need to know how I can make his transition a smooth one and help him be happier there. Can anyone give me tips so I get off on the right foot?

Couldn't you home ed him until he is 5 and then try the current school again?

If they are ditching him because he is autistic, they are breaching the DDA ...

Boffin...they wont be ditching him...they'll be withdrawing the bursary.

Listen OP....I understand some of where you are as my DD in year 2 at a private prep is also on a Bursary...we feel under immense pressure to have her achieve....and I am in constant fear lest we lose the funding....so much so that I have pretty much decided to step back and take us all off abroad for 6 months to be with DH's famly who live on the other side of the world.

We may or may not lose the Bursary and we are on the waiting list (top) for another great state school....if your sons school ddoes not fit him then it is est you find out now....he will be better in a school which is not keping him only because of his talent or intelligence.

He is SO young that he will not even remember the current school in a years time.

Ask the Head if you can stay long enough to find a good place for DS.

He will be just fine.

Yes, speak to the current head and ask to keep him on there until you have secured the place at the other school.

I took my dd out of her nursery attached to a school after half a term. I sort of behaved as if she was done there and wasn't it great and now it was time to go here. Like a holiday I suppose. She had no idea that once you were at a school you were supposed to be there for seven years! She thought it was finished. She just took it in her stride. She is six now and she definitely doesn't remember.

On a another subject I once worked in a prep school in reception and one of the children was autistic. There was no TA or anything and I felt like grabbing his parents and saying 'send him to a state school! They will do everything to help him'. It was an impossible situation. The school just didn't have the resources to engage him.

Properly supporting a child with Autism in main stream education ( and I mean properly, not lip service) is very expensive.

Your termly fees will not cover this in an independent school not geared for it.
They don't have the resources nor the specialised staff.

You need a state school or an indie that specialises in this type of education.

It may seem harsh, but am absolutely sure your child will be much better off away from a school that cannot/will not offer him what he needs.

Home ed until you find an appropriate school.

sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. FWIW a really good school would try much harder with every child whatever their needs and I think you are well out of it - regardless of how your DS's SEN develops in the future. As Savoy says, your DS will most likely move on very quickly and forget about this school once he is established somewhere else

How about sending him to his old pre-school for a few weeks while you sort things out (if they have a place)? If he is under 5, you will still get the early years grant, even if he is in reception

Well it's half term for us next week so we have a week to play with/ sort things out with LEA. Yesterday we looked round a couple of very small schools (one with 50 pupils, one with 95 on roll) and are applying for the smaller of the two. He knows all the children in the reception class (8 of them!) from pre-school. Also spoke to SEN Inclusion Team again who are going to get involved in the transition (hopefully) and start the process of diagnosing him with Aspergers if that is the problem. Yesterday he went back to his preschool which he loves and he was apparently delightful, no problems at all. The fact that noise etc makes him so upset at school but not at preschool (where it's definitely noisy!) makes me a bit

I have to agree that the more I think about it, the more I realise the independent school just wasn't right for him. They do seem to expect all children to conform to a fairly narrow mould. Going back to our favourite school this morning for DS to see how he gets on in the class/ meet his possible teacher. (The head was very positive yesterday but we hadn't met the teacher.) If we feel that this school isn't right, I will home ed for the time being. Will report back on how he gets on this morning

I think it depends on the private school. Ds's school is good with dealing with pupils with mild Aspergers and ADHD but wouldn't be any good for more severe learning difficulties. Contrast that with the other local co-ed prep school that offers no assistance at all (and ds's school get intake from this school when parents realise that).

When I visited both schools (long before I discovered the difference in support for SEN/SN) I thought the pupils at the co-ed school seemed rather stilted (eg silence at the sight of the head). Compared to ds's school where the boys all seemed to be very polite (stood up when you entered a classroom) but sparky and bit cheeky. Exactly how I wanted ds to be.

Ds has SEN and possibly mild SN but the SENCO has taken a rather laid back approach to both (and both discovered by the school through testing). He has support but I've been the one pushing for more intervention (which they have now agreed). Having said that he hasn't been disruptive in class (bit of a one boy go slow). I do know that they take behaviour issues seriously and have arranged for counselling to support children with behavioural issues.

