Does anyone know or have experience with suddenly having their ED change to orthorexia?
I'm nearly 40, got anorexia age 12, changed to bulimia age 17, then back and forth a few times.
Lots of inpatient and day programs and had been 95% recovered for several years.
About two years ago I was diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. This triggered a sudden and intense research about health.
For reference i had never cared about health previously, all i cared about was calories and the scale number.
Now i dont care at all about calories but im finding my brain as consumed by food related thoughts as it was at my previous worst.
I've been hungry for months now and want to eat but the anxiety of if the food is "perfect" enough is so bad i can hardly swallow and am having to force in a bare minimum so i dont collapse.
My variety has just reduced and reduced over the last 18 months, to the point where im even scared to eat an apple because i fear toxins used in farming.
When i try eat i get reallly loud thoughts in my head screaming that its so unhealthy its toxic and eating it is going to poison my liver.
Ive moved to organic food for first time in my life (previously thought it was a bunch of bs) but im still not happy with the food coz im very worried the farmers/labels are tricking me and they are putting "alternative toxins" on the food so they can get around the rules for being able to put "organic" on the label.
As much as humanly possible ive also cut out anything i feel is "processed" but i now find im exhausted from trying to make everything from scratch (am even afraid to buy bread from shop because im worried its got added chemicals/toxins etc)
Wtf is this that is overtaking my life? Is it the anorexia returning in a weird way or is orthorexia a new/separate thing?