Unsure if my eating and purging habits mean I need help

[Simplebutnotoverlybothered]

I might have a problem but unsure if it's big enough to even post in the eating disorder page.

Im 34
height 172cm
weight 8 stone. 6 pounds

I used to be 11 stone but decided last August to lose weight.
I lost weight quite quick as I would only eat on a Sunday and Wednesday. I was allowed diet coke and 2x coffees on the other days.
Since January ive struggled to maintain my diet ( was 9 stone)
So since then ive been making myself sick multiple times daily and I take a large amount of laxatives 2x weekly. I've still managed to lose a bit but my weight has more or less stalled at 8 stone 6.

So I'm not massively slim and no longer losing but I can't help but make myself sick. It gives my a sense of relief and joy almost.

It's hard to put it in to words and im sorry if anyone feels like I'm invading a space I don't belong.

Your “diet” of only being allowed to eat 2 days a week should have been your first sign that you need to see a doctor and seek mental health support. Now that you’re making yourself throw up after eating, you really need help. You need help. Call your GP in the morning.

You do have a problem.
You say you’re not “allowed” to eat every day. Huge red flag.
You are purging and taking laxitives.
Massive red flag.
Please seek RL help.

Yes, I’m no expert on eating disorders but you are underweight, eating little and unhealthily on 5 days and then purging what you do eat.

Why did you decide to those weight last year when, at 11st you were a healthy weight?

Please seek help.
you know this isn’t normal or healthy, otherwise you wouldn’t have created this thread.
that isn’t a healthy relationship with food by any definition.

Definitely discuss this with your GP, OP. Good luck.

Please, please seek help. You are extremely unwell. One big feature of an eating disorder is you will never feel like you are 'ill enough' to need help. Your eating disorder is telling you that and it's lying to you. I absolutely implore you to see a GP as soon as possible.

I can relate, i have suffered/suffer anorexia and bulimia. I spent years struggling to the point i would eat nothing in a day and if I did eat id make myself sick (bulemia) carrots for dinner, or 1 pack of crisps in a day. I am 34, 5ft4, I was 7stone (2 years ago) now at.8.5 stone as im doing along better after treatment.
You have an eating disorder and you reslly need help, go see your doctor they can refer you. I got a dietician and phycologist. They saved me. Don't be scared to ask for help as daunting as it seems. I do not make myself sick anymore and am soo glad for it as feeling the way I did was just awful and it was ruining my teeth and stomache.
Restricting what you eat, feeling or thinking u look fat, on purposely loosing weight, relief making yourself sick especially, anxiety all food related, is how i felt, and if you feel like this please reach out.
One step at a time. Start by accepting somthing is porbibly wrong and seeking help. I hope you are okay and keep your chin up

I was going on hoilday and thought I'd lose weight before.

I dont want to see my GP to be honest as I would feel very silly as its not even been a year. My weight is staying the same and im not dangerous underweigh.

Part of me knows its not normal but the thought of gaining weight and no longer making myself sick scares me.

If I'm being completely honest a big part of me doesn't want help even if I know this isn't normal

Please please organise an appt with your gp today. Don’t let this continue any longer. It’s easier to beat if dealt with sooner. This isn’t something you can deal with on your own - especially as you are enjoying the thrill of it and want to carry on. You are already under weight and will be dangerously so in time. Don’t feel silly just seek help. x

You are saying that your current weight, it’s maintenance thereof and the fact that this has been an issue for less than a year mean that seeing a GP is silly. Minimising/trivialising this problem in your head won’t make it actually less of a problem that in reality it is.

The reason you should be seeing a GP is that you are damaging your body to maintain that low, unhealthy weight.

A big part you may not want help, but a small part of you does. It’s why you’ve posted on here. Or did you really think you would get validation for your stance from others? That small part of you that does want help is the sane, logical part of you that you should be listening to.

The part of you that doesn’t want help is the eating disorder. Please seek help today.

A GP would not feel that you were”very silly” OP. Honestly, they wouldn’t.

You should see your GP. The laxatives are putting you at risk of heart attacks due to electrolyte imbalance, and the long term impact on your gut health will be absolutely awful - take it from me, who's been there. Do you fancy getting a stoma and carrying around a bag of your own shit all the time under your clothes? Or getting awful, near-constant abdominal bloating that will never go away, even after you stop taking them?

Long term laxatives use does NOT help with weight loss, your body learns to deal with the constant diarrhoea and will absorb the calories regardless. It's literally pointless.

You are already underweight, please don't lose any more. You would be amazed by how much you can eat when your metabolism is acting normally - it's currently in starvation mode which is why weight loss has stalled.

OP, everything you say - including the fact that you don't want help - fills me with terror. I'm not a doctor, so I am not going to diagnose you, but I think.you know that you have profound and serious problems. Please, please see your GP - you potentially have a dangerous illness, which could destroy your life.

It really does sound as though you need some help with this and your reluctance to speak to your doctor is part of the eating disorder. It is important that you get some help as eating disorders can be very bad for your physical health too. If you don't feel you can speak to your GP, there is a charity called BEAT that provides information and support via a helpline or webchat. Would you feel able to speak to them as a first step? It sounds as though you have concerns to write this post so please try and get some help and support.

please see your GP. Your behaviour around food and purging is highly problematic and dangerous for your body and soul. This isn’t going to go away by itself

OP, you have a problem you need help with. It isn’t your weight- that isn’t the problem. The problem is your pattern of thought. You’ve got trapped in a way of thinking that is controlling you. That’s the bit that needs help.

If you are worried about what to say to a GP, I’ve edited your first post, which you could print and take with you.

“I would only eat on a Sunday and Wednesday. I was allowed diet coke and 2x coffees on the other days.
Since January I’ve been making myself sick multiple times daily and I take a large amount of laxatives 2x weekly. My weight has more or less stalled at 8 stone 6.
So I'm not massively slim and no longer losing but I can't help but make myself sick. It gives my a sense of relief and joy almost.“

According to the numbers above, you are already underweight so you certainly don't need to lose any more weight. Being sick will be damaging your stomach, oesophagus and teeth. The laxatives risk damaging your bowel. You have an eating disorder and need help. Wishing you the best.

I'm sorry that you are struggling but yes, you do have an eating disorder. Do try to talk to a GP even though you don't really want to.

All of the above is massively disordered yams will be having a huge impact on your body and health. Please seek help.

This is actually scary to read. OP, you are very unwell and the scary bit is that you cant see it although you must glimpse it to be asking here.

Take this thread and show it to your GP.

Eating Disorders are not just anorexia and being very slim.
This sounds like Bulimia at least and maybe Binge eating as well. This can cause long term health issues to your digestive system and teeth to a name a few. I'd look at BEAT website for help.

My relative has recently had to have ALL her teeth removed due to damage from bulimia. Please see your GP.