Need advice on when to move DD from state to private

[dobby2001]

Arrgh have got ourselves into such an unexpected pickle, of a good kind it seems

DD9 is quite a bright thing and currently attends an ok but not especially meeting her needs local primary. her last teacher suggested we consider private education for secondary as local state secondary is pants (apologies to those sending their DDs there, its "improving")

Dh was initally very unsure, saying we could not afford it etc, but agrees to attend open morning of local independant school.By the time day arrives, he has decided that we can afford and we should take serious look.

Well it was soo much better than we had expected, it was like it was tailor made for DD's abilties - in fact she was having in depth discussions with the history and english heads of departments about their curriculums at one point

DDs whole body language and demeanour changed for the better whilst we were there and at one point she exclaimed "this is fab,can I start Monday?!"

Looking at the differance in her and how much we know she is NOT getting her needs met at her current school, DH and I are now feeling she should move there sooner. The school have actually offered her a trial day whenever she wants to come over and currently have 2 spaces in her current year group so she could in theory start whenever we want. I was initially thinking year 6 (so next spetember) but now I am thinking after Christmas.

DD however has become very conflicted as she does not want to leave her friends and the year 6 "graduation" with them.

reality of waiting till year 7 admissions is only maybe 20 spaces available and they are lways oversubscribed. No junior who passes senior entrance exam (thats all of those that take it usually) has ever not been given a space

I realise I am currently lovestruck with nice shiny private school so am posting here as I need some senible advice. I also dont want to upset DD but need to do best for her future arrgh (mothers guilt moment!)

Any thoughts folks?

apologies for spellings, writing fast

If you think that this school is much better than the other one, and you can afford it, and will continue to be able to afford it then I wouldnt hesitate.
Does it help to look at this as a choice between the two specific schools rather than state vs private?

My advice to you is to ignore the 'I love my friends' argument. They make friends really quickly. Get her in and get her in now.

I say you send her now,...of ourse she is worried about her friends...there may even be some teething troubles when she gets to new school and the reality hits....much more work and higher expectations all round....but she can keep in touch with old friends....and the private school will do all they can to settle her in.

Don't wait...the stress of entrance exams is awful.
I am so glad your DD is excited....wonderful when change is anticipated rather than feared.

I moved my second son when he was in Year 9 of secondary school. He is now Year 11 and is on course to do really well with GCSE's. I am delighted that we moved him but do feel that if he had been moved earlier he would have achieved even more. My third son has just started Year 7 private having moved from a state school. He loves it but is finding it tough. The boys that have come from the private prep seem to have covered so much more than him. This is especially noticeable with Maths. I think to be honest if you have the money do the move now. Both of mine went to the school without friends and made new friends immediately. Give her the chance to make the friends now and by year 7 if she moves on to the secondary school she will be well established within a friendship group.

Do it straight away if you can.

Remind your DD how much she LOVED the school when you went to look around and be honest with her, yes she will miss some of her friends, but she certainly will make new ones really quickly.

As late says above, it can be more difficult the later you leave it.

Best decision we ever made (moved ours at Y3).

thanks everyone,well DD went into school today and told her friends she might be leaving at Christmas so I think we might find it easier than we thought

Typically parents i have mentioned it to have been very disparaging and lots of "well if you can afford it" comments - not said in a nice way if that makes sense - many of these are folks with much much better incomes than us but i dont question how they are prioritising their spending oh and suddenly the crap school is fab and the hard to get into good schools are much much easier than they thought to get into.

Feel like doing what DD does to me sometimes and doing the big "w" thing with my hands at em
WHATEVER!!

soo moving onwards can anyone advise on how i should broach subject to DD moving with current school?

If your DD has already been telling her friends, the school will probably get wind of it anyway. I got hauled in to see the head of DD's last school (state primary) after taking her to an open day at the independent school I eventually decided to move her to for year 3 - she had mentioned it to her friends, and the school wanted to know if she was going to move. I was summoned in to the head's office and basically asked to explain myself .

But I think that might be a bit of an extreme example: the headteacher took anyone moving to a private school as a personal insult - she was even petty enough to refuse permission for an authorised absence to anyone going to a 'settling in' day at a private school, other than in year 6 when those going to state secondaries were also visiting their new schools.

