To quote someone else on MN - I think I've just been a snippy bitch to someone who has complained

[AFingerofFudge]

Ok, think I've gone ott with my reply. Please let me know what you think:
I've been selling various nice Christmassy outfits that DS3 wore when he was a baby. One of the item I sold this weekend was a little two piece outfit with fleece dungarees. Anyway, DS3 only wore it a few times and he was 12 months when he wore it, which I stated in my listing. Auction finished Sunday night, I posted out yesterday.
The winning bidder has emailed me just now saying that it doesn't fit her 9 month old and that the fleece dungarees are "old looking".
What really got on my nerves was this line:
"I would like to give you the chance to refund this item before I give negative feedback."
It just felt so passive aggressive and threatening but now I think I over-reacted as this is what I said in reply:
Frankly I'm astounded by your comments and your passive aggressive threat (of giving me a "chance" before you leave negative feedback - ha! nothing like being held to ransom). As you will notice from my feedback, I don't try to mislead anyone and have always been credited with describing my items accurately. My son was born on the 9th December so I was merely stating a fact that he wore this aged 12 months. I didn't say, though I could have done, that he wore it on only a handful of occassions so I know for a fact it is not old looking. There is no wear to knees, bum or other areas as I check my items carefully.
I'm sorry it doesn't fit your baby. Of course I will be refunding it as you are unhappy with it, it would just have been nice if you could have worded your email a bit more kindly. After all, everyone is entitled to an opinion. I just state the facts in my listing, which are all true.

ok, have I gone over the top?

I don't think you've gone over the top, people like that annoy me, they could have resold it. When buying second hand on eBay you always risk that the item won't fit.

Unfortunately eBay and very 'pro buyer' and had they opened a case you would have had to refund them anyway, so I think you have done the right thing. Hopefully they will think about what they are typing in the future and calm down a bit!

I would have told her to go swivel for a refund and then when the neg arrived I would have sent her message to ebay and got it removed as feedback extortion.

Also don't refund her until you receive it back, at her expense. I bet she'll still neg you even when you refund!

thanks Spotty - yes I refunded because I knew I'd have to anyway but it was the tone that really got me!
What's really annoying is I loved that outfit and did that stupid thing of "keeping it for best" as it was so nice, so he didn't wear it often

darn rikalaily I've done the refund already - lets hope I don't get negged! Mind you, have been selling on ebay for over 10 years and you would think I'd have seen it all by now but this is the first time someone has complained about an item!!

it is not feedback extortion to say "I am asking for your response before leaving negative feedback or DSr's" in fact most sellers say if there is a problem please get in touch as most things can be sorted out without feedback

to be honest I think you were a bit oOTT and do risk more negative feedback it is worth biting your tongue or typing fingers

I would have said " I am sorry you are disappointed in the outfit as it was a christmas outfit it had only been worn a few times but fleece does get creased in the post, I would have provided measurements for you if you had asked while listing was still active. however has a goodwill gesture I am prepared to accept a return and will refund you as soon as they arrive back my name and address is XYZ

kind regards A F FUDGE"

sarahtigh She didn't say "I am asking for your response before leaving negative feedback or DSr's" She said "I would like to give you the chance to refund this item before I give negative feedback." That is feedback extortion, she is threatening to leave a neg if her demands are not met. A buyer should never send a message to a seller saying 'blah blah blah or I will leave you a neg', it is against Ebay rules.

OP, I hope you receive your item back. Under Ebay rules you should only refund once your buyer has returned your item by trackable means, and they have to pay for this themselves. Now she's been refunded she may not return your item and tbh from her previous attitude and her lies about the condition of the outfit, she may not.

If you don't receive it back you should post on the Ebay community forums asking for advice on the situation, there are many people who are a font of knowledge on there who could advise you of the best steps to take.