Help with school fees

[spiritmum]

Hello, I am at my wits end with the dc school and have found a good fee-paying school nearby. We can't even think of affording the fees, but have applied for a bursary. So far we haven't heard back (this was some months ago) but I have decided to chase this up next week.

Is there anyone else that we can apply to for help? I don't like going with my hand out but can see no alternative right now.

Thank you

No, this can't work - dd2 is very bright but the scholarships at this school are negligible - it'd hardly buy a couple of blazers.

When we applied we were given the names of another couple of organisations but I can't find it.

Oh well, need to keep digging.

Sorry, Pixie, should have remembered to say thanks for taking the time to reply before posting message.

Bursaries the only option - look at other schools, could you contemplate boarding school and often hefty bursaries. If you haven't heard in months and haven't chased the private school they probably think you are not that serious.

Hi
I appreciate your dilemma.
We went through this whole thing.
We found a school that did 50-95% bursary, and another that goes up to 100%.
(We got neither by the way :()
Unless you are in the church or forces, we found very little help from external organizations.
I think I googled "school fees help" or something. I know I found a list of jobs that you can then ask for help with fees.
I will rack my brains as to where I found that info....
Good luck - people do get good bursaries!

Also - the variation between state schools is incredible.

I moved my kids from one local school to the other and can't believe the difference. I don't think a private school would be any better (for my kids) than the new school I managed to find - so maybe that is an option for you?

Have you thought about state boarding? Alternatively can you and your partner (if you have one) increase your earnings or could you perhaps get a job at a fee paying school (often the fees are really discounted for the children of staff)?

I agree with IndigoBell.

I too have had to move DC's to another state school and the difference is astonishing - it's really worth going to look around other local state schools as you may be blown away just by what you find when you walk through the door. This is particularily striking if you know no better than your current school.

Go on - give it a go.

Thank you so much, everyone, lots to think about there.

Fiddledee, fear you may be right about us annoying the school. I read once that people are more comforatbel telling you about their sex lives than they are their bank balance and think that's about right. I told a total stranger more about our finances than even my best friend knows, and I didn't chase it because the whole thing made me massively uncomfortable. Ah well, we can but try - this is a faith school (Quaker) so a bit more giving than some other schools might be.

Imwaiting, thank you.This school does offer 100% fees. I'm hoping the bursar will be in over the summer.

Ladylapsang, borading isn't in our plan, and any extension to our earnings will need to go on cost of living stuff. Getting a job there might just be possible though, if one ever comes up.

Indigo and Fab, we have looked at other local schools and the only one we like is an over-subscribed church school for which our kids would be 'group g: other children' in the admissions crietria. The only State option for us would be to move to a different area altogether, but although I've found some schools that look good, the dc's current school looks good on paper and had an excellent reputation. But in reality it's a horrible SATs factotry with an OFSTED-obsessed, lying control freak for a head. IMO. So I do worry that we could move and then find ourselves in the same situation - that's assuming we can find a good school with room for three in different age groups. Whereas we've checked out the Quaker school and know people whose children go there (several of whom have moved their dcs from our current school )

Thanks again everyone!

Sorry re typos, brain and fingers never work in harmony!

Yes - definately don't choose a school that has good SATs :) I learnt that the hard way.

Really, really look at the schools that have bad reputations. Often that's because they care about all kids - not just the ones who are going to pass SATs.

Anyway, good luck. I really feel for you. I was so depserate to move my kids. It was an absolute nightmare.

Indigo, we didn't really choose the dc's school, it's our village school and we'd lived here before having the dc. It may sound mad but everyone was so happy with it we didn't even shop around for our eldest. Not that it would have made a great deal of difference, pushy SATS factories seem the norm in our neck of the woods. I like the church school because the head turns up in his tracksuit. Ours wears a three piece suit and virtually expects the same of the children.

That's what appeals to us about the Quaker school too, it's very rough at the edges with kids lying around on floors reading and sports kit everywhere.

