Struggling with my relationship with food.

[Ilovetea13]

I've never had a great relationship with food/eating.
Always been on the border of being underweight and just filling myself up on snacks.
My body shape is just straight up and down.
Over the last 15 years I've been in what I now realise was a physically and emotionally abusive relation and it ended 9 months ago.
I've really fought hard to repair myself but my eating has gone worse.
For the first 3 months I was barely eating anything other then a piece of toast.
Now my appetite is back but I can't be bothered eating, I have no motivation to go in the kitchen and cook anything and I can't be bothered even ordering ingredients to cook with or look for recipes. I've even tried gousto/hello fresh but couldn't be bothered making them.
I work and have an autistic child I'm constantly tired. Possibly have adhd(undiagnosed)
I think I've snapped out of my depression but the food relationship remains, I weighed myself I'm 7st 13 n I'm 5ft8 so definitely underweight.
Today all I've eaten is a bag of crisps n a chicken sandwich, it's like I'm too lazy to cook for myself(child is always fed I'm happy to do his)
Thanks for reading, not sure what I'm asking really, how do I get out of this rut?

Sounds as though you may be depressed? If you have overwhelm and a DC with ASD, could you possibly have AudADHD? Not being able to organise yourself to buy and prepare food is a pretty common trait of ADHD.

Could you start by making sure you have an easy to prepare breakfast that you'll enjoy?

Do you know if your iron levels are low too? This can dramatically affect weight and appetite

What does your DC eat? Can you eat the things you prepare for them??
Do you have any food that you love?

On a practical level can you just double up on what you feed your child? When you’re eg making their school lunch, make 2 sandwiches and chop up 2 apples etc and put yours in a little box in the fridge. Similarly if you can manage to make your child a nutritious dinner you can make twice as much and eat with them.

Dinner time should be a social time as well as for eating so sitting down to eat together is important and models eg good table manners, the importance of healthy food, having a conversation over dinner without talking with your mouth full, clearing up afterwards and saying thank you for the meal. It’s about more than just eating - sharing a meal should be a family thing you do together and is a great time to talk about your days and for your child to open up about things in a relaxed setting.

Try and reframe it so that it’s not just about food, it’s about sharing something important with your child.

I know it’s hard, I would bet that I have AuDHD tendencies too, and I struggle with being organised and eating well too. I tend to overeat rather than undereat, but any kind of disordered eating is difficult and needs managing.