Advice

[DrunkTinkerbell40s]

Hi all

I would like some advice about a friend of the family.

He's 17 and has admitted to me that he has an eating disorder. He makes himself sick after eating, severely restricts his calories. He's very very thin. He has also self harmed.

I am friends with his mum but he would be so upset with me if I spoke to her. He feels she has too much going on in her life without him adding to it. I absolutely don't agree with that but would hate to breach his confidence.

I don't know what to do and now feel a huge responsibility. I have suggested he go to the doctor as he can do that now without his mum knowing. I have talked to him and allowed him to talk to me. I'm not sure what else I can do :(

You’ve done all you can, you now have to tell his mum.

This is a serious medical and psychological issue that he will need help with. That is beyond your capabilities to help support. He will need his mother to help aid recovery.
If he had broken his leg, would you keep the secret from his mum? Of course you wouldn’t.

You've done your best by him but it’s time to get him some help, and the first stage of help is acknowledging he is ill and telling his family.

You don't have to tell his Mum but you do need to make sure he gets medical help, it's a medical emergency. He may seem physically okay (just very thin) but it will be putting a huge strain on his body and his heart so you need to act. You could try going to the GP with him? Not necessarily going to the appointment but going with him to the surgery? Or ask him to speak to BEAT, or you can speak to BEAT. If none of this works you have to tell his Mum

I'd tell his mum. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health condition (he is a risk of heart problems due to the bulimia let alone his low weight and the risk of infection/complications from self harm) and part of the associated low mood/feeling of worthlessness will be the sense you're unfairly burdening loved ones by asking for support.

Could you suggest to him that you tell him mum together because she needs to know and would want to know no matter how much she has going on? Having you there with him as a support might really be helpful.

Thank you so much everyone.
We have a common friend who has some history herself of anorexia so I will speak to her and see if she would feel comfortable talking to mum, I think she'd receive it better from her as they are closer x