Books about ED for teens

[neitherherenorhere]

A young person in our extended family has recently been diagnosed with an eating disorder. Could anyone recommend books that would help my dd (nearly 14) better understand eating disorders? We’re looking for books that are age-appropriate, informative without being triggering and that absolutely avoid glamorising or promoting competitive or restrictive eating behaviours.

I would use the Beat website, to get age appropriate information. A whole book maybe too much. Lots of great stuff on the charity website.

The website looks like it could be really helpful for me and dh. I’m also considering young adult fiction since my daughter wants to better understand and empathise with the experience.

Having experienced ED with my DD, I would be very wary of involving you DD at all tbh. Stick to the facts.

I would caution against fiction about eating disorders as a way to get insight. I’ve never read a fiction book or autobiographical account that doesn’t glamourise eating disorders at least to a degree, and teenagers are vulnerable.

Rather than trying to gain any special information, understanding or insight I would encourage your DD to be as normal a friend as possible to her friend and continue to involve her and invite her to normal teenage things. I lived with an eating disorder as a teen and it is an isolating experience.

Thank you, that’s really helpful. I don’t have direct experience myself, so I appreciate your perspective. Would you mind sharing a bit more about why you feel it’s best to be very wary of involving my daughter? She knows this young person quite well and cares about her.

Also, once I’ve informed myself better, what kind of facts or information do you think would be most helpful and appropriate to share with her? Thanks again for your thoughts.

While researching possible books, I noticed some reviews warning that certain content can unintentionally glamorise eating disorders, which is worrying.

Sometimes teens at that age can end up glamouriaing damaging situations. For example Twilight was super popular but at its core it’s about an abusive/coercive relationship.

I’ve read some celebrity interviews where the celebrity talks about recovery from an ED. Unlike something like drugs, food is needed to live and you can’t escape food like you can with drugs.

I don’t know if it was any good but there was a Netflix film starring Lily Collins about ED. Perhaps someone will know more?

Dd sometimes has obsessive thoughts about how she looks (though not related to weight), so I want to be very careful that any books we choose don’t glamorise eating disorders.

We hope that reading about ED will help her better understand the issue, both to support her relative and to be informed.

She also has a friend at school who talks a lot about weight and there’s some competition among the girls in her group about how much or how little they eat in front of each other. I’m trying to help dd understand these issues better so she can navigate them in a healthy way.

We are meeting this family at the end of half-term and I thought being informed might help dd be more supportive.

I'm not a parent so perhaps my contribution will be of limited value, but I agree with those PP advising against your daughter becoming more involved in trying to understand her relative's ED. That may sound odd or uncaring but, in light of your update about her own body image issues, it could be harmful to your daughter and of little help to the relative.

I have had various eating disorders for decades (I'm now in my late 50s), starting with anorexia in my teens. Having an ED is a living hell and I truly doubt anyone could achieve even a little understanding of what it's like without accessing "triggering" material. It may sound harsh but your DD needs protecting as much as possible from the contagious aspect of delving into the subject, trying to imagine what it's like etc. Put bluntly, she cannot aid her relative's recovery and risks being sucked into a similar situation herself.

Please think twice about this. Teens are vulnerable to becoming overly invested in each other's distress and the causes thereof. My DD's friend developed an ED, and I've never wrapped more closely around my child than over the course of that critical year, pouring goodness into her, being available and attentive to the smallest of things, keeping her boyant and settled at all cost, as knowing my DD, she has a soft heart and finds it hard to know how the line between her own well being and the suffering of a loved one is drawn.

A close relative developed rapid onset gender dysphoria along with several girls in their class following deep diving various online trans forums. Now, 12 years later, they're a deeply unhappy lifelong patient and amputee, wondering how on earth it got to this point. This is known as social contagion, and there is evidence that this happens with EDs too.

Your daughter doesn't need to 'lean in' to her friend's eating disorder to be compassionate and sensitive. She can be those things anyway. What she does need is to feel strong and secure in herself so that she can remain centred and, when they meet, perhaps be a welcome distraction for her friend, rather than her friend becoming your daughter's focus of attention.

Totally agree with PP. Please distance your DD from this person.
The facts are enough. Beat provides good facts.
Everyone's ED is different, and totally beyond comprehension to anyone who has not been there. My DD lost herself entirely and was hijacked by the disease. Her friends couldn't help. The ED sought to manipulate them too, as it did my DD. She would come back to me saying her friends thought I was a tyrant and not helping by 'making' her eat. The ED span a narrative and dragged them in. Unless you live it, or directly care for a child with it, it is impossible to empathise.
The family caring for her need space to do the right thing, without judgement and 'helpful' advice 'people have read'.
For their sake and yours please don't engage with this person's ED. Offer loving support and be a sounding board to any carers but just listen. Don't advise.
And don't offer your DD fiction or autobiographical stuff.

Offer loving support and be a sounding board to any carers but just listen. Don't advise.

How can I best support her parents? I would never want to give advice but I’m happy to listen. Should dd just avoid talking about the eating disorder but still continue socialising when her relative is feeling well enough, focusing on fun and neutral topics or keep away for the time being? I wouldn't want to risk social contagion but still would like to support. I’m sorry if this sounds naive or ignorant as this is such a sensitive subject. Thank you all for your kind and helpful advice.

I think the Beat website is sufficient.

I have a friend who has suffered an ED on and off since her teens (now in 40s) and it was helpful to me.

There is already a lot of competitive eating with your dd’s friends. I think that should be addressed especially if you want your dd to continue to socialise with her cousin.

I would be talking to her about the competitive situation by saying that this is a silly game that can become very dangerous. And that food is fuel for the body to give it energy to work properly. And how some people don’t get the the importance of regular eating but that it is really important so that her brain can function well to learn all the things she wants to learn and so that she has can do all the things she enjoys doing like exercise/ sport / just walking round town with her friends etc. And showering your dd with love and affection.

Talking to your dd is key. And talking regularly. And be careful of being overtly sympathetic about her cousin in her presence or giving her cousin too much attention. This could well give her ideas. And we know already she’s in a vulnerable set up with other girls at school. And she may just end up buying into the competition at school. And if she then were to develop an ED, what tends to happen is that the EDs compete against one another to see which one will win.

Your dd is way too young for any of this burden.

If you are meeting them some of this might be helpful to know beforehand. Do not compliment the relative on anything about their looks for now, even how nice their hair/eyes/nails look. At the very start my daughter took that to mean she was so healthy her hair looked good so every positive comment was in fact a negative in her eyes- if she was 'sick'(which they are in competition with themselves to be)then she couldn't have nice hair etc. Don't ask them to go on any walks etc, as little movement as possible to conserve energy. Just offer water, let them be able to say yes to something you are offering. The parents will have all foods/meals with them I imagine. But do offer them the option for you to buy something you know she'll eat. If she's going to eat with ye the parents will be distracted from whatever conversation while watching their child eat/trying to hide bits of food etc. Give them that time without asking too many questions or expecting normal chat. They might cancel at any time, from pure exhaustion or a bad morning of eating for that child. Forgive them, they'll feel guilty enough. For your child explain just the facts and how dangerous this disease is. It is the cruellest of all for everyone involved. I wish them well❤️