Good luck in finding the right place for your ds.

You need to find a new school for your child (stating the flaming obvious!) I would not accept this education for my child. State education is worth far more than a school which makes judgements on your child at such a young age and is not prepared to offer the help. There is no way I would pay for a school like this, even for a child who 'fits in' and achieves, I can't believe people actually pay for this type of school!

Rant over!

At my DD's private school there are two children with sn and one has Aspergers...the other is Autistic and the council have funded all kinds of help including an assistant and training for the teachers.....but then our HT is a very wonderful woman....it's not the end of the world though...I mean you don't want your DS at a school which seems unwilling to make any effort.

Op, your DC will definitely be better off out of this unsupportive school and I would take him out RIGHT NOW as they clearly have no idea about how to handle him and he will be very unhappy if you leave him there until you find another school place.

I agree with others that state schools are usually better at dealing with SEN as they can get the funding to deal with your DC's needs which private schools cannot access. Also they usually have a more positive attitude to helping a DC who does not fit into a narrow mould. Some private schools can be good at this, but they usually ask parents to pay extra for more support.

I would agree that letting him stay at his preschool for a bit while you get another school sorted out would be the best thing, as he is clearly much happier here.

And I would not THINK about ever trying to get him back into that school in the future. They are clarly not interested in developing his potential having decided to boot him out after only a few short weeks!

It's true about funding. I paid £20 for ds's assessment and £33.40 an hour for extra support (fortunately the school accept childcare vouchers for this, which helps).

I spoke to the LEA Ed Psych dept earlier in the year and they said that they have no involvement with private schools. Annoys me as we aren't using their funding for school and I do pay council tax.

Seems to me I am paying a lot of money to get my bin collected each week since that is the only service I access from our local council (we have to maintain our road ourselves and we don't have street lights!).

Quick update, went in to our state school of choice with him today, he loved it - fitted right in and recognised all 8 children in reception from his preschool :) However, our application has been rejected because we are out of catchment and they already have 8 there (which is their upper limit). However, we have a very high chance of appealing successfully as the school is not full to capacity and the KS1 class as a whole is not full. It does mean he can't start after half term and probably we'll have to wait until mid-November but they seem soooo much more accommodating and I'm more than happy to home educate until they accept him.

The lack of LEA involvement with SEN children in private schools annoys me too, MollieO, but as other posters have said, there is no way I'll be sending him back with the appalling inflexibility shown by his current school.

(Wondering if I have the nerve to email the school and ask for a refund for half the term's fees, admittedly less than £200 in my case!)

If they have asked you to leave then they should refund the balance of your fees without question. Why should they have £200 of your money?

Today I had a long chat with our local Child Development Centre that assessed ds last year. I'd forgotten that their assessment pre-dated the school's. They can refer to an Ed Psych so the LEA jobsworth who said they can't was talking out of her *rse. Glad I checked. I think the majority of LEA Ed Psych referrals to come via the school but it isn't the only way.

I spoke to the consultant paed's secretary and she is going to get ds's file reviewed based on how I described his current issues. I assume as it is a year since they last saw him they will want to re-assess.

I also spoke to the council's SENCO dept. To get them involved I need to complete a form and they will contact the school and GP. They will then decide whether an assessment is required. That takes six weeks. If they then proceed to a statement that will take six months. If he got a statement the LEA will not fund any extra support in ds's private school as they have an all or nothing policy, ie they will not pay the basic school fees and because of that they won't pay the extra support. Seems bizzare to me as I doubt the cost of extra support would actually be cheaper in state school and I'm not looking to get the school fees paid.

I'm going to go down the CDC route and see where that leads.

OP....glad he liked the school...he will get in eventually by the sound of it...in the meantime have fun together! Sounds like he had a narrow escape to me!

Local authorities are legally obliged to provide or pay for SN support for children with a statement of Special Educational Needs in all types of school.

I did think that too Boffin...but would that protect the OP's Bursary? The schoo can withdraw it any time for their own reasons....then if the OP cannot pay the fees...out you go....SN support or not.

