Home Educate or Temporary Private School - Need your Opinions!

[arizonagirl]

Hi all,

I am really confused and would really appreciate some objective opinions.

My ds is in year one at a private prep school where he is relatively happy - but not overly enthusiastic.

We are about to move counties and have decided after a lot of soul-searching that we can not afford to put our four children all through private schooling. It is a shame as ds is very academic and may possibly have been able to get a scholarship; he has a reading age of ten and is writing fluently and I am worried he won't be stretched enough. However, I can't bring myself to put some of my children in private and some in state.

We have visited a private prep in the new area which is fine although something doesn't rest easy about it with me - I am not sure why! Just small things like the admissions secretary not getting back to me and being rather cold.

We have also visited an outstanding state school where I feel my ds would be happier - more friends, lovely staff etc. But there is one other child on the waiting list.

Hence my decision....I can't decide whether to put him in the private school until a space comes up at the state school - it could be next month or it might just not happen at all. Or should I home educate him (I am a teacher) until a place becomes available. The private fees saved could be put towards clubs/resources etc and I would need to get some help indoors as I have three other little children to look after. So I would need to structure the day carefully. I would only want this as a short term solution as I don't want to hold him back and I feel he would miss out on too much by being at home for too long.

I'm really confused - I would hate to put him in a new prep school just to be offered a place at the state school and have to drag him out again. But then a place might not come up. Sorry - this is long and rambling but I really need some other thoughts on this.

Thank you!!

I would home ed to be honest. It could take a while for a space in the state school, during this time he may make friends and it'll be really difficult for him to move from school to school and have to start again.

Wise advice - I do tend to agree. Just worried that we could be waiting a long time. But I would hate to see him settle and pull the rug out again. To be honest, we would probably end up keeping him at the private school if he was really happy but we know, deep down, that this would lead to further problems as our other children start school. It has been ok funding one but four would be very difficult. Thank you for your thoughts!

I thought I was reading one of my pots when I saw this! My DC is in a nice prep...private...year 2. We are moving temporarily abroad and waiting for a place here at home to come up in a local outstanding state...reason being is that 2 kids in private is a stretch and youngest DC will be ready soon for school. My dillema is that DC is very happy at his private school but it is SOOO academic nd pushy that I worry all the time.

When we come back frm abroad in 6 months I HOPE the place in the state chool has been made available...or DC will have to go back to the private only to be shifted again!

Now in your position....it's a case of devil and deep blue....I can only tell you this...bursarys ARE available at primary level in private schools..they do not advertise them...but they are often there especially for the able.

I would start DC at the private school in the hope that some help may appear from the school (you do have to ask though..but they get asked all the time...not a bad thing)
and you can bet that if you do have to move DC he will be fine...they adjust...I have seen kids come and go often at our school...they all settle. Under tens tend to be fine if they are sociabe and happy...

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

This might not be just about your eldest child. You may have this dilemma all over again with some of the younger ones. They may not all get places at your preferred state school, even if they already have a sibling there. Do you know how oversubscribed it is? Can you afford to move onto the school's doorstep to improve their chances? The scramble for school places seems to be intensifying because of the recent increase in population among children currently aged 0-4.

If your son is at the private school and a place becomes available at the state school, you'd want to snap it up quickly rather than risk losing it, right? So you'd be stuck with an extra term's worth (or even more) of fees because of failing to give notice to the private school?

Settling into a new school is rather a lot of work for a child even if he is very outgoing and confident. It does seem hard on your son if he has to move again soon after starting.

What's the worst that could happen if you home ed? It might carry on longer than you'd hoped, and you might gradually get the feeling that you aren't meeting your son's educational needs and that he needs to be in school. Then you could send him to school at that point. It wouldn't be any great loss, would it? But to be honest, I think you may find that he does better than you expect at home anyway. One-to-one teaching is very efficient and effective: wasn't it once the preferred method of educating young children in this country (among those rich enough to have a choice)? The likes of Tom Brown, David Copperfield and Christopher Robin Milne didn't get sent to school until they were around eight.

