For those with children learning a musical instrument...

[Tinker]

...when do you admit defeat and throw in the towel? My 8 year old was learning the violin in Year 3. Hated it. Got frustrated practising it, hated the teacher. Now, from what she says teacher sounds like a bit of a prima donna (male - would he be a primo don?) - sulking, shouting, sending them to the head/out if got bits wrong. Oh, and very unreliable (So much so that I wrote to the head about him) When she was practising, at first she was happy but as it became more complicated and, therefore, more errors were made during lessons, she became a lot more anxious about the whole thing. By the end she was hardly practising at all unless nagged and saying she hated it.

She wants to give up. I, living vicariously,, would like her to continue. Is it worth pursuing with a private tutor if the desire is not there? Can a good teacher make much difference to a reluctant student?

Thanks

Thank you

What a shame - it sounds like her displeasure is far more to do with the teacher (had to snigger at "primo don" ) than with the instrument itself. Would she be willing to have a go with a new teacher on a "see how it goes" basis?

Definitely a change of teacher can help. Sometimes a child has chosen the wrong instrument as well, but it sounds like a change of teacher would be worth a go. If she's really not keen, could she be persuaded to try something like the flute?

my opinion..dont push!

tortoiseshell - school only do brass or violin! Having shelled out about £60 for the violin, don't think I could justify a flute if she didn't like that either.

sd - it is a shame, know she'll regret giving up an instrument.

I know, really, that the answer is to give it another go with a tutor, was just hoping someone else had experienced similar [wistful emoticon]

mts - that's what I'm scared of doing/having done already.

Tinker, I had a girl who came to me for piano having already decided to give up, but had to do a term's notice (was doing maternity cover at time), and at the end of the term had withdrawn request to give up, and after a year and a bit had got a holiday job playing the piano in an old people's home. So a change can really make the difference, even if as in this case, it's just a personality 'clicking' thing.

But you know, when I've heard famous musicians being interviewed they often say that they were forced into it by their parents at first. And how many people look back and wish they had stuck at it? I know I do

Hi Tinker,

I haven't had exactly this experience because all ds's teachers have been v. nice, but from my exceptionally wide experience of a grand total of 4 violin teachers and 3 piano teachers (is it something about ds I ask myself ) there is a huge difference in terms of enjoyment. I would absolutely definitely try getting a private tutor on a trial basis- give it 6 weeks or so before you decide to give up. She may find it far more enjoyable if the teacher is nice (and this one sounds horrid).

Ah, now that sounds more encouraging tortoiseshell, thank you.

my daughter hated her piano lessons from practically day 1 and we insisted she give it a go but when we could see how miserable she was we went to speak to the director of music at the music school and he suggested a change of teacher - in fact I was slightly cross because it was obvious from his comments that he knew the teacher she had been allocated was not suitable for children and she should have had someone different from the beginning.

She now has a really kind and lovely teacher and is enjoying lessons again so I would definately suggest trying to change teacher before giving up.

Oh, more lovely messages . Right, shall talk her into a trial with a tutor. Agree, sd, I gave up the violin when I was 9 or 10 and regret it so much.

In the teacher's defence, it must be awful teaching kids who hardly practise though.

I bet she'd practice more if she didn't associate it with being shouted at though! I had 4 clarinet teachers when I was at school, and my enthusiasm waxed and waned enormously depending on the teacher. Do you know anyone who might be able to give you a personal recommendation?

Don't know of any personal recommendations tamum, but a leaflet came through the door the other day from a tutor. Karma!

Yes! Feffi . So, it was the private ones that helped?

Oh, that's right, I meant to say that- ds was far happier learning on his own than in a group. The group was great for the first year or so and then havign to go at a group pace frustrated him- there were some pieces he found easy that they had to keep doing again, and other pieces he just hadn't mastered but because the others had they moved on.

Feffi - I'm in Manchester area so a bit too far. I'll let you all know of any good results! Good luck batters and remember the "That sound lovely" response.

Actually, Feffi, do know someone who teaches there (had forgotten about that) so could enquire. Thanks.

Isn't the Royal Northern College of Music in Manchester, or am I completely wrong? Perhaps there are students who teach on the side. Someone young and enthusiastic could be just what your dd needs.

I recently read quite an innovative book that reckoned everybody could succeed musically if they only found the right instrument. It's called "The Right Instrument for your Child" and you can get it on Amazon. One of the authors was a child prodigy and the other a musical drop out. The book has quite a detailed process to help you match up your child with the perfect instrument. From memory, I think they said that the violin was really only for very musically talented children. I think they also thought learning too soon, ie before about 9, put children off. Hope you can work something out, as it is such a pleasure to play an instrument.