I lost my 20s to anorexia - so much regret

[Thaer]

I’ve just turned 30. And have so much regret for allowing myself to be totally consumed by my fear of eating. I chucked my 20s away because of it.

The anxiety surrounding every meal can be so exhausting. Every meal is torture still. I spend 99% of my brain capacity obsessing over trying to put together a nutritious meal which won’t cause me to hate myself.

I wish I could escape this nightmare. Of course I would have found a way to overcomplicate the most primal process.

It wasn't in your control OP. Why are you blaming yourself?

I don't want to pry into the reasons but there's usually a trigger for an eating disorder.

Are you able to explore this in therapy? I realise that services are stretched and it is beyond the means of many. Do you have anyone irl you can talk to?

I'm so sorry this happened to you, I can't imagine what you have been through. I think you need to try and be kinder to yourself at the very least.

Oh OP. Bastard eating disorder.

You sound like my DD, who is 27 next week and feels the same. I keep imagining what amazing things should could have achieved without the ED.

I can't help, only commiserate. And hope you're getting somehelp, and have some protecting factors around you in terms of loved ones x

Same hear OP.Just diagnosed ADHD and autistic traits at 58.too.
All you can do is enjoy your life as much as you can and I'm certain it has made you stronger

I hope you can get help so that it is only your 20s that have been dominated by this. It’s been 45 years for me so I’ve wasted my whole life now.
Sending you best wishes xx