How can I help a little Inferiorette feel better about going back to school tomorrow?

[motherinferior]

DD1 had her first reception day today...and boy oh boy do I have my come-uppance from all my blithe assertions she'd be fine, more than ready, life and soul by the end of the day, etc etc etc. She has, I think, had some nice bits but she's also done a bit of crying - during the day as well as on her return - and she's informed me tonight through her tears that (a) the best bit was coming home (b) she wishes she didn't have to go tomorrow (c) she misses her sister.

I know, I know, I know this will pass. And that DD1 is never someone to leave the potential for tragedy unwrung out of any situation (er, yes, wonder where she gets that from?) and she's also tense and hungry, and has been poorly. I've tried my best to chill her out about it, and so has her father although he's actually away, so a phone call from him obviously doesn't give her the daddy-hug she could do with. I really do think DD1 is ready for school, and I also know it's better that she feels like this now rather than later. But what can I do to make her feel better about the whole thing?

[motherinferior]

Thank you again. And I know she will find friends - she is very friendly, really.

And Frogs, I will think about the after-school situation. Because she has been with one childminder since early babyhood - and DD2 is still there and DD1 will be there in half terms and suchlike - my gut feeling was not to re-route that, too, for her but to site that part of her care at school; and in fact quite a few of her childminded friends are clearly ready to shift to afterschool club at around six or seven (which surprised me, but made sense overall). I'll see how it all goes. Thank you everyone, again. xx

[Earlybird]

Oh MI, I am sorry that both of you had such a rough day. It is so hard when our little ones stumble because we want to protect them and of course, make it better. When dd struggles, it also makes me question if I've made the right decisions and I am quick to feel self doubt. However, it's important to remember that these are big changes they're going through, and it's bound to feel overwhelming at first.

I think there is some very wise and compassionate advice here. Give her lots of extra cuddles, attention and reassurance. I think it's good to empathise with her feelings, and sympathise too. You know it will get better, but of course the challenge is how to get from here to there in the best way.

DD starts reception tomorrow, and I have already hatched a plan that fits under the "bribery" category. She has wanted to go on the London Eye for about a year. I've booked tickets for 10 days from now, and plan to tell her about it when she needs a boost - which is almost inevitable. I plan to tell her that it's a special treat to celebrate her transition from nursery to "big school". I hope that she'll enjoy the Eye, of course, but I also want her to have something to look forward to. And in some way to let her know that I'm proud of how brave she's been to face all these changes - in setting, routine, etc. Who knows if it will help, but perhaps it will give her something positive to focus on as she adjusts to her new situation.

Good luck tomorrow, and hope it's a much better day for you both. Let us know how you get on.

[WideWebWitch]

Soapbox, your hug thing made me cry! MI, I hope today is better for your girl, I can't add much nothing to the great advice already here. She will be fine and DON'T you start feeling guilty about working, she really will be fine. Definitely. I bet you this time next week this blip is a distant memory.

[WideWebWitch]

"Can't add much nothing?" I meant I can't add much, obv.

[basketcase]

MI - in the same boat here. DD is normally well adjusted and happy with her peers - knew them all from playgroup.
Last night she woke up in the middle of the night hysterical - bad -dream - she dreamt "everything" (big book cabinet I think) was falling on top of her in the classroom and no one heard her when she shouted out for help...poor love. She is also worrying about getting changed for PE herself. Today she insists on wearing a heavy pinafore rather than the cool summer dress I want her to wear as she worries about getting the dess over her head without getting stuck I know she will be so hot and bothered but at least I will get her out of the door a little comforted (pinafore is slightly stretchy with no zip/buttons).
It is so hard not being able to be there and help them through life?s little battles in person. I am not someone who likes to offer encouragement from the sidelines for her, like to jump in and help her out. Guess I will just have to learn fast
Hope they all have a better day today

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[suzywong]

and has your mum turned up to hold the fort

[clary]

Oh MI you have my utmost sympathy. Can you come up with some lovely treat to mark the end of the first week? I was browsing round Asda yesterday evening (sigh...) and picked up a couple of little bits for my dd - Cinderella sticker book with removable stickers to dress cinders and her prince! - which would go down very well here.
Did you say once that dd1 takes longer to get the idea of something? Could you perhaps make her coming home and being with dd2 really special?
She is bright isn?t she, can you tell her about all the exciting stuff she will do at school, like learning to read etc, nto much on first day no doubt so perhaps she has lost sight of this?
some great suggestions on here already of course, esp marthamoo, Aloha and Blu.
That thign about ?I won?t be goign again? is really common. Our nursery warned us that DD might say, I;ve been to school, now I think I?ll go back to nursery!
hope she has a better day today

[katierocket]

I guess when they're bright it's harder because they think about things in more depth.

