Abusive messages after returns request... moral dilemma re:feedback

[mummabubs]

For what it's worth I'm a buyer and a seller on eBay and have been for years so can see this from both sides. Sorry in advance for lengthy post but don't want to drip feed!

I bought a designer dress on eBay two weeks ago, BNWT. Before buying I'd asked about the fit and got a very friendly reply saying if it didn't fit it was fine to return it, so I went ahead. Dress arrived and not only did it fit very oddly (ie poorly) but I noticed the label was really poor quality too, like smeary print. Given the designer I thought this felt a little odd, so decided rather than flying off the handle I'd try and find a dress from the same designer on the high street so that I could compare the labels, fit and fabric etc. I said to the seller that the fit was a bit odd and could I return it and they confirmed on Saturday just gone that it was fine to return.

Yesterday I managed to see a dress from this designer in person and the label on the eBay dress looks bad quality in comparison and the fit is very different, so I reluctantly opened a return request through eBay and informed the seller. I got a lukewarm email back saying I'd left it a long time (since Saturday) to take them up on their return offer, and then very quickly received a whole host of messages saying I was "bang out of order", "disgusting", "taking kindness as weakness" and then saying they'd sussed my game and that I'm only saying the dress isn't genuine so that I don't have to pay for the return postage?!?

I'm a relatively new first time mum so as you can probably imagine I'm emotional, hormonal and exhausted so I cried for a good 30 minutes after these messages as I'm honestly not the terrible person (or buyer) they've said I am. I'm truly not playing games or trying to be difficult. I can understand that if they believe the dress is genuine then obviously I can see why they'd be upset, but in their position I wouldn't then unleash abuse on the buyer. (The dress has US labels so I'm guessing they didn't buy it first hand from a shop).

My initial response was to return the dress and leave negative feedback given the abusive and aggressive messages, but now I'm thinking that if they really believe the dress is genuine (I'm still not convinced) then they probably just had a poorly-judged emotional outpour in my direction. Therefore I'm thinking maybe my kindness will be to not leave feedback at all. For what it's worth they are accepting the return but have made it very clear that they're not happy.

What would others do in this situation? Thanks x

Nope I think they know it’s fake and are trying to guilt you into keeping it or not leaving a bad review - return and review ASAP.

I'm definitely returning it. They said they'll refund me providing it's in the same condition- it's exactly as I received it so that shouldn't be a problem. I did wonder that, but I think the fact they were so friendly in their original messages makes me wonder if they're just feeling very hurt by my suggestion of it not being genuine? :/

I'm not an experienced ebayer but is there a way of looking at their selling history to see if similar fake items are being sold by the same seller.

I see what you mean e.g. they might think you delayed so you could wear it and return it, so they have to pay postage for you to get their dress dirty.

Or they could be confused about the informal then formal channels.

They shouldn’t be abusive though. They should just report you

Hadn't even thought of that @ThisIsHistory. Maybe that's why they said about the same condition. I've tried it on at home twice for under 10 minutes. I hope they don't think I've worn it out 😩

Take a time stamped photo of it before you send it back with proof of postage (also time stamped)

And relax and remember EBay is ALWAYS in favour of the buyer

True. I'm sure I'll get my money back but her words have really stuck with me all afternoon as I'm truly not the horrible person she said I was, and I hate the idea that I've upset her too. (I'm sure I'll feed better once it's all resolved).

I mostly stay off eBay for similar reasons mumma.

A woman bought a coat from me and returned it- she became very abusive when I wouldn’t refund her money before she sent it back. I was a bitch who was stealing the money for her kid’s Xmas presents apparently. It came back reeking of smoke and covered in hairs...

Or the seller who said “you expect a lot for your money don’t you” when I returned a “brand new” cream eyeshadow that had the seal broke and a big scrape out of it.I’d paid RRP for it too.

It’s full of chancers, who turn a bit nasty when they get found out. And that starts to get to the decent people on there sometimes too, and they get a bit snappy. So don’t take it to heart.