Even if you do feel your son needs more than you can give him academically, you could finance a good tutor for a few hours a week with the bucketloads of money you'll save by keeping him out of the private school.

Home Ed. until the state place becomes available. If he needs a lot more save up the pennies for later on and in the meantime check out scholarships, etc., and try to remember that not all children's needs are the same. Is the new area one where peole are relatively mobile or where children might move into the prep at the end of Y2? I'd think about that aspect too. I think your post was quite illuminating. If you had nagging doubts about the prep but loved the state then at the very least I'd be looking for an alternative prep. Another thought - if you have a younger child who would get into the state school in September 2011 - wouldn't this escalate the older boy up the waiting list as a sibling?

In the HE topic, you will find threads about books on home education and how to find other home educators.

Just a little warning that HE very rarely looks like school at home. You may well find that you personally have to step right back from your teacher training in order to facilitate your child's learning in the most efficient and effective way. I like Alan Thomas and Harriet PAttison "How children learn at home" - a real eye opener (and I also have a teaching qualification which I do not find translates At All to the informal learning environment of the home)

Regarding the waiting list for the state school, be aware that new people moving into the area or simply wanting to change schools could go ahead of you as it has to be done in accordance with the schools admissions criteria. Conversley if one of your younger children gain a place in reception at the conventional time that could push your first up the waiting list as he would then be a sibling.

Just a thought.

I would definitely go with the Home Ed option - you don't want to end up with some of your children in private and some in state, and you are about to move - this is the perfect time to take him out of private, without it being nearly as much of a wrench as it would be at any other time for any other reason. He doesn't even have to be that aware of it being a financial issue, or about his siblings. It's just because you are moving.

So then you HE him until you can get a place at a state school you like (unless you both enjoy HE so much you don't want a school place!). You may still have issues with not being able to get all of them into the same state school, but at least you'll only be juggling 2 state schools in the same area, so won't have issues about different term dates or the idea that some are getting "better" by going private.

You are never going to be satisfied with the education offered at the state school for a gifted boy and I can pretty much guarantee that after 6 months you'll be looking for a prep school. If you don't like the school then look at another one.

However in your previous posts you were looking at expensive prep schools so if you can't afford them then what were all your previous threads about? There are cheaper prep schools than the ones you have been looking at.

I think you need to take your head firmly out of the sand and look long and hard at your finances ... what on earth were you doing putting him in a prep school in the first place - it's not like your other three children were suddenly deposited on your doorstep without you realising it

if you can't afford prep schools stop looking at them! don't even think of them as an option, for any of your children ...

start thinking about the best way to get all your children a good state education

aren't you about to have a baby and all the other are pre-schoolers, how can you HE - will you need a nanny? I feel very sorry for your eldest.

Sorry MeandMrsJones, many bright boys go to state school and their parents are happy with it. Parents may want to beef it up with a bit of chess and some puzzle books, but the op is a teacher so I'm sure her boy would do fine in an outstanding state.
Bit of a myth, IMO, this state schools can't handle gifted children thing...

Thanks for all your comments - good or bad - all taken on board and appreciated.

All comments are wise and I am starting to think home-ed would be the best route. AMumInScotland - your words rang home about it being a good time to take him out of private if that is a necessity. GypsyMay - yes, I have been reading up on the admissions criteria and we would look to move very near the school. Challenging but possible.

MeAndMrJones - I do have some concerns that you are quite right and we will be frustrated at the level of work he is doing. As a teacher I am well aware that there were children in my class who needed stretching and it was extremely hard to meet their needs in a class of 30+. I think realistically the only option we would be able to privately educate four is if I manage to find work in a private school with a decent fee remission.

