How much influence do parents have in a child's future motivation to study/work?

[Cortina]

Do you subscribe to the 'can take a horse to water but can't make it drink' philosophy or otherwise?

Friends of mine, whose children have done well, made sure they got into a routine of study early on. It's seems to have paid dividends going forward.

Many of us have young children here and I am wondering what you can usefully do to encourage good study habits and diligence for the future? If anything?

"horse to water" philosophy for me too.
You can encourage but it's really down to them.

On the other hand lack of encouragment can and does lead to lack of motivation and low expectations.

Without parental support it must be really hard to find school worthwhile.

I know people who have shown little or no intrest in school and this has definatly reflected in their children. No doubt there are exceptions to this though

It depends on their attitude really - those who think being 'clever' is a gift and therefore don't see the point of working hard and those who see being 'clever' as a result of hard work. The latter get on better imho and sadly I was the former . I am mindful of convincing my dcs that hard work does pay.

In general, I would say 'horse to water', but I think some kids are more influenced by support or lack of support than others.

Dh and I were totally left to ourselves and have done quite well, but taken rather a scenic, meandering route. I sometimes wonder if dd will actually be less driven or motivated because she will take too much for granted. I find it hard to imagine what it is like to grow up with parents who are keen and interested in education - I'm afraid that it might kill any natural inclination.

I think my mother's hostility and sneering attitude to education did undermine my confidence and made educational success rather hollow. I don't want to make the opposite mistake.

I do think that you cannot make that horse drink...but he's more likely to if you've lead him in the first place and if the water is cool and enticing.

I'm a firm believer in support and encouragement. I'm also a firm believer of leading from the front and by example.

It definitley depends on the child.

In our house DS1 (age 10) mostly just needs a gentle reminder to have a drink occassionally and he will take himself to the homework trough.

With DS2 (age 8) we not only have to drag him to the trough but half drown him in it to make him drink and even then he comes up for air shouting "I'm not thirsty!"

DS2 will just muck about and fib about having done his homework given half a chance. He eventually even just admits he just cant be bothered.

I have to admit that DS2 has incredible charm though and very focussed on things he really wants but he needs instant gratification and rewards for doing anything. DS1 on the other hand is very unworldly and has a 15 year plan in his head which he is slowly working through towards the payoff.

But again if you force them too much you can put them off..... So it surely is a delicate line.

Maybe read up about intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. Basically they need to be self motivated and not rewarded for doing work / well....

Also - how much do their school grades actually matter? I tend to focus on them far too much. Because it is easy to measure and society places such store by it. But it has very little relationship to how well they fare in life....

But I personally am very skeptical that having a good study routine when they are young will encourage them to have a good study routine when they are older. I think it's far more likely they'll rebel or burn out.

Generally those parents I know who have taken a real interest in their DC's work have DC's who also value their work and progress.

Agree it's a fine line.

I think it's important to encourage good habits when they are young, but it should gradually slide towards them deciding what the routine is, and how much they can afford to vary it. If the "routine" is just "obey parents until I can rebel" then they aren't really learning a good habit from it!

If they have some idea how to have a routine that works, at least they've got some basics to come back to after they try "chaos" and find it doesn't get the job done.

I agree AMIS - we all try to encourage healthy eating, exercise, good hygene, being positive etc.
These are all just good habits to get into.
Attitudes to school work are just an extension of that, I think.

And as I say, I think it's best to lead from the front. Kids smell a hypocrite at 40 paces.

I try to encourage DS when he finds things difficult by taking on projects myself which I find challenging. I then talk to him about it and why I am finding things tricky, quite honesty, and what strategies I am using to overcome the difficulties etc.

When he has a strop and tells me 'he can't' do certain things and doesn't feel as clever as others I try to actively demonstrate that this isn't so.

I have no idea if it will work :).

I've seen those that run their family in a calm, ordered, tidy way seem to have DC's who think in a similar fashion and this helps them on their way. My family are more chaotic, prone to procrastination etc and I think that held me back early on. I didn't have the 'habits' I needed modeled to channel any talents I had.

I think that parents have a lot of influence, but that the times when they are actually influencing their children (rather than 'telling them what to do') might not be when they think.

Yes, until I met DP I had no idea my family had such self limiting, negative, insecure and pessimistic views. I had picked all of these traits up by osmosis. My family were lovely and caring but these embedded traits were holding me back.

When I met DP's family they believed that everyone would succeed in their chosen field, at school and otherwise and guess what largely happened? It's not as simple as this but it's interesting.

I think the main influence we have is our attitude to learning. If you believe that school is awful , and consequently push your children to work on the grounds that they wouldn't naturally, they'll believe it too. If you think that learning is great, and share that with them they'll notice that too. Not all learning is done at school and not all of school is about learning, but what matters is learning and the desire to learn

heheh

My great- grandmother used to loudly proclaim 'there's them sweeping the streets with degrees..'

she was a teacher too...and my Grandparents were both teachers and placed a high value on education (as a means of avoiding being in a 'trade') and this had slightly counterproductive effect on my Dad (mucked up his A level, dropped out of university) ..though his love of the subject (Classics) got him back on track....so in that case, he wouldn't have probably ave got to grammar school without a bit of parental pushin, but he wouldn't have got through University without wanting to do it himself...

My Mum also had parents who place a high value on learning (in particular, on learning being of value to women too, against the mores of the time..) and certainly passed that on.

I'm ging to say, upon reflection, that a parents view of education is really important in getting children to value it too, though once the child is an adult that is no longer enough.

According to Freakonomics, Litchick has it right. Their summary of various research projects said, in a nutshell, that what you do to the kids (tell, bribe, preach, etc) is irrelevent; it is what you are as a person (hardworking, organised, diligent) that counts.
So "do as I say, not as I do" doesn't work.

Have always tried to encourage my dc to work hard e.g. try and do homework on the night they get it. At 7 and 10 yo this idea does get followed 95% of the time through dc own choice.

Also as dh and I run our own business from home they see how much work we have to do in order to earn an income.

Unfortunately, dc schools haven't helped much as both my ds and dd are reasonably bright and have been allowed to get by on what they already know.

Dd had SATs this year and was predicted 2b by her teachers. My main concern last year was that dd was not being extended at school as she never produced the work I knew she was capable of doing. Anyway she managed to achieve 3cs much to teachers surprise who have told her they are expecting great things from her in class next year. Why didn't they expect great things from her last year?

but senua, that can't be all there is to it or you wouldn't have so many families where one child gets on with it & another doesn't.

I encourage and support but it makes bugger all difference. DS1 does the bare minimum he can get away with. We've resorted to bribery with GCSEs coming up and DH has had long talks with him about 'the world out there' and what he'll need if he wants to do anything remotely interesting. DS seems to believe that his natural brilliance, charm and good looks will be all he needs. I can only hope he's right.

My theoretical answer to this question, however, would be that it's immensely important for parents to take an interest and provide the optimum home environment for learning.

whatever you do with young children try to encourage them to try by showing them that you try and can fail and pick yourself up and try again - take on new challenges and don't just sit back and chill

children change dramatically at pre-teen to teen stage in attitude so those who are drilled to work can rebel

I couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery myself, so my philosophy is lead a horse followed by bribery followed by prayer.

Hopefully one of my tactics will work with DD, she is about to start her GCSEs

children's personality's are a delicious and intriguing mixture of genes and environment I feel.
This is why children living in the same circumstances often turn out so very different.
I still say, though, that leading the way by example ( as opposed to endless instruction)is the best way to motivate.