Relapse years later

[Blueyrocks]

Posting to ask if anyone has experience of anorexia relapse 10+ years after first diagnosis+recovery. I'm underweight again for the first time in years (aside from when I've been too sick to eat). I'm feeling a bit anorexic too, if that makes sense? Anxious when I deviate from the food I have planned, pretty intent on losing more weight, getting a buzz from hunger, fixated on the fat bits etc.

I'm not sure I want advice on how to stop it, more just trajectories of relapse - was it less severe second time round? Did it have more severe effects because of damage already done?

It is helping me through a difficult time, so I'm just hoping it'll pass once things in my life are a bit more stable. I am aware of it as a coping mechanism, and I know it's not the healthiest, but I think I'm self harming less as my weight goes down, so this seems better if I can keep it sort of under control?

I’m only a mum to a dd with ED. This is what I’ve learned… Restricting your eating is an extreme form of self harm and it is understandable that you are finding less need to physically self harm as that drive is being fulfilled in an even less healthy way.

Idk how far down the ED path you are right now as to whether or not you need to get immediate medical assistance or referral to adult ED services. Do you know what is safe and what is not? Ie how much loss, over what period of time and what your daily nutritional intake is.

I would look at Tabitha Ferrar for starters. She has written books aimed at adults and there’s some interesting neuroscience about rewiring the brain. https://tabithafarrar.com Tabitha Farrar healed herself and isn’t an advocate of therapy. But we are all different. Also contact beats for information and support. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Thank you for replying. What you said about starving being an extreme form of self harm makes sense though I'd never thought about it like that before. I'm not at a dangerously low weight and I think it's very unlikely I'd get any NHS treatment at my current weight. I do know what would be red flags, though I suppose if I got there the ED would be so active that I'd probably not see them so clearly anymore. I'll have a look at the website you recommended. Thank you.

Hi there!

I'm 37 now and first developed AN at 13. I struggled up until I was around 18 and then went through a full recovery and stayed that way for 10 years until I was 28. I then had a massive upheaval in my life and resultantly had a huge, unexpected relapse. It started slowly but picked up pace and by a couple of months before my 30th birthday, I was more unwell than I had ever been, was sectioned and my family were told I may not make it through.

Because I wasn't expecting the relapse, I stayed in denial and refused to seek help for a long time. This made things 100x worse. I don't know where you're based, but many adult ED services in the country do not go solely on BMI in relation to being accepted for treatment.

I would fully recommend you seek treatment and support, at least from your GP if nobody else. I am now 37 and despite specialist hospital treatment and and many years under outpatient ED services, I am yet to recover like I did as a teen and still struggle often. The anorexia has cost me so much more as an adult than it did as a child and I have found it so much more difficult to cope with. This is only my experience but I expect I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

Oh, and yes, it had more detrimental physical effects the second time round when I was older. I have osteoporosis now, terrible dental problems, extremely thin and brittle hair and gastroparesis. Really not worth it

Sending you all the best. Please try and take care of yourself xx

@ForCraftyLemonPoet thank you so much for this reply. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time but sharing your experience has really been so helpful to me. This sounds so scary and I'd say things for me are kind of slow but fairly steady in the downward direction. I haven't been worried because things are changing so slowly but at the same time some of the behaviour is the same as before. What you're going through is something I will think about and I will think about getting some help though I don't think it's likely that I'll be able to.