Finally went to GP today and now I’m scared!

[wineosaurus4]

So.. this is really strange to eventually be saying out loud, or sharing I guess, but I think I’m coming to accept that I may have an eating disorder 🙁 Since Feb/Mar time I have lost 2.5 stone, tbh I was never overweight but would’ve liked to be a stone lighter around 8-8.5 stone. I now weigh 6st 11lb with a BMI of 16.5 which I’m aware sounds (and probably looks) dreadfully unhealthy. I have zero energy, I often feel dizzy and lightheaded and in the past few months my hair has started to fall out by the handful.

I just kept going with eating less and less and now I can’t stomach half of what I used to. I’ve gone right off meat but haven’t really been replacing with any protein. Some days I eat as little as 400 calories. It needs to stop but I’m now really aware of food and the numbers on the scale. I’ve already decided I can’t ever be 100lb or more - it sounds crazy I know but that’s where I’m at. I fear I’ll soon have a new number that will be my target and end up in an awful state.

So I finally went to the GP today and I’m booked in for bloods and an ECG next week. Does anyone have experience of this? Why do I need an ECG? GP also said a referral to a dietitian might be necessary depending on blood results. That has scared me the most and I’m kinda wishing I never went now. Doesn’t dietitian involvement mean I’d then be in ‘force you to eat’ territory? I CANNOT do that! Being forced to eat is my idea of hell it’s honestly petrifying for me.

I’m scared I’ve now opened myself up to all these things I won’t want to do but I know I’m on a slippery slope. Has anyone been in my position before? What should I expect the process to look like? Thank you all xx

Get help sooner rather than later, have you got private medical insurance? Try and get into a ED clinic outpatient treatment asap.

A handhold for you, I'm sorry that you are going through this and well done for recognising you are in crisis and needed to get help and following through with a doctor's appointment. I didn't want to leave your post unacknowledged.

When you under eat it isn't just your waistline that gets smaller if you start to lose weight too quickly, vital organs like your heart can shrink, which can cause damage to them, that's why your GP has asked for you to have an ECG. They don't take long to record information, the longest part is attaching all the wires as they always get tangled up and you won't feel anything, you will be quite comfortable.

I cannot comment on the dietician but I would hope they will work with you and recommend good nutritional sources that you can tolerate mentally and physically to help make your body strong and healthy again.

Meanwhile, are you able to consider adding protein powder to your diet? The one I buy is from Purition and is low in fat, I mix it with yoghurt so I can get some nutrition on days when I can't face a meal.

@Mayflower282oh, you think it’s that serious? I’m not being dismissive but kind of taken aback sorry.

Yes it really is that serious but the quicker you get expert help, the more likely you are to recover and with fewer long term repercussions so please don’t let the fear stop you, use it to spur yourself into action.

Well done for being brave and going to doctor.

Kindly, in addition to physical tests, you may want to consider looking into counselling options. I think from your post you recognise that your thoughts and feelings about food and weight are not healthy and counselling might help you unpack that. Getting better will not just be about eating differently / more.

Hi op, I have been in your shoes very recently. If you want to pm me you can. You’ve done the best thing by getting help now

Well done for recognising this isn't healthy. It's scary right?

You do need support, from people with way more experience than me. My only thought would be to hold on to the idea that you don't feel well like this, and consider food simply as a part of a whole life treatment to feel healthy and well again.

I think you're brave to take these steps before things get even worse.

@PrincessFluffyPantsThank you for your kind reply. Wow that’s a shock to read that my heart and other vital organs may be suffering now. And you’re right - for me I’ve only ever considered how I look on the outside and haven’t given much thought as to what might be going on inside. Until my hair started to fall out that is. It sounds very vain but it’s easy to ignore the stuff you can’t see, hair not so much and it has me worried.

Yes, before this all started I was in the gym 2-3 times a week doing HIIT classes and weight lifting, so I do actually know a lot around protein/macros and what I should be putting into my body, ironically. I just can’t find it in me to start that new habit again, it feels like a mountain to climb. I trained as a gymnast for 18 years so fitness has always been the norm to me, but sadly food and body image were also the norm in the gymnastics world and that has stuck with me. I retired from gymnastics 10 years ago but feels like yesterday in a way.