[Enid]

sorry to hear this MI.

You know she is tired don't you? A good breakfast and an early bedtime - and, sorry to disagree with others - not too much social life on top of school will help.

Any chance of making after school club only three evenings a week for the first couple of weeks - school and after school club is a lot different from a childminder.

My dd1 loved hearing stories about when I was at school when she started - I weighted them heavily in favour of the 'I didnt know anyone' and 'I did something really really silly that of course you would never do and I was worried but then it was OK in the end' variety

Hope she is a bit better today x E

[clary]

yeah actually that stuff about what you did when 1st at school is really good. My children always love stories about my childhood ("tell us about when your daddy trapped your finger in the boot mummy!" (really)) and I regaled dd yesterday with a tale of sthg my sister did "wrong" on her first day...

[ggglimpopo]

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[puff]

Lots of super advice on here MI.

Wishing your Inferiorette a better day today .

It is the most enormous change for children - I was always grateful to parents who told me their children were having a few problems settling in -it might not be evident during the school day (there are some very stoic 4 year olds ) and so a teacher may not necessarily pick up on it in the melee of 30 children. If I knew a child was feeling particularly "wobbly" I'd be able to keep an eye on things - eg a little extra help changing for PE, making sure playtime, lunchtime was ok and general heaping on of extra reassurance where needed .

If you can't get in to see the teacher because of work commitments etc, then do ring them - after 3.45 is usually good.

[puff]

yes, and as so many others have said, it really does get better .

[Enid]

sorry off topic

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[Enid]

my stories are how we get through everything in this house atm

They beg for the one about when Granpa got washed out to sea in a beach hut.

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[motherinferior]

Thanks everyone. Today I have put into action some of this advice, plus advice from other friends (well, one other friend but it's nice to claim a Wide Circle of Real People in one's acquaintance) and suggested that when I pick her up today we go to a caff for a special treat - and we nipped off to get her some chocolate (yes, sorry, Blu, incredibly right-on Maya Gold ) before school too). We have a potential break of Just Us between school and picking up DD2, and I shall work on this.

Enid, I'm going to pick her up myself every day for two weeks, then give her two days a week after school club and if that goes OK escalate to four in October. I originally suggested doing this more slowly but her dad couldn't understand why we didn't just pitch her into the whole thing from the beginning .

I can't thank you all enough. It also makes me realise how much parents need a bit of back-up at this time.

[motherinferior]

(But I still had to prise her weeping off me this morning - at least I've told her teacher and some of the lovely admin staff.)

[Anchovy]

Sorry to hear about this, MI. I've just dropped a resolute looking DS off for his first day at school and am really hoping we don't have this as well. Definitely second the explaining everything in advance bit (DS was distraught when he started nursery school because I hadn't said I was coming back to pick him up at lunchtime: it was obvious to me, but clearly not obvious to him). DD and their nanny are making a cake for him to have this afternoon - and although we won't have treats every day I think a few days of this are definitely called for. DS also loves doing things that his younger sister is not allowed to do and we are trying to make this the "reward" for being a "big boy" - staying up a bit later and watching something different on tv, doing a more complicated puzzle or lego with DH where DD would just throw the pieces round etc.

And we are trying really hard to keep all of the rest of his routine exactly the same - and very predictable and unexciting. When he started nursery school DH had to go to France for a week and I think that combination (plus moving house and me going back from maternity leave) made him feel quite wobbly: it s a real bugger and it can't be helped, but I do think your DP's absence is a contributing factor. Mine just seem to like everything being the same and being really predictable (they will be appearing on threads about "dull people I meet" fairly soon, I'm sure).