I think it was partly to do with the fact that the ones leaving tended to be among the brightest, so with every departure she could see her Sats scores declining, but also she just could not accept that her own school was not the best option for everyone. So I wouldn't mention that a teacher at your current school advised you to look at the private school (even if they meant for secondary) as it might drop them in it...

Once I had decided, I just wrote a formal letter giving notice a term in advance - got no acknowledgment, and the head didn't speak to me for the rest of the term. In your case, if it's likely to be less than a term's notice, just let them know as soon as you have made the final decision and signed on the dotted line with the new school.

Thanks for that. The teacher who suggested it interestingly moved on after one year at the school - shame as I thought she was one of the best they had but i got the impression that newish head prefers younger teachers she can mould to her way of thinking - shes not an ogre, she took over a very poor school 4 years ago and is dragging it up to a decent standard - but NQTS are not helping my DD stretch her abilities, they concentrate on firefighting the naughty kids

I think I will try to have a word with office manager tomorrow to gauge situation. I dont want to cause any ill feeling as i co run a club at the school so will have a continued link there, but obviously need to make sure i get to give them info before DD's gossip des

DD1 moved from state to private for start of Year 7 and it was quite a hard transition. For various reasons, including easing transition, moved DD2 at Easter in Year 4. She didn't want to move at all because of friends but 1.5 terms later is very happy at new school. Says it is all just so interesting and she never gets bored now. (Didn't know she was bored before - just knew she wans't really happy or inspired).

Not an easy decision but I couldn't have moved her for Year 6 due to excitement at final year and all it entails. Would recommend an earlier move if feasible for you.

I would move her after Christmas; the more time she has to settle into her new school, make new friends and get used to the school's way of doing things the better. I put DS2 into the same private school as his high school brother in Y3 even though I had initially only intended to do private for high school. The transition in Y7 is so much easier for the kids already in the school, plus in our case DS2 is dyslexic and was struggling and the private school gave him far more help and support than any state school ever did.

If you can afford it do it now. You have no idea of the stress and hassle involved in Y6 and neither has your daughter!

I'd go for it asap as well.

Also, don't be surprised at the disparaging comments - you are only doing what you see as best for your child, but however you phrase it, it will tend to come across to others either as a slight on their own education choices (where they have the finances to have a choice) or as you saying my child is too good for this school (and by implication yours isn't), so the snide comments are their way of reaffirming their choices/child's abilities to themselves.

Change her now.

We had a similar issue last year. DSS1 (15) was due to move from collège (French junior high) to lycée (last three years of French school). He had spent the whole of his school career at his local catchment state school. We were becoming increasingly frustrated and disillusioned with that path and looked into a lot of private options.

When DSS1 went to his interview at the school he is now at, he absolutely decided there and then that that was the school for him - there was no doubt in his mind.

Once we had all the offers in, we decided that DSS2 might as well follow his brother and made a late application for him to the same school. He got a place (he is cleverer and nicer than his brother!).

Both boys started at their new school in September. It is not an exaggeration to say that DSS1 was a transformed child from the first day, and that both boys are far happier than they have ever been in their lives before at school.

Dobby2001 I say do it now! Your child is all fired up with the school, she has had serious conversations with staff.
Yuo might miss out if youy wait til end year 6 Are you not talking about sept2011??
Re the missing her friends... As posters here have said. The reality is that going into secondary does not guarantee that she will be in the same form as her friends. Most secondaryschools are big places and classes are usually big.( I taught in one for 12 years). Remind her that there will always be a moving on and there are new friends to be made. Private schools seem to generate a much greater confidence in a child( 2 of my grandchildren are at private school, one going from secondary and 1 going from primary) The difference after 1 term there was staggering. Their social attitude was great and their ability to talk with extreme confidence was outstanding( they were never introverted before they went there!!) My grand-daughteris at the top of her class in maths and science, far above what she would have achieved in the environment she was moved from. The classes are usually small , som of them only 6 to a class.
Getting the RIGHT private school is the idea. Ask to see the results of GCSE's and A levels. If possible speak to some of the parents. Best of luck

DS has also been a different and much happier boy since moving to a private school for year 7 and I now wish I had done it sooner, which is one reason DD has gone for year 3. He was bored stiff in year 6 - they did nothing new, it was all Sats preparation, going back over maths from year 3/4/5, when he was ready to get his teeth into some serious GCSE-level maths. There were a few fun end-of-year events and projects, but really it was a wasted year academically.

