Trying to get DS into private school after bullying in state

[hilaryt]

I'm trying to get my DS into a private school after 3 years of bullying in state secondary. I'm worried about his school records though as he was in trouble for fighting back. Does anyone know what kind of thing will be on his record and if the private school will have access to it. He's not a trouble maker but lost his temper on a number of occasions after repeated bullying that went on for months that the school couldn't stop.

ExP also make false accusations about me years ago to primary (saying I was an unfit mother because I took my new boyfriend back to my house and he accused me of abuse (he's very controlling - he's threated to do this again if I pursue him for money through the CSA and the police have the evidence of this on record from my mobile) even though he backed down when the HT said if he really believed it she would have to phone social services. ) I am really embarrassed about this being on the record. It's going to look as if DS is from a really unstable background and I think the private school might not want him.

IME they will be happy to take your money. They will only have a problem if your son's behaviour is bad once he is there.

I am sorry your son has gone through this, and that you are being forced into taking the private route. You are not the first and you won't be the last - it is very unfair that you should have to pay just to keep your child safe.

Have you got a specific school in mind, and have you established if they have any places in the right year (is he year 9?)

My advice would be to have a full and frank discussion with the admissions tutor I'd head of year. They will ask for a reference from the previous school, and IMHO would be more likely to have an issue with unexpected (and to them unexplained) information than with his recent history as you've described it.

The private school is likely to ask the school for a report as well as some giving him some entrance tests. Is it unlikely that the school will mention the accusations about primary but may talk about his behaviour as that is more relevant. The 'file' will probably transfer with him if he gets a place. I doubt school will have time to read it unless his behaviour makes them investigate it.

Thanks both. I've found a school and they have places and I've been honest that he's fought back due to bullying. HT of private school wasn't surprised and it didn't seem to put him off. The state school tried twisting things towards the end, trying to blame my DS for reacting which is why I removed him so I'm worried they'll have twisted things on his school records to cover themselves. I suppose I could ask to see them but then it'll be a fight to get things changed. I just want him to go in with a fresh clean page. Private school say they will write to the state one but said not to worry they probably won't say anything bad as they won't want to ruin a child's chance of getting on.

Sorry posted too soon and have just seen extra postings. Thanks LetsEscape and verity, that puts my mind at rest a bit. Would be great if they don't bother reading the file as there won't be any need if things go well. I just feel so embarrassed verity but I suppose HTs of both private and state have seen and heard it all. Had ExP on phone yesterday saying he was taking me to court the idiot because removing my DS before finding him a new school was illegal. I know he doesn't have a leg to stand on as I've done nothing illegal but he continues to try and bully me and today it has had an effect, I'm very worried and upset. He hasn't contributed a penny or very little practical help in 10 years.

thanks verity. he doesn't have parental responsibility as DS born before 1 December 2003 and we didn't marry. He has a relationship with his DS though which I wouldn't ever stop. I wouldn't mind him being involved but he can't pick and choose when.

I moved my DS too, under similar circumstances.
Headteacher was excellent, made sure he settled in well and he thrived there in a more supportive environment.

Now 16 and he has done extremely well and is happy.

All the best, hope things go well.

Thanks coodles. I'm really hoping this works. Glad it did for your DS.

I moved ds1 to a private school because of bullying. TBH the head of the new school was very understanding. It is a very common reason for children being moved. The head of ds's state school was known for being fairly incompetent, and the school is known for racist bullying.

Nothing ever gets done though.

Don't forget - private school kids can be bullies too. I would say though, the private schools tend to deal much better with any incidents because you are paying, and they don't want the other parents to think the school is weak on discipline, so that would work in your favour.

My kids are in state schools but many friends kids are private and I've seen HUGE differences in the way even minor discipline issues are handled, and it means there's a lot less of serious type aggression going on, as the kids know it's just not acceptable.

Very true - my DD is in a private school - there was a case of bullying in Y5 and the school dealt with it immediately - everyone concerned happy. Although I still think the state school my DD also went to would have dealt with it equally efficiently

Yes - of course bullying happens everywhere. I was lucky to find a private school that did not tolerate it and dealt with it properly.

The staff at the state primary my ds was in colluded with it and pretended it was all in my imagination.

You won't know until you try.

The only thing a private school needs from the current school is a headteacher's reference.

If there are allegations against you that the school knows about, then I would imagine, under Every Child Matters, that they would have to pass this on. They cannot risk a child falling between the cracks. This doesn't mean the private school won't offer a place to your DS.

I don't think the refs will be a problem but there are bullies in independent schools too you know.