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Worried about DH

3 replies

Worried924 · 12/08/2024 13:23

NC for this, as DH knows I use Mumsnet.

I'm worried about him - I think with good reason, but I do have an over-active imagination so I need people to tell me I'm not crazy - as well as help on how to handle this.

Around a year ago, DH cut out snacks and started skipping the odd meal. I put it down to just trying to lose weight, but it gradually got worse to the point that there's no way he could have been consuming the bare minimum 1200 calories a day. He was also constantly ill when usually his immune system is really strong, feeling the cold when he's normally too hot. He started taking antacid and complaining of headaches. I noticed that whenever he took a bath, there would be bleach down the toilet afterwards - even when the toilet didn't need cleaning.

I voiced some of my concerns a few months ago. I didn't tell him that I suspected anxieties and bulimia, just that I'd noticed how little he was eating, the effect it was having on him and that I was worried. He didn't give me any direct answers, just kept saying that he was fine and that I shouldn't worry.

Since then, he's been eating better. Small portions, but 3 meals a day at least. He's not constantly fighting off colds any more. But there's still bleach down the utoilet after every bath and yesterday there was a small amount of vomit in the tub after he used it.

In the mean time, I've also become worried about how much he's drinking. I have no reason to think he's drinking in secret or at odd hours and there's no issue with how he behaves after drinking, but he's consuming 10 to 15 units every night - well into the realms of binging.

I know that if I bring either of these things up, he'll just be defensive. And I've seen so many posts on here where people say that you have to let adults make their own choices. And I have some unhealthy habits myself, so I'd be hypocritical to raise it - and he's never passed comment on them. But I'm so worried and have no idea what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
WishICouldWinnow · 12/08/2024 14:53

10-15 units a night is alcoholism, not binge drinking.
8 units in one go is binge drinking for men (6 for women).

If he’s drinking that much then his stomach will be affected so that could be why he’s using the bleach. He may also be suffering from painful reflux or gastritis due to drinking, that could cause vomiting & is definitely the reason for the antacids & probably the reduction in food too.
Heavy drinkers may also be deficient in B12 which can leave them with a lowered immune system. Alcoholics may also choose alcohol over food due to gastritis, liver disease or to save calories.
What are your unhealthy habits that stop you bringing up his alcoholism? It wouldn’t matter if you ate a whole Sara lee gateaux twice a week, it’s still necessary to raise his drinking. No, you can’t make him change, but you may need support for whatever lies ahead, that’s not a level of drinking that is going to be problem free forever, it’s not just cirrhosis or increased risk of cancer, but also dementia. I have alcoholics in my family, the effects it has on loved ones is awful. Sorry you are also dealing with this Flowers
There is support for family members at AA
https://al-anonuk.org.uk

Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics

Al-Anon Family Groups are for the families & friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength & hope in order to solve their common problems.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk

Worried924 · 12/08/2024 19:03

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and the information.

My OP wasn't clear, apologies - the heavy drinking is more recent than the food issues, so that's not the cause - two separate things going on here. I'm more confident raising the drink issue because it's something I'm sure about. The bulimia, my mind keeps clutching at straws - it was something other than vomit in the tub, there's some other explanation for always cleaning the toilet at that time of day.

My own bad habit is junk food, by the way. I don't binge, but I comfort eat, I make the wrong choices and I'm overweight - all of which could also lead to health issues longer term.

OP posts:
Worried924 · 13/08/2024 20:11

I did some more digging and found the drinking was worse than I thought and had been going on at those levels longer than I realised, so think you may have hit the nail on the head about it causing a lot of the symptoms.

Spoke to him tonight - he acknowledged the drink issue (with the evidence I had there wouldn't have been any point denying it) and wants to tackle it, I'll do whatever I can to support that. Denied any eating disorder - claimed to know nothing about the vomit, the bleach is just a coincidence.

OP posts:
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