Thanks everyone, I am getting quite nervous and excited about the change now - its a bit like going for a complete career change (note to self, its for her not you, dingbat )

I had a quick word with her current Headteacher this morning after I dropped her off at school. She had yet to hear of DDs talk replying "ooh we dont beleive the things the children tell us" . Shes a difficult to read sort (ex, matron, firm but fair sort nuff said) so I was not sure how she reacted tbh, but she wasnt unpleasent, just suggested I made sure the schools accounts were in order - I did worry that she knew something I did not, but she then reminded me about another local private school that had gone bankrupt last year and all the kids had half term week to find new schools - she then added that as the school was oversubscribed this seemed unlikely and wished us well.

So off to fill out the application pack now and hunt out DDs last school report

Don't really see the point of switching mid year TBH especially since she'll have to sit the entrance exam anyway. That's 2 big school changes she'll have to make in consecuitve school years.

Agree on the accounts too.

Of course the school are keen to get your dd in soon if they've got free places because that means 2 more terms of fees but I'm not sure that's necessarily in yours or your dd's interest.

She'll also be joining an established class of children who have not only been there since Septmebr but may have been there since 4 years old or younger if the school has a nursery.

I would have thought it better to be doing extra work with her during year 6 to get her used to it, save some money and then let her join in yr 7 when presumably she won't be the only one coming in from different schools.

fivecandles the OP doesn't want to wait until Y7 as it's easier to get a place now. I think she is in Y5 now, not Y6, as the OP mentions Y6 beginning NEXT September.

Moving mid-year is just as straight-forward as at any other time in my experience.

Yes DD is in year 5, so we are looking at her starting in September 2011 or earlier.

The school only has 2 classes of 22 pupils in senior school (they increase class size slowly duirng juniors for children to be used to "so many" I was told ) by comparison they secondary with the best results in our area will be admitting 135 to year 7 next year.

Of those 44 spaces, more than half are likely to go to children who already attend the school,who have pased the entrance exam for seniors. The senior school is always oversubscribed. No child from juniors who passes the exam has ever been refused a place in the 5 years the head of juniors has worked there she told me.

You can see my reasoning for starting in year 6 now fivecandles?

In addition, from year 4 up the school make use of the senior school facilities for subjects such as science,art,music and languages. This means the upper juniors have access to bigger, higher standard equipment than would usually be at primary stage and for children moving up to seniors, transition is much easier. DD is currently at a junior school which was totoally seperate,geographically and culturally from its infant counterpart, all they seem to share was a name, so not only has she managed a move but also a differant pace.

I would rather spend the money i might need for tutoring (let alone logistics to arrange and get her to) on her being in the new school methinks - its just a case of when not if now

i would do it now, she will maken ew friends, be taught in a way to prepare for the entrance exam, and if you love the senior school asmuch as the junior part then you can sit back and relax " job done".
I am just agonising over seconddary education for dd 1 who is inyr 6 at gorgeous private prep but it recently joinded up with a public school we do not like and hav eno intention of sending our dds to , so am back on the school finding treadmill. would love to just have it sorted ! go for it , you will not regret it.
ps my dds prep school gets new children starting all the time at random points and they all get absorbed into the freindship groups very easily .

well I went back today and dropped off her application forms. The office lady (who was not one of the ones we spoke to at open day) actually had heard about DD from the head of juniors and we had a lovely chat about her likes/dislikes etc. Far from encoruaging us to spend money early by starting after christmas, she was saying "dont rush into anything, lets get DD up here for a day to see how she gets on", do what suits you and work etc - so no pressure to pull cheque book out

They are going to contact us after half term to arrange for her to go nup for the day and meet her future class and teachers - when i told DD at pick up time it was like i had said christmas was tomoorw