Discharged from ED service.

[FruityFrog]

I had my discharge appointment today from the adult ED service. It was horrendous. Husband was there and she basically told him loads of ways he can 'support' me but basically being on my back about my anorexia. And he didn't even know what a balanced meal should look like. Where has he been all this time/all his life? I'm anxious that this is going to cause serious tension between husband and I and that I'll gain weight. In short, while I know this reaction is mad, anorexia is screaming at me right now.

It doesn’t sound like you are fit to be discharged yet. Did they agree it with you or just decide unilaterally?

The course of therapy has finished! They can't do any more for me unless things go tits up after discharge and then they put me on the waiting list for something else.

It doesn’t sound very helpful for them to expect your husband to provide the support if that will cause tensions in your relationship. Sorry you have been left in that position OP

Husband is ok really, I just don't really know how I'm going to cope with all this!

I agree you don’t sound ready to be discharged. Unfortunately they just seem to patch you up, then tell you to go.

Can you access any kind of other therapy via the GP or anything privately? Perhaps a dietitian to help the 2 of you navigate this?

Your husband can't force you to eat. You know that nobody can unless you're in inpatient. It's going to be down to you and consistently eating a bit more each day so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Just try to know you want to be healthy and strong and without pain.

If he doesn't know anything about food then he's just going to be there being supportive of you eating, hopefully?

Can you do some groups through an ED charity? It sounds as if you're not fully recovered yet. Obviously it can stay with you but you can learn not to listen to it so strongly.

Being sectioned for anorexia is horrendous. So please try and value your freedom and use it wisely.

Eating disorder services for adults are virtually none existent now, unless you are in a critical situation. It’s scary how little support is available without doing things privately. Our outpatient services disappeared years ago.
Keep battling, I understand the fear & that voice screaming at you so well. The husband situation is familiar too - health services are happy you have someone even if that person has no clue or insight in to what you are going through. My husband tries but I do inner eye rolls at how triggering well intentioned help/understanding can sometimes be. We’ve recently done relationship therapy that has helped us as a couple communicate more openly about it. I find as much as you want them to support you, you don’t want to taint the relationship with all the craziness those inner voices bring.
One day at a time, sending power and strength thoughts your way x

Services are useless in Scotland for adults. My cpn was very regimental and cold . She hid the fact I still had a psychiatrist. I refused to engage with her and on request of another nurse the service discharged me at 6 and a half stone. Now only help I get visa my Gp who is really helpful and understanding

Services are useless in Scotland for adults. My cpn was very regimental and cold . She hid the fact I still had a psychiatrist. I refused to engage with her and on request of another nurse the service discharged me at 6 and a half stone. Now only help I get visa my Gp who is really helpful and understanding

@Puppamumma do you see the GP regularly? I think I'm just going to see them the once. I'm really not better and I'm worried I'm going to get worse, but I'm not bad enough ATM to do anything about it

I can phone my surgery and request a appointment with my gp when needed. I'm currently managing to maintain my weight. I've never had such a bad service from nhs regarding eating disorder. I had self harmed really badly left a message and got a voicemail from a student nurse to say my cpn was busy heard nothing else for 3 weeks when I attended my appointment where my cpn said we figured we were okay when we hadn't heard from you. It would have been the usual lesson learned if anything happens

I know gaining weight is scarey but if its healthy weight then its a good thing. Ive gone from on ED to another and now trying to lose the weight it caused without relapsing into another ED

@inkgirl I know that intellectually but the fear is just too much. The fact it can't be done instantaneously is part of the issue, it requires overcoming the fear meal after meal after meal.

Were you engaging with therapy and other services? If not then it can be detrimental to your recovery and they’ll only support you if your health becomes critical.

@BringBackCatsEyes I was finding it hard to gain weight but I attended every single appointment without fail.

Can you afford private treatment? Your future physical wellbeing is at stake here. It’s worth every penny you can scrape together. I’ve heard Orri is a good service.

@WhatNextImScared I could afford the money but not the time. I'm well enough to have a FT job and I have children who rely on me. Basically I don't think I'm going to get any more help until things deteriorate.

Attending all your appointments doesn't mean you were engaging with the help and support.
I write as someone who was under the care of the community ED team for 2 years. I was not recovered when discharged. I was clinically stable. I'd had truck loads of support. I knew what I needed to do. No amount of continued therapy would have helped. At the time I was bereft and felt so untethered, almost like being thrown into a pool to see if you can swim.

NHS services can't support people with long term EDs, who are clinically stable - not getting worse and not getting better.

How supportive has your husband been? You say he doesn't know what a balanced meal looks like. Has he not come with you to any appointments, and have you not been able to open up to him?

That feels very difficult for your husband,

can I ask gently, do you wish to get better, genuinely ?

Your children also need you to be well for them, and set an example of how eating and a healthy relationship with food looks. I would actually say you can't afford not to take whatever time you need to try and get to a better place.

Sorry OP, that sounds like an excuse to me. You were attending the ED Service appointments so why couldn’t you have private appointments with a psychiatrist specialising in EDs who could also refer you to ED Therapist? Appointments can all be done via zoom these days so that cuts out travelling time.
You are important so don’t wait until you deteriorate further 💐

By time, what I mean is that the outpatient appointments were not having an impact, I'm still not making wise choices, maybe I need day treatment or more.

@Daisywhatsyouranswer you ask a good question. Maybe I don't want to get better at the moment. I'm not sure how to make myself want it really. 😕

Since you were discharged and left to own devices, how have you fared @BringBackCatsEyes ?

It was quite a few years ago now. I'm doing OK. I did engage with services again a couple of years after my discharge, but it was a different area and I just didn't click with the psychologist at all. The dietician was good and she helped me a lot, but I didn't really learn any new skills, I already had them, I just needed to put them into practice.
I still have the ED mindset. I don't know if that ever truly goes away, but I do know that while it would be very easy to fall back into old behaviours, getting out of them again would be really hard. That's what motivates me to stay well.

I seem to have found it in me this week to make plans for recovery. I've lost 2.8kg since I wrote this original post and I'm feeling pretty shit. I've made a meal plan and I'm going to enlist my husband's help in following it. I start it properly next Saturday! I am already trying to add things/snacks here and there though.