To be worried about how much food I’m eating

[Ellarose23]

No hate please , I know I’ve posted about this problem before but I am overthinking
I’m underweight due to previously having anorexia nervosa, I’ve now got orthorexia (obsession with eating healthy foods) as I’m scared of eating anything unhealthy not because I’m scared to gain weight but because of hearing stuff like “fat gives you heart diseases” or sugar causes cancers etc . so today I was hungry and feel like I’ve went on a binge . I had 2 butter plain au chocolats which are high in fat for breakfast and was gonna just not eat much more so I wasn’t eating too much fat , then I went shopping and started getting shaky so I said fuck it I’m getting a McDonald’s ,6 nuggets and fries . Don’t even wanna know the fat contents . Then now I’m still hungry so opened a bag of galaxy counters chocolate and nearly ate the full bag . I’ve still to eat dinner .
to others this may sound silly , but I’m genuinely panicking and I’m still on a waiting list for help with this .
honestly social media has ruined everything for me as anything I eat it’ll tell me it’s gonna cause heart disease, cancer etc
i also had McDonald’s the day before that too . But it’s rare I eat like this so I’m hoping a one off is fine .
I hope someone can offer advice , moral support and experience. Please no hate I am waiting to get help :( thank you

Not sure nuggets are that bad for you tbh. Eating all that kind of food for the rest of your life wouldn't be so good but try not to be so hard on yourself today.

This is the mental health aspect of the disorder speaking to you OP. Look at it like a tiny little bull raging about in a pen, all of which is about two inches big. It can't hurt you. You can watch and indulge and soothe, but don't let it hurt you.

What do you KNOW is the right thing to do?

You know you have to eat some food.
You know that some protein, some veg and some carbs would be a good choice.

Watch the little bull rage about in the pen, watch the 'wrong think' thoughts come into your mind and overturn them. You know how to eat well, you know the theory. Put it into action, one good meal, good choices made, and then stop and do something else.

You can do it xxx

Go easy on yourself. Even if you had a McDonalds every day for a week it won't give you heart disease or cancer.

Everything in moderation, it's ok to have a fuck it day and eat whatever you like, it's not going to do you any harm.

You are more likely to fall off the waggon by being super strict all of the time. Maybe set yourself a 'cheat' day - mine is Sunday

First, stop obsessing about food. Nothing's forbidden but some foods are just empty calories. Second, do some meal planning and shop for fresh, nutritious, delicious food. Then when you get the urge for junk food you can redirect yourself to lovely healthy homemade meals.

It's a lot of junk but it's not everyday. So long as you only do it once a month or so.

If I was able just to “stop obsessing about food” I’d not have this issue , it’s not that simple

Id first consider coming off all social media. You won’t be getting accurate evidenced -based facts from there. Are you getting any support from mental health professionals? Occasional junk food is really not going to cause any harm.

I’ve been waiting ages for an appointment with the mental health team and dietician :(

I understand. In that case, skip the first step and jump straight to the second. Don't wait for the mental health team - this is your life and you have to grab the bull by the horns. Go to the supermarket and buy the food you need for delicious meals: Some protein, some carbs and some vegetables. Prepare the meals. Enjoy them. Even if you're not feeling it, push yourself to go through the motions and healthy eating will become habit.

You know very well that recovery is not linear.
Intellectually you know that a day of eating high fat, processed food isn't going to harm you. Try not to dwell on it, what's done is done. Tomorrow is another day.

During my recovery I have learnt to be kind to myself i.e. do what I've suggested above. Then sit with the feelings for a bit. They won't kill you.

It's probably not as easy as just removing social media, it's part of the self destructive behaviour. But try and delay looking, or look for less time, or have a day where you don't. Achieving those small goals will firstly show you that your life does not implode when you don't 'get your fix' and also give you a sense of achievement which will make you feel good, thus encouraging you to continue to challenge yourself. I say social media, but it applies to all the aspects of your life you're struggling with.

Are you meal planning? You know this is by far the best way to stop you unravelling and driving yourself to torment.

What do you do during the day to keep busy?

Today does not define the rest of your life #orthorexiasurvivor

There are lots of good accounts and advice on SM. You can use SM to help you rather than getting deeper into the issue. Let me know if you would like to have a look at some @s

Thank you , I don’t currently meal plan, but I need to . I usually have healthy fats like extra virgin olive oil, pumpkin seeds etc loads of Greek yoghurt , eggs but then other people will say this isn’t enough for someone who needs to gain weight , so frustrating !
I have a 6 month old , she keeps me busy 🤣

Proud of you 🤍 thank you

Awww, a 6 month old. I bet she does indeed keep you busy!

When you say 'other people' who do you mean? Well meaning but not well informed (about your ED) people, or health professionals? If the former, then try and let it roll off your back (hard I know). If the latter then listen to them. It can sometimes take the stress away from you if you hand over some decisions to those who you trust.

Do you think you could write a meal plan for one day? Then go from there.
I am sure you have all the tools. I know it can be absolutely exhausting to change things, even though you know you need to. It can be easier to stick to what's safe (in your head).

Your post has helped me actually. In writing my response to you, it's made me think how I am doing and how I need to tweak things to get back on track.
So, thank you.