ED seems to have kicked off for the first time- how do I deal with this?

[SignificantSalamander]

I have recently started limiting my calorie intake. I'm finding it very difficult to make myself eat enough to prevent weight loss. I've lost quite a lot. I've always had a difficult relationship with food and was over weight, so now I've lost a bit I'm at the top of 'healthy'. I'm worried though because although I know it's unhealthy, I can't stop limiting my food intake, it makes me feel in control. I also keep weighing myself. How do I stop feeling like this? I'm getting counselling for a childhood trauma, will that help?

Bump?

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this; it can escalate very quickly and while getting counselling for one area is a great idea, I'd strongly recommend looking for specific ED support. The charity BEAT are very helpful:

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

How do people deal with Xmas while feeling like this? I feel like everyone will be desperate for me to eat and drink loads and that's scary.

OP, I say this kindly: the pressure you're describing isn't anything anticipated from others, it's your own anxiety regarding the prospect of eating. I can recall a time when I felt similarly frightened around food; that's how I knew I was veering into ED territory. Please seek support with this.

Go and look at the BEAT website - lots of helpful info. Also, you could try the Tabitha Farrar website / books. They are aimed at adults in recovery from EDs but perhaps you may find it useful before you find yourself seriously unable to think straight in the grip of this thing. For what it's worth iirc she fell into an ED almost accidentally like you are describing. This isn't your fault, it's an illness and you deserve to get better from it. Reach out to anyone you can in RL.