I'm no expert but there was so much pain in your other thread and your boy seemed so unhappy I think the head's done you both a favour. It was just the wrong school, probably for both of you. When I read your posts I couldn't help thinking your lad might be better off somewhere else. It sounded as though the school was just not right for him and I don't think he'll suffer because of the move. Stop fretting about the bursary it wasn't worth it if the school was wrong in the first place. They've asked you to leave so I think there'll be a fair chance of getting the 1/2 term's fees back - they won't want you saying they asked you to go because they couldn't cater for your son's SEN and kept the money. The 200 will come in handy for days out when your home ed'ing. Put the rest towards a cheap holiday for you all between now and November - you won't be tied to school holidays!

That may be true BoffinMum but reality is that many private schools won't go down the statement route in the first place, they'd rather pass the problems on to another school or offer moderate support to enable the child to cope well enough. MollieO - we're in the same boat wrt LA and funding for assessments and learning support which has cost us 1000s so far; the only funded support ds has had was NHS OT for which we waited 18 months and which has petered out as he isn't that bad in the overall scheme of things and resources are so limited.

2littlemonkeys - agree with others you are probably best out of there as they don't have your ds' interests at heart. He's still very little and will resettle better with familiar children and more support. A friend who removed her son in similar circumstances form dc school didn't pay the term's notice so you should get your money back eventually - speak direct to the bursar.

LIZS - the OP has been told by the school to remove her DS immediately so notice does not come into it. She should definitely get the fees back for the half term he will not be there, and I think she could be entitled to claim damages against the school for breach of contract as they have booted him out without notice before he has another school to go to.

Unfortunately, I have heard of private preps doing this to SEN kids a few times now. It happened to a close friend of mine, her DS was not SEN but a bit "lively" ( I know him well and he really was not that bad). The school sent a letter after the end of term saying he could not come back next term, there had been no indications beforehand that the were thinking of doing this. My friend had to beg the LEA to find him a place for the new term, not an easy thing in the holidays. Luckily she found him a place at a lovely schools which said he was no problem at all. He is now a lovely well-mannered 13 year old doing very well at school.

For this reason I would always advise parents of SEN kids to go with the state system. They are much better equipped to give support needed. Private schools tend to just want to get rid of any child who has slightly different needs. Often it is partly due to pressure from other parents at the school.

Yes I did realise that, I was simply pointing out that she should get her refund with immediate effect, as others have, since the normal contract no longer applies. However as the child is not yet of statutory school age it is probably less easy to argue for any damages while she finds an alternative. You could complain to the governors over the handling of your ds' situation but they do tend to close ranks, and maybe Ofsted.

Damages may be a bit difficult to argue legally so probably is not a goer, but I feel that morally she is entitled. She and her DS have been treated shabbily.

On the notice thing, I was pointing out that the OP did not decide to remove her DS so the school should immediately refund fees for the rest of the term without delay. If the school is out of pocket, tough, it was their choice.

Plus any deposit they may have paid.

They are in breach of the DDA and parents could indeed try to claim damages. And they should. Independent schools are wrong to shirk their responsibilities to such children.

Also do people know it is possible to give 'rolling notice' to an indi school? This means you are not happy with their provision and you are giving them a chance to improve. Contractually you can then pull your child out at any stage after that without penalty (caveat: check this advice with laywer).

Boffin - hope you are right as I think Op and her DS really deserve compensation for the upset caused by this school and the school need to be deterred from treated others in such an outrageous way.

Interesting all this... similar problem to flyingmonkeys only in reverse. Completely had it with state school (DS is 9 and has been there all along). Had enough of patronising head teach who has asked us to consider that 'they may not have the right educational environment' for DS! He has SEN 10-hr statement and it has been years of meetings, reviews, paediatricians, ed psychs.
DS v high performing and prob v bored, too. Surely, independ school (10 in class) will offer necessary 'environment' but I would like to see if SEN funding will transfer (supposed to be for the child, not the school after all). Anyone any success stories out there? First time ever posting; forgive if abbrevs not right!