I know what you mean about schools needing to care for all kids - our dds tread water because the school is only bothered about getting everyone up to level X; dd1 spends a lot of her afternoons colouring-in and dd2 didn't want to go to school at all last year because she's a square peg in a round hole there. And a little girl in dd1's class was declared to be 'letting the whole school down' because her SATs marks were low - she was 6 at the time ffs. Ds starts in September but at least I know the early years set up there is okay.

I'd rather the dcs go to a school where everything about them matters, not just their ability to make the school look good.

So you have 3 DC, it will be very difficult to get bursaries for all three. I would suggest trying a different local state school or else move. Visit other schools and see what the options are elsewhere.

Would home education be an option? You could definitely have kids lying around on the floors reading and sports kit everywhere, and ban three-piece suits and SATs...

Are you Quakers?

I'm probably missing something here - you have three children, you don't like their school so you think you will get three bursaries to an independent school?

I have two, it's going to cost me a fortune to put them through school - we've costed it at about a quarter of a million to get them to 16! It is bloody expensive. Depending on the age of your children you are probably looking at at least £300K worth of busaries and that sort of money is very rarely available.

Suggest you look at the other local state schools. If they aren't what you'd wish, work with them to change things - get on the PTA, get involved etc.

Move to the city

No SATS machine here, school is too busy trying to teach half of the class english and the other half a couple of nursery rhymes. DSS's and DS are doing really well in terms of results but are also more rounded people because they have raised awareness of other cultures and how lucky they are. They have a very rounded curriculum, lots of outdoor activities and visitors. Their teachers have to be more inventive because the kids arent polite enough to sit through a boring lesson!

Morning everyone!

Hmm, I can see that having three is a problem. Whomoved, we aren't asking for 100% bursaries (although they are available) and did say we intended to do all that we could to reduce down the amount that we needed every year. As for getting involved in a State school, only Governors have a say in what happens. I have tried to get very involved in the dc's school but the head thinks I'm a PITA because I question some of the more fruitloop interesting rules he comes up with. (I do go in and read with the children etc too, I don't just whinge!)

I can see that it looks a bit cheeky though. I can only say that I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think this school would be right for the dc. I'm especially worried about dd2 - she is phemonenally bright but also very quirky and doesn't suit the 'one size fits all' state system at least, the way it is interpreted here. What I love about the Quaker school is that being different doesn't matter, because of the whole Quaker ethos of valuing the individual. I don't really fancy any other fee paying school around here as their reputations are for being very pushy as well, so I won't be applying elsewhere.

Saracen, home-ed has appealed in the past but having tried it when dd1 was off sick for long periods it doesn't work for us, not with ds around anyway as he gets very competitve for attention. Also I'm very busy with work right now, I just don't have the time to do it properly. Do you home-ed? I do wonder about the dc's becoming a bit insular if we were to home-ed just because we don't live in a city with lots going on.

Tarty, we're not Quakers, although I've ofetn thought about going to meetings even before I had the dc and have several Quaker books that I enjoy reading. The irony is that after explaining to dd1 what Quakers believe she's told me she wants to go to meetings, but I don't feel comfortable doing that because it will look like we're trying that route to get into their school.

Lol, ballstoit! You make some very good points, the fact that our dc aren't growing up in exactly what you'd call a multicultural environment does concern me, you are right about the well-roundedness. The Quaker school does have a numbe rof puils from overseas and also a high proportion of children with SEN, who usually get moved to the school because they get left behind in the State system. I suppose what I want more than anything else is a school where they are treated as more than a walking exam result.

Right, time to find plan B I guess.

Thank you so much, everyone, you hav eall been really helpful.

I know a family with a 95% bursary for DC1 and an 85% bursary for DC2. Waiting to see what they get when DC3 applies.....It does happen.
You might as well apply - they can only say "no".

Thanks, Imwaiting. We have applied but haven't heard - like I say I really hated having to lay bear our finances and I wouldn't have done it had I not really felt this was the right thing for the dc.

I don't know if the fact we haven't heard is a 'no' or if we've just fallen down the back of a filing cabinet. Anyway, as you say I can ask if they have decided - if they say 'no' then at least we'll know.

