Private schools and bursaries question if you don't mind!

[morethanyoubargainfor]

Here is the situation, I went to view a school for children with SPLD. I orignally went thinking i would want my DS to start age 11, (he is now 7). We went along and loved it, even my DS asked the principal "when can i start at your school?" told us he loved it there.

So all went well and taster days booked for him. Here is the problem, we have been offered a bursary for him to start ASAP. They take children from 8.

To be honest we are not in a position to pay for the fees ourselves at the moment, DH earns a good wage but we don't have the cash to pay at the moment. DH has his own company that is in its 3rd year of trading, we hope eventually we would be able to pay, thats why we said to start at 11 initially.

I was very up front with the school about it ll.

I have a good friend who thinks the idea of the school is great but today decided to tell me she thinks the bursary system is wrong and we shouldn't be funded by another family. I tried to explain but i'm not good wihth words! She then went on to say the school should be available to anybody with these needs but isn't due to 'class' . Her argument was that we only know about the school because i am intelligent and know what to look for to get the best for DS. The fact of the matter is i only know about the school because i saw an advert for its open day which i went to. Friend just kept saying she wasn't having a pop at me but she thought the whole 'you will be granted a bursary for ds to attend' is wrong and that i should not be taking funds from someone else who maybe also couldn't afford it!

So my question is Am I wrong to even consider this school for DS knowing he will be on a full bursary?

No. That is the whole point of a bursary - to offer a child who could not normally attend due to financial restraints to enjoy the education on offer. The school have obviously seen something they like in your son - a talent, gift, genius or whatever and want him at their school.

You may not be funded by another family - maybe from a bequest or legacy or just prudent financial planning by the bursar .

Your 'friend' is saying she would not take up a brilliant offer for her children if it came along? Sounds like jealousy to me.

Take it it is not a full bursary as you have to find some fees. If it is a problem now go back to the school bursar and talk through the options. They are generally very good at finding solutions to parents with no money if the head really wants the child. It is not going to hurt to ask - worse is they can say no and you defer until 11.

Your friend sounds like a very jealous, bitter person. A total cow to be honest.

PLEASE do what you feel is best for your family.

Please?

TBH that is what i thought, because my child is in the spot light for once. The school are very keen to have him because he has most of the SPlD they are specialising in.

morethan - as a full fee paying person, I would jump at the chance of a bursary, although I sympathise about the SPLD.

Some indie schools are fantastic at dealing with these. Are you in East Anglia by any chance?

Bigfoot yes i am!

Do i know you

I can see you live in sunny Suffolk - so do I.

A friend was considering moving her DS from the prep that our boys attend because he is dyslexic and there were 2 schools locally that specialised in dyslexia and have fabulous reputations. I believe he is moving at the end of this school year.

ds1 is on a bursary and I have no qualms about it. School wanted him and felt he had something to offer the school too so we went for it.

The whole raison d'être of the bursary system is to allow pupils like your ds to benefit from an education which would otherwise be impossible to access.

Your friend is jealous, do not let her views influence you. Your ds is the priority, not her feelings

I think that's what I love about the Independent Sector, and why I get so pissed off with people who think it's just for rich posh folk.

In my experience, these schools actually want students who have something to offer, whether it be a strong personality, talent at sports, arts, music, all-round ability, or simply that X factor for want of a better description.

Grab your opportunities when you can - they might not come again.

So your friend is critising you that because you got off your arse and found out about a school that would suit your son you shouldn't take the bursary. Madness she is no friend and is jealous and probably feels guilty as she may not have done the research for her children on what schools may suit them best.

Grab the bursary with both hands and I hope your DS will have a wonderful time.

You are not taking money from exisitng parents, past parents and students perhaps also some private schools have investments etc.. that fund the bursaries.

The school I'm sure realises it when you can pay you will pay.

Your friend is weird to say that to you.

Personally, I am anti-private education and cannot ever envisage sending my child private (dh and I are both state teachers too, so is big passion of ours).

If a friend told me what you have said, (ie they were looking round a private school they loved and got offered a free place/bursary) I'd be delighted for them. As I am for you! Hope your ds thrives there.

thank you everybody, that make me fel a whole lot better i thought i was BU, apparently not!!

He is going for a taster soon so hopefully will start soon!

Congratulations! Ignore your friend. I'd be delighted for any friend of mine too.

Hope the taster day goes well.

Yes, congratulations. Never waste a second feeling guilty about your choice of education for your kids. Sounds like sour grapes from your friend. And if your OH's business takes off in a few years you can come off the bursary to free it up for someone who needs it more.

Take it with open arms and in the manner it was offered and give your DS the best start in life.

She sounds bitter - please ignore her and do what's best for your son and you as a family.

We all do the best we possibly can for our children. Is she really still your friend? Does she have green eyes?

Of course your not wrong, you want to send your ds to the best school availible and one that suits his needs.

Like many have said so already, just ignore your ?friend? and don?t lose sleep over it because you can do without such ?friend?. I had a similar experience a few years ago when my DS won a prestigious scholarship. This is really the time when you find out for real who your friends really are.

And one more thing, you may think you are getting a bursary from the school, but I rather view it as an unwritten loan. Years from now when your DS earns big money, I?m sure he would repay the school many times over by donating to the school to help future generations of deserving kids.

Good luck!

I think you need to put your DS first, as you are doing and then secondly, get a new friend.

DC1 and 2 used to go to a private prep school and one had a scholarship and one a bursary for a proportion of the fees and there were lots of children there with bursaries.

Good luck and I hope your DS settles in soon

Just want to agree with all the others.

Enjoy being very proud of your DS, and happy that he has got a place at a lovely school that he is looking forward to attending. I hope he has a fantastic time there.

thank you everybody, i'm sure ds will do just fine. He hasn't stopped talking about it since we viewed it. That is amassive thing for him as he doesn't like change, new people or new routines so it is a really big deal for him. All he keeps saying is the children there are just like me, in my school at the moment i am the only one like me nobody understands me .