help - DD crying first three days in reception

[Spatz]

My DD aged 4 and 3 months has cried, I think pretty solidly, for three mornings running at her new school. There is a teacher and an assistant for a class of 20 and they seem very kind. I think she's the only one having such difficulty settling.

I asked her what might help her and she suggested bringing a 'friend' (soft toy) so we selected a small one, but the teacher wouldn't let her keep it at school (not even in her PE bag!).

She doesn't make a big fuss about going, but looks a bit weepy when I leave. She fell asleep sitting upright mid afternoon on the sofa yesterday too.

She has to go full days next week - any experience and advice?

Hi Spatz. Sorry I can't offer advice yet just wanted to sympathise because my ds (was 4 in July) starts school full time next week and I am absolutely dreading it as we still get tears when we leave him at nursery some days (he's been going since he was a baby) and yesterday we gor tears when we went to pick him up from nursery because he didn't want to leave!

I am worried that he will be the one that has problems settling too. It's really hard isn't it.

I'm surprised the teacher wouldn't let her have a small toy kept in her PE bag. Have you tried talking to the teacher about what you can do to help settle her? They must have seen this kind of thing before.
What about inviting any other children to play with her after school or saturday so she feels she has a friend (even if you have to 'engineer' the friendship to begin with) ?

Hope someone has some good advice for you soon xxx

Hi Magscat,
It has make me feel pretty low. I know she'll be okay in the long term because she'll enjoy learning and I think she'll like the routine, but this period is very upsetting. She did eventually settle at nursery, but it took nearly a year for her to go reasonably happily and it was much cosier.
Good luck for next week!

DS got upset at school and playschool

He used to be peeled off me each day.

Anyway he is now in class 6 and loves school

After a few weeks it changed

One of my friends put a very very small toy in her son pocket and then one of the mums handkerchief in the pocket or put a piece of cloth with a squirt of your perfume on and so it will remind them of you

You can also say that you need to come back to collect your handkerchief iyswim

Maybe a few kisses for her from mummy to keep in her pocket so that when she misses you she can take one out of her pocket and put it on her cheek? (er, the kisses will not be seen by anyone, including the teacher so there shouldn't be a problem with her keeping them with her in school!).

If you haven't done this already, maybe tell her what you will be doing while she is at reception (including lots of things relating to her eg making her a nice snack for when she comes home) so that she knows that you are thinking of her too.

Thanks RTKM - I have been wondering about smuggling a toy in, but it seems naughty now we've been told no. It's funny how dealing with a school again after nearly 20 years as a real proper grown-up puts you on the back foot!

I think I'll try the hankie and perfume idea (not that I'm generally that fragrant).

Excellent - perfumed hankie and kisses too - thanks, she'll be heavily loaded with them on monday.

good luck

let us know if it works

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My dd had a problem settling in (years ago). Her teacher suggested that I gave her a list each morning with my itinerary for the day. If she was upset, she would show her list to the teacher, and the teacher would tell her what I was doing at that time. It didn't have to be particularly truthful, but it had to be stuff that she would understand (eg. 9am washing-up, 9.30 have a coffee, 10.00 go to supermarket, 11.00 visit gran etc.) It made all the difference in the world.

thanks again for the ideas - I'll try them on monday and let you know how we get on. I hope it is all better by the end of next week.
You also managed to cheer me up

She went this morning with a perfumed hankie and ten kisses in her pocket after floods of tears and came out of school proud as punch that she'd only cried once when someone dropped a brick on her foot!

Thank you very much everyone - I've been a shocking lurker on here, but this drama prodded me into posting. Maybe I'll be bolder from now on.