I had help as a young teenager for anorexia with binge purge behaviours. I weighed 6 stone 6lbs at 5 foot 4, but recovered and was a healthy 9 stone exactly by the time I was 17 years old.
Was around 11 stone 7 by the time I was 30 due to pregnancies and breastfeeding but I’m now 17 stone 9 pounds at 39 years old (still 5 foot 4 as haven’t grown anymore) with around 7 stone of that going on in the last 5 years.
I’ve got stretch marks, ballooned face and am always exhausted.
The “food noise” is constant. The binging is constant. Big family bags of crisps, family size bars of chocolate. I’m always thinking about food. Whether it’s what I’m having for my next meal, what snacks I want. Never actually feel hungry as I’m always grazing and picking at food and eat at meal times “just because”. Planning meals, looking at calories. My portion sizes are way too large and I eat until I feel sick and sleepy but can’t seem to stop it.
Even starting to affect what I drink too. Always obsessed with having a drink near by. Usually tea or Pepsi / coke. Always sweet and sugary.
Would something like this be classed as an eating disorder? Or just me being greedy and lazy.
I honestly don’t know where to turn for help now. I don’t want to do anything to risk potential relapse into my old ways but realise my current ways are not healthy at all either.
I really need to get better. For me, for my husband and for our children who are 11 and 17.
Thank you