And in the meantime I can still work on plan B - feel absolutely sick at the thought of the dds going back to their current school

So, have you applied for places for all three of your children? Out of interest what percentage of the fees do you think you can afford?

Also, regarding your comment that if you manage to increase your earning it will go on increases in the cost of living - not sure the school will see it like that.

I do find the way schools give means tested bursaries is a bit strange, I know single SAHMs living in houses worth near £800K whose children have received large bursaries over a decade while children living in council flats with two working parents get nothing. Especially annoying when you see divorced dads paying for expensive school ski trips, yet supposedly can't pay anything towards the fees!

I know the school you mean, it was the very first school we looked at 16 years ago when dd1 was 2 and the values you talk about were apparent then. I hope you hear soon.

In the meantime I would look further afield at state schools, you have had a bad experience. They are NOT one-size-fits-all honestly!! If you end up travelling a fair distance to a school that you like then you could consider moving closer at a later date. How about financing primary and going onto SWCHS? It has a good reputation apparently. (I'm assuming you are in the catchment).

The other thing you mentioned about the admissions criteria for the church school you liked - it's not that bad if you are not applying for a reception place. Make sure you are on the waiting list. They may not have anyone else on the list when a place comes up. Once you have one in, you will go up in the criteria rankings won't you?

Good luck!

Lady, I reckon about 30-50% but I'm self-employed so it could vary. I am aware that there will be sensitive issues if we do get a bursary. All I can tell you is that we've been asked a lot of very thorough questions. And if we did get accepted I would try to 'pay back' in whatever way I could, even if it wasn't with cash.

hocus - am trying to work out how you know where I am - am very sleep deprived today as dd1 has a mystery rash that kept her up all night, so could have said something v. obvious and not realised!

Yes, the school does have amazing values, doesn't it?

Yes, SWCH does have a good reputation amongst parents but having looked at it and know several young adults who have been through it I have to say it's over my dead body that the dc will go there! I know on paper it's one of the best State schools in the country but they are a classic example of academic success being all that matters - not sure how much I can say but I've heard some pretty grim stories first-hand from kids who have tried hard but not 'measured up'. Besides which, with the massive new developments in the area I seriously doubt that we'll still be in catchment in two or three yrs' time, the school is behemothic as it is and we're right on the edge of catchment.

The church school would be an option if we could fund secondary school fees one way or another. But I need a reception place for ds. (He'd love it, they have a room full of levers and knobs for kinaesthetic learners - dd2 is one too but apparently there 'isn't room for this in the curriculum' according to her current teacher )

So if our bursary isn't accepted then moving is really our only option. I have found some State secondaries that look really good dotted around the country (because long-term that is what we need to focus on) but I don't have any local knowledge; I'm very reliant of OFSTED. Sometime I feel like I'm sticking a pin in a map of GB and it's getting a bit wearing.

So yes, you are right, if I shopped around I probably could find State schools that suited the dc and were more respectful of their pupils and families than the one the dc currently atttend. I just don't know about finding a primary with places for three plus in catchment for a good secondary school that places value on the individual, in an area we like and with house prices that we can afford!

Thank you both again so much, this discussion has been really helpful in getting clear about what we want and why we want it, and also the fairness of what we are asking. Thank you.

Sorry didn't mean to alarm you! I looked on your profile to see if you meant the Quaker school near me that's all!

BS has a good range of secondary schools, don't know the primaries though, have you looked there?

And you're right, SWCHS has a rep as an exam factory, I wasn't thinking.

See, hocus, I knew it would be something obvious like me putting where I live on my profile!

I dunno about BS, I know people moving here to get away from it. But maybe they like exam factories?

If I'm fair from an academic pov my three would probably be fine at SWCH, I just don't see them caring about anything else that happens in their lives. No, scrub that, I know they won't. And if we stayed put the dc would be moving from a very small village school, and SWCH have a policy of splitting the children from small schools up which immediately singles them out and puts them at a disadvantage to the children from the bigger primaries when it comes to making friends.

And I've heard such terrible things about kids with SEN there that I don't want my dc getting the idea that academic success makes them 'better' than others.