Sex Education - Embarrassing But Needed!

[WMumW]

I came home a few days ago after popping out to Salsa classes for an hour or so, and I heard my DS upstairs in his room, presumably having sex with his girlfriend who is our neighbour

I was obviously embarrassed, so called him just to let him know I was back (didn't go to his room) and they both emerged embarrassed looking a few mins later, and I sent the girl back home.

My DS admitted to be having 'relationship banter' with her but is too embarrassed to talk about anything.

I am not sure if they used a condom and would like ot know the best way to approach him to teach him the rights and wrongs about sex - I grew up in the 70s so I don't want to ban him altogether but rather make sure he is safe.

Also, the parents of his gf seem very distant now - they are quite Christian and I fear they know and resent it - how should I approach THEM?

My DS is 15 and his gf 16 if this helps?

Thanks,

Wendy

Riiight

I forgot to add, he is receiving Sex Education at school, and so far seems to be a very able student (As and Bs predicted for GCSE)

We usually get on pretty well, but there seems to be friction with this case

Friction eh?
Arf

Is there a problem BooBooGlass ?

What is Arf?
Yes, as I said he doesn't want to talk about it, but I am eager to speak to him on such matters.

Would you agree with maybe leaving a packet on Condoms on his bead one day so atleast he knows that I know but also care that he is safe?

Seriously? OP comes home and allows her ds to finish? Under her roof? ANd is embarassed to talk about it with him?! Pull the other one

@ BooBooGlass
What did you want me to do? Just BARGE in and shout? No no - that's not going to help anyone or anything. I would simply alienate my child and scare him.

I don't see a problem with it, what use would screaming at him do?

Sorry WMumW I have no advice :/

Would you agree with maybe leaving a packet on Condoms on his bead one day so atleast he knows that I know but also care that he is safe?

Thanks anyway

I think that's a good idea, at least help him to have safe sex, because regardless of what you say, he will have sex. :)

What is it you want help with? Surely you know him better than us?

I think he'd be mortified if you left him a packet of condoms. It would be better if you had a conversation with him about it.

Tell him that if he's old enough to be doing it, he's old enough not to be embarassed to have a conversation about it. Tell him he needs to use condoms with spermicide, both for protection against pregnancy and STDs, even if she is using some other kind of protection, because he doesn't want to be paying maintenance for a little "slip-up" for the next 18 years or to get something which makes his knob itch. Up to you if you want to buy him some condoms, personally I'd say that's another thing he has to be old enough to manage for himself if he thinks he's old enough to be having sex.

Agree with AMumInScotland - and I don't think you need to speak with her parents!!

No you cant speak with her parents. she is over the age of concent and as such her sex life is her own private business.

But your son is your child and I think you own it to him to have a conversation about this. Has it never come up before?

(oh god 'come up' excuse the pun!)

I would say:

Sit him down and tell him that you don't know whether or not he is having sex but you recognise that he is coming to the age where he might want to, you realise that he'll have been taught about contraception at school but you'd just like to reiterate this as it is sooo important and so you have bought him some condoms. Tell him he doesn't have to use them but he can have them in case he wants to one day - that way he doesn't have to exactly admit that he is having sex with his gf.

Technically it's illegal isn't it?

I mean he is not 16.

Course it's illegal, but that doesn't stop a lot of people doing things does it?

You are presuming they had sex. Why don't you ask? If so, have a chat. Why is it only being raised as an issue after the event. If you had an open approach surely you would have had chats along of the line of if and when and why. What does ds's father think of all this and hasn't he been chatting with ds?

If he's anything like I was at that age, he probably knows most of it anyway. But you should still have a chat with him, or buy a book and give it to him. I got given this one www.amazon.co.uk/Facts-Life-Know-Chris-Madsen/dp/1855973294 (no picture or anything but the name and author are the same) by my Mum when I was about 12 and it taught me pretty much all I needed to know! (Along with Sex Ed at school, which at my school was pretty good.)

They might not have been having sex, but he's obviously experimenting in that department. It's up to you if you want to buy condoms for him, though if he's had Sex Ed at school, chances are he'll know about them and may have even got some given to him! In our Sex Ed classes we were able to get a handful and my brother (who's 15) got given a C Card when he did his last year, so he's collected a bagful! (No girlfriend though, I think him and his friends just have a laugh about going to get them... At least they'll be safe!) You could always make him aware he can get them for free, at least then there's no pressure of having to have money to be safe.