Please look at the resources that B-eat have. It seems you have some insight but remain fearful of eating and weight gain.

Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any psychiatric illness. The ECG is to check your heart has not been adversely impacted by a lack of nutrition and the dietician is to help you make healthier choices when it comes to food. They may also be involved in an assessment of your mental health.

You have done well to get help. Please engage with it.

Thank you all for the kind replies it means a lot. Sorry to those who have gone through similar. It’s a very strange feeling as just this time yesterday I hadn’t even called the GP yet, I’d go weeks ignoring the issue then feel I should do something about it then I’d put it to the back of my mind again. I did call them about a month ago and they told me the next appt available was in 3+ weeks time and I just said not to worry and hung up. I don’t know why I did that. The realisation came as my husband recently purchased new batteries for the bathroom scales (to weigh suitcases for holiday) and out of curiosity I stepped on and I was shocked to see the numbers I won’t lie. He has been really great and supportive but has expressed his worry about me. It’s like in front of the mirror I just don’t see what he sees. From recent holiday pictures though I’m afraid I can actually see it a bit. Gosh that’s hard to admit!!

How brave are you? Seriously, you are posting here and have phoned the GP. You should be SO proud of yourself that you are reaching out for help.
Please follow through, you sound very much either suffering an ED or about to fall into one.
Brilliantly, you can already see it from the outside, that will help you.
Please take any help you can. It will be difficult, but a serious ED will be harder and last longer and may actually kill you

Please look at the resources that B-eat have. It seems you have some insight but remain fearful of eating and weight gain.

Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any psychiatric illness. The ECG is to check your heart has not been adversely impacted by a lack of nutrition and the dietician is to help you make healthier choices when it comes to food. They may also be involved in an assessment of your mental health.

You have done well to get help. Please engage with it.

Essentially, you need the correct levels of calcium and potassium for the electrical circuit of your heart to work properly. Hypocalcaemia and hypokalaemia cause arrhythmias and potentially death, it’s generally what kills anorexics. Hence the blood tests and ECG. I’m glad you’re getting help because it’s far more dangerous than you seem to realise.

Thank you @Neededa your words really mean a lot.

@AnotherViceThanks for that info I’m going to do some research into it in a bid to help me realise how serious this could become. You’re right I definitely haven’t grasped the real dangers. It feels bizarre that I could be in this position. I play it down a lot in my mind.

I hear you and thank you all for your insights. Today I have managed a chocolate biscuit and some cucumber, and this evening had Greek yogurt. I’ve had lots of water too! Dinner is meant to be chicken burgers but I already know I won’t want it after the first bite. It’s almost like I get the ‘ick’ and that’s me done with it can’t take another bite. What vitamins should I be looking at supplementing whilst I’m in this situation? Is a multivitamin a good start or should I be taking something more specific? I have read into the Huel drink as it says it is a complete meal and is 400 calories.

I am surprised your GP didn’t refer you to adult ED services. They are best placed to support you.
Seeing your GP was a brave first step. I think you are aware you are quite unwell and things are getting out of your control. You may find it a huge relief to open up to professionals who are very experienced in all you are feeling (physically and emotionally).
All the best, you deserve to be happy.

I can really resonate with your post, however, I am not yet brave enough to go to my GP. I have lost 4.5 stone since Christmas following three stressful events which have now resolved - but because I am happy and count myself fortunate in life I’ve really minimised the risks to my health just thinking it would resolve itself. I do eat, but mainly fruit and veg and am very secretive about throwing food away and I’m terrified of weight gain. I do recognise that I have an issue but don’t feel it’s really serious enough to bother anybody.

I suffered from an ED in my early twenties (I am 48 so v embarrassed that I have let this happen) and it is so unwelcome back in my life. My BMI is also 16.5 and I fainted after a pre-season sports training session the other day which was so embarrassing. I blamed the heat (which was mostly to blame) but I also really lack energy and get exhausted after minimal exertion.

Your post has really made me think I should go to GP too - I actually have private health but don’t feel ‘sick’ enough. I’m scared of the risks though.

I realise this post is all about me but I wanted to thank you for writing it and being brave. I really hope you can access some help and get healthy. I absolutely love life and I hate that whilst I feel my ED is a sign of a need for control, actually I don’t have any 😔.

