I have a Y11 teenager DD. She has always been intensely private (she has always struggled to share her thoughts/feelings), she is high IQ, and experiences social anxiety (more with adults than peers). She is in school, seems relatively happy (moods up and down), has friends, goes out, spends too much time on her phone, and does some study for exams, is fairly reactive, and gets annoyed at us a lot, but then moves on and is fine. All sounds fairly normal, I'd guess. I'm not sure if I'm worried because I'm seriously over thinking or because she is SO incredibly private, or because she is a teenager and I can't protect (or guide) her in the way I could when she was little.
So, all that said, I'm worried about her eating. We do not sit and eat together as a family very often (I have a busy work life, and my husband has always had very fussy/faddy eating, and he didn't have a family tradition of meals together).
My DD doesn't eat breakfast. For lunch, she eats a lot of hummus and carrots and pitta, and will eat sandwiches. For dinner, she sometimes makes herself chicken and vegetables, sometimes pasta, she again eats hummus, carrots, pitta; she will eat what I make when I make it (as long as it is salmon, chicken breast, burger, pasta). Her main courses are always on a smaller plate, and a moderate quantity. What she does eat with no restriction is sweet stuff. Ice cream, sweets, popcorn, chocolate etc. She also would drink gallons of diet coke/coke zero.
We have been out to eat twice in the last couple of months. Once she ordered steak and chips. She ate half of the steak and nothing else. The second time she had beef wellington, and she ate half of the steak and refused vegetables and potatoes. She also refused dessert.
What is worrying me is how restrictive she seems when it comes to savory food, and how restrictive she is about eating in front of us, but she is gaining weight. She isn't really obviously overweight. As an example, I would guess, at her age, that her BMI may not be in the overweight category. Perhaps I am comparing to my experience of food as a teenager (I could eat anything), and my body shape (which was naturally slim). It is clearly fine if her body shape isn't slim, but the fact that she is gaining weight when what I see is so much seeming food restriction is what is concerning me. Again, comparing to me as a teenager, I ate my breakfast, lunch and dinner without a thought or a problem. She bought herself a walking machine, and she told me that she went to the gym (associated with her school) every day last week.
I am concerned she is binge eating sugary stuff. But I don't know how problematised it is, nor if my raising it as an issue will make it more so. Given how very private she is, I know that if I try to talk to her about it the response will be very reactive and shouty. She will feel judged by my concern.
I guess I'm hoping some of you might be able to tell me if her behaviour sounds like it is within the range of 'normal' teenager eating fads, or if I am right to be concerned about restrictive eating in the face of weight gain. It feels like she isn't eating enough normal meals.
As well as thoughts on her eating, if you do think there might be an issue, if any of you have managed to discuss this with a child who doesn't want to talk to you about anything personal, please let me know how you broached it, or how you began to seek help. Thanks.