People keep complimenting me on weight loss

[ArwenUndomniel]

A bit of background, I'm in my late 40s with a long history of EDs. In my late teens right up until a few years ago, I had issues mostly with binge eating and bulimia, so I have been overweight or obese for quite a lot of my adult life. However, since I hit perimenopause I seemed to lose interest in a lot of the foods I used to get preoccupied with, and I found it much easier somehow to control my intake. This has coincided with a very difficult time in my working life where a lot of change has happened that was imposed from above - things just kept "happening" to me and I had no control over any of it. I think this might have made me cling onto food restriction as the one thing I could control.

Anyway, I've now lost close to 50% of my body weight in just under a year. I was obese to start with so I did need to do something about it, but now I'm hovering at the cusp "underweight" according to my BMI and I recognise that I have some very unhealthy behaviours and thought processes around food and the way I look. I'm still restricting my calories at below the level I would need for maintenance and feeling terrified at the idea of regaining any weight - even the couple of pounds that would put me back into the "normal" weight category. I keep telling myself that it's OK to have a bit of leeway in the lead-up to Christmas but I'm still planning how I can get away with not eating at any of the social occasions I've got coming up.

The problem (or part of it at least) is - people keep telling me how much better I look, especially my parents. My mum is particularly obsessed with my weight and is a lot of the reason I had such a poor relationship with food in the first place. I understand that people are trying to be nice but it gives me no motivation to change my mindset and it reinforces in my mind that I'm doing the "right thing", even though logically I know I'm not.

As I said, I'm only a couple of pounds underweight and I probably don't look excessively thin, so people won't know that I'm struggling with eating problems, but is there a polite way of brushing off these unhelpful compliments without having to disclose things I'd rather not?

Like you, I have a long history of EDs and this has happened to me at various points. I don't have any magic bullet for people's comments, but you know this is the point when you need to seek professional help again.

Sending you love and strength for recovery 💐

I've lost a third of my body weight because I've been diagnosed with a chronic illness. I'm now slightly underweight and people do compliment me. I just say thanks, I've been ill. And that usually shuts it down.

Yes, making it awkward will probably do the trick!

Say "unfortunately it's due to ill health" and they won't probe further.

I think you need to get yourself some help there asap op. You’ve got some seriously skewed all or nothing thought processes going on and if it continues the way you are, you could get very ill very fast.

Right now we don’t know your state of health because an obese person becoming underweight in a relatively short space of time can be dangerous. First things first, go to your GP and get a full blood panel. Include electrolyte levels. Get your BP and pulse checked asap. If you have a BP monitor at home, I would check now otherwise nip to the pharmacy and they can do it for you or the GP often has one you can sit there and use. Half your body weight in a year is a lot. And that needs to be monitored.

Do you remember the biggest loser programme? I saw a documentary on it on Netflix recently. It was common for candidates to get EDs from it.

I think you should also ask for a referral to your local ED services, self refer and/or pay for some specialist therapy if you have the funds.

I do have a BP monitor which I use regularly - it's at the lower end of normal but still within normal range, usually 95/60. Pulse is usually around 70bpm. I had some blood tests a few months ago for other reasons and everything came back normal except for iron, which I'm taking some tablets for now, and I do take a lot of supplements like vitamins B and D, calcium and magnesium. I know it's better to get your nutrients through proper food but I try to make sure it's covered nonetheless.

None of this is to say I think I'm healthy or that I don't need help. I'm just trying to get through the festive season and all the stress and expense associated with that. I will try to work myself up to seeking help in the new year. It's just going to be expensive because I've had experience of trying to get NHS help for EDs before and they don't tend to be terribly interested unless you're severely underweight!

It's worth contacting Beat to find out about services in your area.

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/

Unfortunately yes, it is expensive. We have an ED coach for dd. Jenny Langley has a list of dietitians she recommends. https://newmaudsleycarers-kent.co.uk/expert-eating-disorder-dietitians/

It is good you have a plan and I’m pleased to hear you know how important it is to monitor your health.

Zinc is an important mineral for anorexia and helps to prevent relapse. If taking the 3 supplements zinc, calcium and iron, take them at different times (2-4 hours apart) as they are absorbed in the same pathway and will therefore compete with one another. Iron and zinc on an empty stomach, calcium with vit c and food.

Do you have any real life support? Someone who can eat with you to help take the anxiety away.
I think if you explain to a GP you have lost 50% of your body weight in a year they will take it seriously. Or the right GP will take it seriously and refer you where necessary.

No, unfortunately I live alone and don't talk about this with anyone in my life. My parents are very difficult people and wouldn't understand (wouldn't want to understand) and my friends are too busy with families and kids to be able to give me that sort of time. I can't eat in front of people I know anyway. Strangers in a cafe are ok, I think because all they see is a thin woman eating rather than "Arwen who used to be fat chowing down again". That's how it feels to me anyway.

That's also why I feel the GP probably won't be very concerned. I was obese and from their point of view I needed to lose weight, so what would be the problem? I'm not mentioning BMI or weight but I really was too big this time last year.

Certainly this ^

I have unhealthy eating mechanisms - I'm the Arwen of a year ago, with binging and being overweight. Purging. Usual craic.

Everything has gone to shit recently and I could tell I was dealing with food 'wrongly'. I'm trying to proceed on with a being healthy approach. It's not changing my weight but it is something else to fix on. Less processed. More vitamins. Would that appeal? It's not weight gain or weight loss. It's trying to nourish your body and soul with what it needs.

I know there's a problem. I'm not ready to open up so this is a way of redirecting the behavior