This is a great post to raise awareness- well done for making the first step. My bmi is similar (slightly higher) and I have been referred to the adult eating disorder team but there is a long waitlist, I have started to look at private options but they are pricey. I have had an ECG and blood test and they were fine.

I have also become selective with my food choices and have stopped eating meat.

Mine was triggered by stress and my need to control things- the stress has eased but it has become a habit. Good luck.

You’ve done the post difficult bit.
finally ‘you’ have decided to tackle the illness head on and that’s enormously brave. You have taken back control of YOURSELF

It’s incredibly tough. I currently weigh little less than you, 6.6 (42kg) but I’ve been less. I’ve been ill since I was 18, I’m now 32.

I’ll admit, I am defeated. My treatment has not gone the way it should have with our east lancs services (so much so I’m one of those statistics you see in the news being sent away far away from home- Scotland for treatment, mess up of appointments, in and out of the service, medication mess ups… and numerous more events). I still can’t have a meal cooked/prepared for me, eat out, eat at work, weighing food, calorie counting, rules of eating at specific times with specific calories etc.

It’s a completely different care system now and I wish I had the courage and strength you have right now to go and ask for help. Past experiences plague me too much and I cannot break away from them.

Its an incredibly difficult journey, but each knock back you might get wiped the slate clean the next day and forget the past.

You won’t put weight ‘weight’ on straight away. You organs and muscles need repairing and a lot will be water weight. You will want to fight against the treatment but push through it, the illness will fight it but remember you’ve made the first step and the hardest part. Saying it out loud and asking for help!!
Your ECG is totally normal to be requested, Mine are usually each week or fortnight, blood work round the clock too. Work with the people and you’ll get there. I have every faith in you.

I’m here any time, all the time.
And give yourself a pat on the back, you’re incredibly brave.

@wineosaurus4 i wanted to say that after reading your post and posting above, I actually plucked up the courage to both contact my GP and self-refer to an ED clinic where I’ve had an initial call and have an assessment booked for Friday. For me, I’ve lost a third of my body weight in 7 months and they really encouraged me to treat it with the urgency it requires.

So I wanted to thank you and really hope you can make some changes too. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and really worried about gaining weight but am going to try and trust professionals and stop minimising. Easier said than done for sure.

Well done @Resiliencerequired and OP! You’ve both taken those first brave steps. You are awesome!

I'm so proud of all the people on this thread who are making choices to get the help they need. I've watched multiple friends being severely damaged by eating disorders and it's so important to treat them seriously because they can be so physically as well as mentally harmful.

I'd also encourage you to ask a partner or family member to support you in getting through to the point where you're getting decent access to NHS services. In theory things should just swing into action but sometimes stuff gets missed and it's always good to make sure you have someone supporting you if there's bureaucracy to navigate.

@wineosaurus4 would it help to know that this isn't your fault, and that once your body gets to a certain BMI you really aren't making choices any more? DD1's paediatrician explained it to me as a vicious cycle:

Don't eat, won't eat, can't eat.

You need support to pull you out of that cycle. You can't just decide to eat. So don't feel guilty that the food is turning you off. Your brain chemistry will have altered and changed your perception of food.

You've done the most important things. You've recognised that something isn't right. You've been honest with the GP. You've accepted the GP advice.

You should be so proud - many people don't manage those steps on their own.

Wow thank you all so much for your well meaning replies. And I’m truly moved to read this thread has inspired some. I’m sorry to hear of others going through similar, sharing your experiences and knowledge with me was very brave and kind of you!

This morning I was at the doctors for bloods and ECG. Bloods will obviously be sent away, but I also wasn’t told anything in regards to the ECG. Is that standard practice? Shall I hear back about that at the same time as blood results?

@LougleI appreciate your advice. I can definitely relate to the don’t eat, won’t eat, can’t eat cycle - it’s exactly how I’m feeling. It’s hard to know if it’s a physical symptom I can’t help or whether it’s psychological now. It feels I’ve gone too far and that just ‘eating normally’ again isn’t an option!

I miss normal eating. I really do.

Yes, it’s normal not to be told the results of the ECG. If there was something alarming you’d have known about it right at the time! 🙂🙂