Colleague throwing food away

[Herdwickange]

Hi. Odd situation at my workplace. Long story short female colleague has lost alot of weight over last year, beyond what looks healthy. She appears to eat no carbs at all, and yet is completely obsessed with food, talking about it, looking at pictures. Our workplace often gets gifts of biscuits etc as well as home bakes and birthday gifts and these are on a shared table in the staffroom. Over last few weeks things have been disappearing noticeably more quickly than usual, and we have been finding food in bins, sometimes half eaten. She has been seen taking food out to bins, and someone saw her spitting food into a tissue. We don't know how to deal with this - she seems obviously unwell , but we have tried to talk to her before and she denies having a problem. But she shouldn't be throwing away food that was bought or baked by staff and customers for us all to share. How should we approach her, if at all?

Don’t. Go to your manager or HR.

Take her aside, tell her you are concerned and explain what you have seen

Do not do this! The poor woman obviously has a major eating disorder and needs help. Speak to someone senior in HR and let them deal with it. Only speak to her if she's your best friend to offer support. It doesn't sound like she is.

You can’t deal with it,

do you suspect she’s binge eating all of the food you get and then just spitting it out / binning it half eaten?

as a short term thing you can try putting gifts of food out elsewhere. If it’s colleagues baking then they could not leave it in the staffroom.

ultimately, all you can do is raise your concerns with HR

Good grief. Imagine going to hr or a manager over this, it’s honestly like school kids telling teacher.

op. You’re a responsible adult. If anyone is close enough to her, then they can speak to her, otherwise her eating disorder is not your business, you can ask if she threw the food out and ask her not to In future.

Thanks for the replies everyone. As her attendance and performance are good I doubt HR would be that interested. We have occupational health but she would have to consent to a referral and I don't think she would.
I think its more that she can't bear the sight of the food in case her self control gives way. We had some m and s shortbread given and she had a look of sheer panic on her face when she saw it, and there were handfuls in the bin later. I am reasonably friendly with her but I'm not sure she would engage with me. She has family and friends outside of work too.
Seems trivial as its only biscuits but it's painful to watch, she shouldn't be doing it and she's obviously ill.

This is really difficult. Could you ask the very kind people who give the food to ensure that it's individually wrapped, such as penguin biscuits? I had a similar issue some years ago and was close enough to the team member to discuss it and reach a compromise.

Having said that, as a recovering alcoholic I once worked in a place where half empty bottles of wine were routinely stored in a fridge in the kitchen. For peace of mind, I stopped opening the fridge!

Can the food just be moved to somewhere more public? We keep ours on the end of the bank of desks and not in the staff room. It will be harder for her to binge if it's in the office and it will be handier for you.

Excellent idea above. Either that or pass them round when you bring them in.
in addition you could discreetly say I noticed your weight loss is significant. If you ever wanted to talk I’m here or you could access BEAT.

That’s a great idea @TinyMouseTheatre.

It’s a difficult situation, because while you absolutely don’t want to trigger her, she also shouldn’t be throwing away other people’s food.

she also shouldn’t be throwing away other people’s food.

I know. Such a difficult situation. She's obviously really suffering and on the other hand it's not fair if she's taking so much of the shared food.

Gosh it must be so hard for her.

Could the food be kept shut away to avoid her having to look at it?

And I do think her manager should ask if she would like to speak to OH. Though I wouldn’t have much hope for them, she might get a good one who can refer her?

There is help out there. Must be really difficult.

You just ignore it. Unless it's genuinely stopping you from performing your job.
You say you've seen her eating out of the bin? I find that quite hard to believe. And I've been hospitalised for anorexia.
Others eating habits are not your concern. If you worked in a kitchen and she was breaking food hygeine and eating off clients plates etc, then fair enough. Otherwise just ignore it.
If she has ED she will not accept being confronted, and will deny it. And probably leave. And never want to go to work again.
That sounds dramatic but honestly just leave it. Even if she is gravely unwell with ED there is nothing you can do about it.

We have a team that have had to put their shared food in a large box and put it in a drawer. Not for the same reason but it might work in your case.

Somebody has bought a very large Tupperware type box and it goes into a filing cabinet drawer in the office. The team are free to go and help themselves but the food is hidden and it's in a shared, busy space so no gorging or pinching.

I personally think that's a horrible attitude. So Op shouldn't be concerned about her?

@xyz111 it's not like that. It's just as a life long ED sufferer I know it won't go down well or help. Sadly.

I would find a place where it’s more openly visible and put it there. Is there a reception area?

Feel for her though

This isn't acceptable. Yes, she's unwell and suffering, but she's also spoiling something that is a nice treat for her colleagues and depriving them of something enjoyable. If I'd bought something nice for my team to share (let alone baked something myself) and then one person took it and wasted it/threw it out I'd be furious. Whatever next, is she also going to start binning people's nice lunches from the fridge?

If you don't want to confront her, send an email round and say that from now on treats to share are to be kept on the desk of whoever brought them in, or in the case of gifts from clients maybe you have an office manager who could take charge of those? Then just leave a notice in the staffroom saying eg "flapjacks on Paula's desk today - first come first served!" and people can help themselves from there.

Thanks for all the replies. I've had an informal chat with our line manager and we are going to try moving stuff to a different area. It is both maddening and worrying at the same time.

I appreciate your insight thank you. She's not eating out if the bin but seems to be taking bites then throwing the rest away. I believe that you are right a direct approach would not work as I don't think she accepts its a problem. We just need to manage it for the rest off the staff.

While I have sympathy for someone obviously struggling I'd still be annoyed at her spoiling food for everyone else .
Would it be too insensitive to ask ' where did all the xxx go ?'.
She must realise it's noticeable to others . Maybe it's such a compulsion she really can't control it , in which case she might be grateful for the food to be kept somewhere less private than the staff room .