Young man with height dysmorphia - any experiences?

[thaneofglamour]

I put this in the ED part of MN in the hope that this might resonate with someone's experiences as it seems to have a similar profile of behaviours.

I am not sure what to do with DS (23 , lives at home). There are all sorts of issues around confidence, anxiety, holding down jobs, relationships with DH - all sorts. Aged 12 he did have some work from CAMHS and then CHUMS re eating issues, anxiety and school refusal.

Now 11 years on he has told me (via email- he won't let me talk to him) that he is totally obsessed with his height (tis was a thing when he was a small 12 year old too) to the detriment of his mental health (already not good). He is above average height so it is irrational. He says he compares himself to everyone (I know he keeps saying how tall everyone in the gym is and now he won't go). He said when he sees very tall women he feels especially bad about himself . I know this makes no sense because the chances of him actually seeing a woman taller than him are very low.

There are all sorts of family and job situations that exacerbate all of his anxieties. He eats badly but at the moment he is eating normally for him. He can't seem to tolerate the sound of otehr people eating though which is a bit of a red flag.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Google tells me this is height dysmorphia and part of BDD, possibly linked to ADH/OCD or even autism. The only past diagnosis he has had was for GAD 11 years back. I have probably missed lots of info out!

My first thought was OCD. I have experience of something very similar with my DH but his was related to something from the past.

The height thing is a red herring. The obsession and compulsive thoughts could really be about anything that can't be changed. I'm no expert, but the fact that the situation is impossible to "remedy" is exactly what allows the OCD to take hold because there's no "resolution" to it.

My DH had years of psychotherapy that were extremely helpful.

@thaneofglamour My son's friends range between 5 7 and 6 3. DS is a shade under 6ft but near enough ( a few mms ) He does not care. I would say if you DS is so worried about this then yes I might be worried about him worrying about him hitting 6ft. I am not sure how I can help you . Other than 5. 11 is pretty tall for a chap. I would not want to go out with Richard Osman - clever & funny as he is because I might get a crick in my neck . DH is 5 9 . Often the shortest in the room but it doesn't worry him so just to say - the height isn't the problem ( as I think you know )

I wish you well and hope your DS can get over this . I may send you a PM

The height thing is a red herring. As you say he's perfectly normal, though height does seem to be to young men what weight is to women. The issue is his fixation and combined with previous mental health struggles, I would assume it's all related to neurodivergence. You mention autism and it fits with my experience (my own and others close to me). We're more susceptible yo than messages around us, added to which, we're perfectionists, we fixate on things and we're desperately looking to be good enough to belong.

It will only lead to more misery. If you can , encourage him to seek an assessment for autism. Understanding himself will help him accept himself, at the moment he'll grab on to anything to explain the feelings of not being enough.

I think he has considered autism himself once whilst hunting for explanation. CAMHs years back said no but I think definitions have broadened since the days of fixing on eye contact and flapping arms.