"Too intelligent for counselling"

[CharlotteBog]

I was talking to a friend today who has concerns about her young adult daughter. She knows I have had my own problems, but not to what degree.

At one point she said her daughter was too intelligent for therapy.
I take umbrage at this. I had a lot of support from an ED MN nurse and a consultant psychologist. They got to know me, learnt what my level of education was and my current profession.
I believe EDs are more common in high achieving, perfectionists ie. I'm pretty sure ED teams are used to working with intelligent people.

My inclination is to talk to her about it - give her my POV so that she can see that it might be useful for her daughter, but it would be quite an effort to explain it all and my impression I got is that the daughter is doing OK at the moment but resistant to support i.e. me talking to her won't make a difference.

So, I'm writing it here to get it off my chest.

your friend doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the box op

which i suspect is not a huge surprise to you unless you’ve only just met her

That said, when I went under the care of a different team, I just didn't click with the psychological therapist. I felt she was working her way through the manual using techniques that didn't work for me. That's fair enough to start with, but she didn't adapt over time.

My inclination is to talk to her about it - give her my POV so that she can see that it might be useful for her daughter, but it would be quite an effort to explain it all and my impression I got is that the daughter is doing OK at the moment but resistant to support i.e. me talking to her won't make a difference.

why bother? she won’t listen

are you recovered? or ongoing process?

I think your friend made a stupid comment OP- however, it doesn't sound malicious (you say she's not aware of the degree of MH support you have received) though I understand why you feel offended. Her comment was ridiculous though.

What would you hope to get out of speaking to her? Are you emotionally ready to explain your circumstances to someone who may not react well/not be overly supportive?

Ouch. No, she's intelligent. I think it was more that she was finding acceptable reasons for her daughter no engaging rather than 'my daughter is being very stubborn and not accepting she has a problem'.
It was quite a frustrating conversation with me saying something and her saying "we've tried that, trust me". Maybe she felt I was judging her.

This is why I'm writing here.

She won't listen if you say anything she's being high handed and that's going to be detrimental to her daughter which is a real shame, of course counciling isn't for everyone but I don't think you can be "too intelligent " for it that is a ridiculous statement.

Gosh, you're quite aggressive in your responses.

huh?

Your friend has pretty much stated that anyone having counselling is thick

she has upset and angered you

and you’re peed off with me?! odd

I don't think I would get anything. I think her daughter is healthy at the moment so she is not looking for support.
She would readily listen to me and be very kind if I talked to her, but I would feel uncomfortable doing so.

basically what i said and just been told im aggressive so brace yourself

she’s not emotionally intelligent on the basis of your OP

I saw 😳 .

This Is a too the point response I don't know why you thought it was aggressive.

Crikey, I was expecting people to be a bit more gentle on this topic board.

how odd

Your friend demonstrated insensitivity and actually quite offensive view to a friend she has an idea received counselling

You start a thread about how it upset you

and we are agreeing with you essentially

but bafflingly you seem to want us to stick up for your friend

I said I took umbrage.
I find people pulling her to shreds quite hard to read. It's not a 'taking sides' situation.

I said I just wanted to get it off my chest and I guess though others might be able to empathise.

It's probably too complicated to discuss here.

If you would feel uncomfortable discussing your situation and you don't think it would benefit her daughter currently, then I would be inclined to try and let it go. It doesn't sound like she is in a position to hear your viewpoint right now, and it seems unlikely you would achieve your aim of getting her to see where you are coming from, especially if you think she might feel judged from the conversation.

If your friend is normally a kind and considerate person, then I would put it down to her being worried about her daughter and saying something stupid (and inadvertently offensive). It doesn't mean you can't feel irritated though.

If you say that a person takes umbrage, you mean that they are upset or offended by something that someone says or does to them

but ill bow out because i think your friend was thoughtless and a lacking in intelligence but you take umbrage with that view too

Your friend has a point. Loads of people are too intelligent for counselling. I know loads of bright girls who have run rings around psychologists and psychiatrists while in counselling. My own son was in counselling at a very young age for ARFID and was discharged ‘cured’ when he convinced the young psychiatrist that he had indeed completed all of his CBT tasks and that yes, they were working, and yes he was now eating a more varied diet. If he could work it out at 8, I think an A level student would find it easy to get through mandated therapy.

I don’t see why we have to pretend it is impossible.

My psychiatrist (who I see for an ED amongst other things) has previously told me that I'm too smart for some types of therapy. I mainly take this to mean that I'm a bit of a pain.

That is the biggest example of someone being in denial I can remember. She is not acknowledging her DD's pain, and is putting her own feelings/needs first. Pretty unforgiveable if her DD can be helped but the mother does not want to face up to her daughter's problem. You can't be "too intelligent" for therapy - that is ridiculous, and shows that she is a bit dumb herself as well as selfish. Sorry to be harsh, but I have been on the receiving end of this kind of attitude. No need to tell her your issues, OP but maybe point out that her DD's interests should come above her own.

A friend with a good psychology degree ran rings around her counsellor. Knew all the moves. Was trying for a PTSD diagnosis, which surprise, surprise, she got. Been trading on it ever since. Now an ex-friend.

I actually understand where your friend is coming from. The wording was clumsy and she probably (hopefully) didn't mean that people who have counselling are thick, but if you are a very logical thinker counselling has a very limited effect in my experience.

I was having a perfectionism related breakdown a while ago, and having counselling did absolutely nothing. I recognised I had a problem - hence seeing someone about it - but none of the techniques seemed applicable. Reframing intrusive thoughts, is this thought truthful/helpful, keeping a diary of feelings etc. it all seemed simplistic and I could logic my way out of a lot of those sorts of questions/thought processes, justifying them and hence actually entrenched a lot of my harmful thought patterns for longer because they seemed more valid as counselling has shown me they were worth fixating on.

Maybe that is what your friend is afraid of? My breakdown was not life-threatening, ED can be and your friend must be terrified for her daughter.

I’m not sure you can be too intelligent for therapy. You can choose to engage or choose not to. Nothing smart about that.
The irony of course is people who try to cheat the system/not engage (call it what you like) are probably those who need it the most.
It’d be a shame if your friend doesn’t give it a chance for her DD.