How can I help a little Inferiorette feel better about going back to school tomorrow?

[motherinferior]

DD1 had her first reception day today...and boy oh boy do I have my come-uppance from all my blithe assertions she'd be fine, more than ready, life and soul by the end of the day, etc etc etc. She has, I think, had some nice bits but she's also done a bit of crying - during the day as well as on her return - and she's informed me tonight through her tears that (a) the best bit was coming home (b) she wishes she didn't have to go tomorrow (c) she misses her sister.

I know, I know, I know this will pass. And that DD1 is never someone to leave the potential for tragedy unwrung out of any situation (er, yes, wonder where she gets that from?) and she's also tense and hungry, and has been poorly. I've tried my best to chill her out about it, and so has her father although he's actually away, so a phone call from him obviously doesn't give her the daddy-hug she could do with. I really do think DD1 is ready for school, and I also know it's better that she feels like this now rather than later. But what can I do to make her feel better about the whole thing?

[hatstand]

hi mi - haven't read all postings so don;t know what everyone has said - but the other approach is to down-play it. Talk to her about the things that will stay the same - emphasise how early in the day 3 o clock is (or whenever she finishes) and how much time that still leaves for doing the normal stuff - including being with her sister - that she's worried about missing out on. Also downplay what you and/or dd2 will be doing. Make it seem like her being at school is an opportunity for you to get boring stuff done (on the days you're not working anyway) leaving more time for the three of you to do fun things

[WideWebWitch]

ha ha ha MI at 'it's nice to claim a Wide Circle of Real People in one's acquaintance' !!

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[binkie]

Just popping in to confess in glare of public that dd clung like anything this morning, and would not look at anything but her shoes, not even her groovy male teacher, who she already knows and luurves. So if she's doing that, well.

There is one thing I would also say, with apologies for the obviousness - which is to give it time, say a couple of weeks. Not settling instantly does not mean never settling.

[foxinsocks]

I'm sure she'll be fine after a week or so - I think all children have a wobble in their first term at school whether it happens immediately or after a few weeks when they realise they have no choice and they have to go to school! I think it is far worse for the parents than the child in the end.

But I have to laugh at the 'treat-trap'! I bring something for dd every day because she appears to have the hunger of a horse after school and on the odd occassion when I've forgotten something, I've practically had to drag her through the streets back home (with her wailing I caaaaaan't walk, I neeeeeeeeed food!).

I hope she finds a friend and starts feeling a bit better.

[tortoiseshell]

Hope she has a better day MI - ds is starting this afternoon, so am a bit on tenterhooks to see how he finds it. I'm sure your daughter will settle quickly - it is a huge change for them.

[GhostofNatt]

Just seen this MI, and hoping for a better day for you. As you know my own little romantic poet is starting next week and i am full of the dreads but there is some very smart advice on here (soapbox is a genius).

[puddle]

Just one thing to add that might cheer you up. Mother of a friend (child psychologist) said it's incredibly healthy for children to be upset right at the start of school as it means they are dealing with the seperation and anxiety right there and then. They will recover more quickly than children (like my ds) who was fine for a fortnight and lulled me into a completely false sense of security, then got totally distaught every day for two weeks (so bad he was being peeled off me by classroom assistants).

Good luck - I was you this time last year! (ds settled in soon after and adores school by the way)

[bundle]

oh MI, sorry I missed this...lots of good advice on here, agree re: special attention, treats (vary them to avoid the trap - i take tiny packs of sandwiches to nibble or a plum) and a bit of debriefing good - although dd1 often will not talk about her day...but I still ask her about the best/worst bits of her day and tell her about mine too. And don't feel bad about after school club, ok it's a long day (and it doesn't help at all, people pointing that out, grrr) but your girls and mine are used to not being at home for that length of time and it just takes time to readjust to the new environment. I did a similar dipping toe in water thing to you, no after school club for first couple of weeks but took her in there (it's in the school hall, across the playground from her classroom) to register her and dropped in 3 or 4 times for a nosey before she actually had a session there. she loves it now. and she's gone up to yr 1 this week, and even that has caused a little wobble, the two classes in her year have been mixed up, so some of her friends aren't with her..but she's getting on with it and showed me her drawings for her peg/work drawer this morning. and she was doing a lot better than some of the others...sigh, it's tricky huh? xxxxxxxxxx

[scotlou]

Hope it gets better. It's bad enough taking them these first few days and watching your baby grow up, without them being upset too!
Does the school let you stay with her in the classroom for a little while for first few days? I did that with my ds who although he didn't cry was apprehensive.
Re after school club though - I had reservations about my ds going in Primary 1 (at 4 1/2) as I felt it was too much - but he has been fine. Admittedly it's realtively quiet - and he only goes 2 days a week - but they seem to have the opportunity to chill as well as doing fun stuff etc.

[hester]

Oh, poor little mite - and you!

Let us know how it goes today, MI.

xxx

[Marina]

Oh, MI
I'm so sorry, I didn't realise dp was away at this time, what rotten timing for you all.
I thought Soapbox's idea of the retrievable hug was just lovely, and instincts to provide "just the two of us" time for her, and some treats, are just right.
As you know we are veterans of the long day/no handy grandparents routine too. Of course school is tiring at first, because of the newness of the environment, but please don't go anywhere along the guilt and misery road of "am I turning my child into a contact-time-deprived-exhausted-zombie". Batters, I and many mother Mners are here to reassure you that in the scheme of what happens to children worldwide (and the context of a loving, supportive family home to come home to), sending your dd to after-school club is not a neglectful or bad thing to do. Ds attends school with some children whose mums are at the school gate at 3.30pm and whisk the poor things off to daily extra activities. Not to mention plenty of time cruising the streets of SE London in the rush hour picking up or dropping off siblings on their endless rounds of mini-tennis/swimming/extra French/football/ballet. IMO they have a far more tiring and stressful end to the day than ds. A good after-school club (and from everything you say about the school in general I bet it will be good) offers opportunity for quiet time as well as fun and games. Ds often spends his on a cushion with his nose in a book. Far better than having his ears pulled by his fiendish dsis.
Your lovely dd1 will settle because the bottom line is we all have to, and I just know she is going to love school once she does, but boundless sympathy to you both while it all shakes down. XXX

[motherinferior]

Thanks everyone - I have to say my attempt at a retrievable hug resulted in a plaintive cry (and then a giggle) of 'you've squashed me!'

[Marina]

How has it gone today - apart from your covert attempt to squeeze the resistance out of her?

[serenity]

As the mother of two monsters who happy ran through the door of school without looking back on their first days, can I just admit to a wholy unreasonable pang of jealousy here? Why don't mine want to stay home with me?

No, seriously MI, I'm sure DD will settle in quickly once all the newness has settled down. Give it a couple of weeks and there will be loads of letter/pasta/paint combinations coming back at home time!

[Enid]

lol about the hug

[LIZS]

sorry to have missed this - hope things are better when you collect ehr today. Agree with making a big fuss of her on her own. Fingers crossed.

[katierocket]

ha, MI, that's the kind of thing that would happen to me (about the hug I mean). Sorry to hear this morning wasn't any easier. Like the caff idea.

[Enid]

I'm going to ask dd1 and friend what they think when they get home

[Tinker]

Missed this MI. Hope today has been cheered by chocolate and a caff.

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[Enid]

poor ds2

a soft heart under that uber cool exterior

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[Heathcliffscathy]

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MI, how did it go today??

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