Monitoring in recovery - ideas please

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Hello. DD is 17, diagnosed w AN about four years ago. Last summer she started to have more independence and now eats at school some days and home some days. We haven’t weighed or a few years as after first few years of ups and downs she ate evening with us all the time.

Since shes had more independence we’ve been reluctant to go back to weighing as it had become very confrontational before. She talks more openly now about how things are but we don’t have an objective physical measure. Does anyone have any ideas or other ways to approach it, please? As in, she (and we) should look out for these mental signs and these physical signs that things aren’t going so well again to know when to change something. Thank you.

Ate everything

My 16 yo dd won’t weigh herself. The indicator is gaining weight. Her progress is slow as she’s likely neurodivergent with PDA. With my dd she is nice when she’s eating and horrible when she’s restricting for starters. I can tell if she is doing better because she’s coming out of her shell, being part of the family more, is affectionate and caring. When she’s not eating she’s suspicious and angry, withdrawn, avoidant. We have gone from telling me she hates me and wishes me dead every day to telling me she loves me etc. She is still in recovery.

What do you mean your dd eats at school some days and eats at home some days? Does she eat elsewhere on those days? Is she weight restored and eating intuitively or are you saying she skips meals and is still therefore mentally ill? It is difficult to know where your dd is in recovery without further information.

You sound pretty scared of the whole situation and passive. I get it. I really do. If your dd is still mentally ill, you don’t have so much time to work with her before she may tell you she’s an adult at 18. Have you done any research, read any books, attended workshops etc?

Oh and when I ask if she’s weight restored, that’s not just her torso. It’s very common for anorexics, who are eating to have weight around their stomach area but have very thin arms and legs. The body prioritises the vital organs.

For starters, does your dd have her period? I monitor everything with my dd.

Dd at 18, at uni, has her weight checked at the GP surgery.

Btw, from 16 y we had no communication from CAMHS, as per dd's wishes..

mummy I’m not asking you to assess what stage of recovery she’s at or what kind of a job I’m doing. I know that. I’ve been doing this for four years. I just wanted to get some ideas of how other people assess what their child’s state is when they are at a point of taking more responsibility for their own eating if they don’t weigh them. Just in case I’m missing something that could be useful. It sounds like we are using the same sorts of indicators, which is great, and I appreciate you sharing how you do it, thank you.

another, thank you. We don’t have CAMHS any more, she was discharged two years ago, but DD has not given permission for us to see her medical record since she turned 16 so it’s a similar situation. We will need to think about how we do things when she moves out, so it’s good to have an idea of what others do.

We are all doing the best we can to care for our kids who have a really tough illness. Well done us. ❤️

Just because you mentioned "moving out".
Dd is at uni where she, as mentioned, registered with GP and has regular weights, BP checked (took a while to get them to do it, but now monthly).
She also applied for DSA, who provide her with a mentor, weekly hour long chat. Mentor no expert in anorexia but hopefully still supports DD with mental health.