What should I do?

[samvimesboots]

My DD (9) told me that she's worried about her friend who I'm going to call Lucy (10). Lucy has been hiding her food at lunch, either asking the others to take some of it to the bin, or sneaking it to the bin while the staff aren't watching. DD says Lucy is also being very negative about her looks and quite sad. All the girls have hot meals, DD says Lucy likes the food but doesn't want to "get fat".

Here's my question. Should I either
a) Do nothing.
b) Tell the teacher.
c) Tell Lucy's mum.

A bit of background. DD's closes friend group is 4 girls including Lucy. They seem to all get on well. Lucy is one of the oldest in the year and it just so happens the other 3 are all summer born. Both Lucy's mum and dad are tall so Lucy does stand a head taller than the other 3 girls. Lucy's dad works abroad and only comes home on leave. Her Mum is in one of those careers where you have to keep on top of you professional qualifications and I know she has a major assessment/exam coming up. Lucy has one sister who's doing A-Levels. I mention this for background but also to point out that they have busy lives (like a lot of us).

I don't think the class teachers go into the lunch room.

I know her Mum well enough to have a coffee while the girls play but not a friend. I would have to tell her over whatsapp.

I don't think the class teachers go into the lunch room.

I hope this is the right thread to get advice.

I keep flip flopping between saying something to a teacher and doing nothing, so over to you hive mind.... What should I do?

I would tell the mum.
I don’t think you should have put so much identifiable info on here though, surely others that have DC in the school will recognise who this is about with the info you’ve given about her parents work/working away.

I think you should make the mum aware

I didn’t need to read the whole spiel about the mum being busy. I would email the school…. Mainly because if there is an issue at home it’s not going to be obvious to you and I wouldn’t want my DD’s friendship to be impacted by “telling tales”.

You should tell the mum. And I think the info about busyness and stress is very relevant.
I’d be wary of telling the school directly as someone did that with my daughter and my daughter was weighed weekly by the school nurse then without my knowledge and it became an utter shitshow (and I don’t say that lightly).

I have changed the details quite a bit so it isn't identifiable. I perhaps should have simply said family is busy with a major concentration on other things at the moment.

Thank you for sharing about your experience at the school @SilverBranchGoldenPears. I hadn't really thought about what they might do with this info. This is hard. I'm so sorry your daughter was put through that.

Sorry OP when I said I didn’t need to read about the family…. I meant I decided before I got that far. 😊

No worries @Divebar2021 . I appreciate you commenting. I'm new here and the friends I would usually ask have kids at the school, so don't want to involve them.

Interestingly no one has said - ignore this or kids usually hide food. I think I'm going to have to speak to the mum.