Thank you @ThisIsHistory. I think you're right. I've just never had such nasty messages. I've packaged the dress and included a little note just reiterating that I truly didn't mean to offend her or be dishonest. Hopefully the refund will appear soon and it'll all be over and done with.

If she was a genuinely nice person she wouldn't be sending you abusive messages. I can't see you've done anything wrong. I think she's just annoyed because you've twigged it's a fake, and she was just being nice to begin with to encourage you to buy...

Possibly @Twillow. I try and see the best in everyone, it's possibly bitten me this time round! I checked her profile more thoroughly (I don't buy from people with poor feedback as a rule), only 2 neutral feedbacks and no begs. She has listed a heck of a lot of designer gear so I suspect she either sells on for other people and has accidentally acquired a fake or is knowingly selling on dodgy stuff, who knows.

She sent me another message, didn't apologise for her behaviour at all but told me to put myself in her position and see that she had the right to feel angry. She does indeed have the right, but in my experience as a seller it's unwise to take that out on the buyer! 🙈

That should read no *negs

Had a similar experience. Bought a jacket that looked very fake when we received it. Also, there was a discolouration in the collar. Returned it as "not as described" since it will be difficult to prove authenticity. Seller was very nice from the start up to us sending a return request. Then seller turned from nice to doing guilty tactics, and asking us to return the item not through the eBay process, then got abusive when she realized she was dealing with an experienced buyer. My DH purchased the item for me, and he had a feedback score of 1, so the seller probably thought she could fool him into sending the item to her without going through the proper channels. Seller's abusive messages ranged from it was hard to talk to us, how dumb we were for not understanding what she wanted us to do, etc. This whole experience made my DH to swear off eBay.

It's sad when a negative experience stops people using eBay @Serendipite. I sent the dress back and got a very curt message saying they were going away on holiday so I'd have to wait for a refund on their return (but didn't say how long they were going for). However I got an email the next day to confirm that my return had been received by the seller (as it's been tracked) and have heard nothing since. Hopefully they are away and not just trying to be difficult or delay things...

@mummabubs

You can ask eBay directly to refund you after five days of the seller’s receipt. :)

Thanks @MenaMecca, I've had an email from eBay confirming that's an option. If the seller had only blooming told me when they were planning on returning I'd know whether it will be necessary to do that or not. Will have to wait and see but I will be claiming back from eBay if they haven't got in touch within the next few days.

Leave a bad feedback! That’s as bad as it can get on Ebay. Abuse is not acceptable. selling fake rubbish isn’t either and they know it.

You found them out and they're on the 'attack is the best defence' line of eBay selling.

As far as they're concerned, this is all part of running a business selling fakes.

You did nothing wrong.

You have a every right to return as 'Item not as described'.

'Going away on holiday' is absolutely no reason not to refund immediately on receipt, with eBay apps on the phone making life very simple. She's still playing you - you are clearly too much of a nice person to see it!!

If you did all of your messaging through eBay, eBay can see them all if you want to raise an issue with the seller.

When leaving feedback, do not say in exact words the item is fake otherwise eBay May remove it if you don’t have proof.

Something along the lines of “item not as described, seller unhelpful and rude” should suffice.

Something along the lines of “item not as described, seller unhelpful and rude” should suffice.

I left this feedback for an item that had defects, and the seller was able to have this removed!

mena there are various reasons why feedback can be removed. I’ve previously had feedback removed straight away and other times ebay have refused even though it’s clear the buyer is a liar or only after a free item. There’s no rhyme or reason to it that’s i can make out!

However, if you state an item is fake, eBay will always remove it if the seller asks, unless there is proof, due to legal ramifications.

Yeah that's true, but in my case, I had proof that the item had defects and the eBay messages showed that the seller was rude and difficult.

Anyway when I complained to eBay, eBay said that they removed the feedback out of courtesy to the seller since it was the first time for the seller to receive a negative feedback.

It didn't make sense at all. lol.