My previous posts were aimed at this in mind - with me getting back to work quite soon. We would be able to fund two of them at private preps until such times but the fact that we are moving gives us a chance to refocus and restock. Just recently we have become acutely aware of other things the children are missing out on and would continue to miss out on. And the only reason our ds is in private is because when we returned back from abroad after ten years late last year, we were offered a failing school or nothing. That was never an option when we could get him into a good private school the next day. If we had already been in England and able to get on a waiting list it would have been a different scenario.

Fiddledee - you have been helpful in the past - thank you. Yes, I am about to have a baby. I have one dd in kindy and another at home. If I do HE it would have to be carefully structured with someone coming in each day for me to focus on ds. I would also ensure he joins out-of-school clubs for extra stimulation and socialising. I am totally aware that it wouldn't work with three toddlers running around the house and a stressed out, tired and grumpy mum sitting in her pyjamas all day .

This would only be a short term option and we would only go ahead if we were able to get a house pretty much opposite the school to put us at the top of the list. This is a whole new ball game to me and quite sad - but I guess they have to put some kind of criteria against the admissions process.

Saracen - I totally agree that we should be looking at another prep but the area we are going to is renowned for excellent state schools but very few private options. And the school is nice - it's just that the state school completely surprised and impressed me. And I just started thinking about all the other things we could spend the money on to benefit the children in other ways, including education eg. extra-curricular music lessons etc etc. However, I am still not convinced, hence my seeking all your words of wisdom.

Thank you everyone again

PollyParanoia - just seen your post . I do agree with you that state schools can rise to the challenge with a gifted child. It is obviously harder when there are so many to focus on but there are strategies in place with TA's and gifted and talented schemes in place. I am still in touch with several of my wonderful ex-pupils and lots of them have gone on to excellent universities (lots just gone off to Warwick and Durham this term).

I have the additional decision to soon make about whether to return to state or private having taught at both for several years and taken a break. I guess it will depend on who will have me . However, both have good and bad points and it is not as straight forward as often thought.

Why don't you find a house and then take the state option that you prefer from what is available. You may be surprised - I wouldn't rely on Ofsted alone. You can't get on any lists till you have an address anyway, and even if you move opposite the school you like you aren't necessarily top of the list - older siblings of reception children, children with a statement naming the school for example would be ahead of your child.

I know nothing about HE but for me the idea of having 3 pre-schoolers at home plus trying to educate an older brother sounds impossible - but try the HE board for more informed opinion on that one.

Hi sinclair. Thanks for your post. The other state options are dramatically different - I do not place every emphasis on Ofsted but do tend to find them accurate enough to know when a school isn't a goer. Two schools nearby are fine but have much longer waiting lists and the other one would involve lengthy transport and has quite a few 3's. So ruled those out.

We have checked and the top person on the waiting list has no extra criteria eg. siblings, SEN. They have also told us the exact distance we need to move to get to place one. I find this all pretty distasteful to be perfectly honest. But what are you supposed to do? We have been put on the waiting list but are third until we move into the area when we it will all depend on our new address. Can't say I have missed these fun and games up to now!!

I agree home schooling with pre-schoolers isn't ideal. Our ds is going into the prep next week for a day's assessment so we will get his view too but I think we are becoming clearer in our minds where we are heading.

Thanks for all your advice

But Arizona girl, even if you find a house within the school grounds that doesn't mean that you will either be at place 1 on the waiting list or remain there! If another family moves at the same time their child may end up ahead of you on the waiting list because of SEN, being looked-after etc. I think you should only consider the Home Ed option if you are happy to carry on doing it for as long as necessary (which could be longer than you envisage at the moment).

Presumably you will need a qualified nanny to look after the baby and two other pre-schoolers? Cheaper options of an aupair or mothers help are not really going to hack it in this instance so all your money saved on private school fees are going to go on that, rather than clubs, trips etc.

annh - I know, I know - you are full of the joys of spring but wise advice . Sometimes you just have to trust fate. Still thinking but good to hear your valid points.