HELP

[Mumofellie]

Hi all I’m new here, my daughter have lost a lot of weight over the past 3 years and is now really really skinny to the point ppl have started to notice. We have an app with CHAMS in April. About 5 weeks ago I had a conversation with my daughter and stressed how worried I was about her and her weight she has since admitted to restricting her foods and not eating unhealthy foods and this is why she has lost so much weight. Since then she has started eating more and is eating foods that’s she classes as unhealthy and her daily calories have gone up by almost 600 a day. She will not get on the scales so I can’t see if what we are doing is working. I feel more helpless and frustrated now than what I did before my daughter started eating more. I worry everyday thinking she’s not eating enough even though I know she’s upped her calories and eating foods she would never dream of before. Will CHAMS support me even if my daughter won’t go back after the first appointment??

Your daughter needs professional help and you have done the right thing in talking to her and setting this up.

The treatment and support is amazing these days. My dds friend is at rmch and to see the improvement in a space of a few months is wonderful. They will support you also.

I had an eating disorder in the 80s and there was nothing or no one to understand or help. Consequently it took me years to recover.

Good luck with seeing the professionals. There will be a way through this both of you with patience and time.

Thanks for your reply. The appointment cannot come quick enough honestly as I don’t know if I’m doing right for doing wrong not sure if I’m saying and doing the right or wrong things. We have holidays booked and I don’t know if I should be cancelling these or not is this something the professionals will be able to advise me with aswell?

This website has some helpful advice in the meantime whilst you wait on professional help. The skills section is especially useful for parents.

https://caredscotland.co.uk/

Sorry me again, my daughter is eating more than she used to but has now developed sunken eyes. Could she still be loosing weight even though she’s eating more than she did??

My dd has been reducing for 6 months and gone over the edge the last couple of weeks. I’ve been reading a lot around eating disorders over the last few days and watched a really helpful video posted on another thread. What I learned is that if the body has been deprived for a long time, it will need a lot of calories to recover. So your dd may need a lot more calories than if she had eaten a healthy amount over the past 3 years. She may also need certain supplements and to eat certain foods to ensure the body can process the nutrients.

It’s all explained in this video if you haven’t watched it:

https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/video/end-ed-dr-leanne-barron

Well my daughter has been lying to me for weeks, taking food to school but admitted lastnight to throwing it in the bin which i never thought she’d do as she always moans about ppl wasting food. She opened up lastnight and told me a lot. We ended up in a&e because she was so weak and had not drank anything for over 3 days. I now feel completely useless and have just been told to wait till wed until she has her first assessment. I now don’t want to leave her on her own so am going to have to give up work until I can sort something. Any useful website for anxiety please as I need to look after myself so I can look after her

Hi. My primary school aged Dd is currently under CAMHS for an eating disorder.

They have been fantastic. We have been going for 3 weeks, reporting to a multi disciplinary team. They will

Soon decide which team will ge best to support her. My dd was over-exercising to burn off the calories.

We now have strict rules over meals. We prepare all meals and she is supervised whilst she ears them. She has to have snacks and supper.

It isn't easy. What was shocking was when it was revealed that she has been feeling faint and having chest pains. She had an ECG this week. Thankfully her BP was better this week.

It isn't easy. But you will be fully supported by CAMHS. I am just taking 1 day at a time.

At present she can't go on a school trip or exercise. I've gently explained that although she may have controlled her size, she is losing control of everything else.

I am exhausted....but there are times when I see glimpses that we will get through this.

Hi thanks for replying it isn’t easy is it. I’ve felt so drained today but I’m gonna get the support I need from a therapist aswell so I can better support her. She had actually drank today which is really good and had a few bits to eat. I’m kinda wanting wed to come quick but also know they are going to tell her to eat more which will be hard for her and I really do not know if she will do it or not. My daughter had bloods and ecg lastnight luckily no damage to her kidney as yet and I’m hoping she keeps drinking more like she had today to keep it like that. I’m scared that when we’re all in bed she is going to exercise and we won’t know. I slept with her lastnight as she asked me to but she’s said I can sleep in my own room tonight as she knows I didn’t sleep and she also needs her space

The first CAMHS session was a long one. It included a nurse from the eating disorder team EDT. A family therapist. Behind a glass screen was a dietician and a student. They quizzed us on everything. From her birth weight, childhood - everything. I honestly think our dd is relieved that we are doing something about it.

They did quiz her about her social media usage. Tiktok should be banned. Dd is not allowed to use it. The first question they ask at each session is whether she has been using it. Dd hasn't been searching online about eating disorders or weight - but her friends have. The algorithms that Tiktok use means that what her friends look at then feeds into her stream.

Although she is year 6, there appears to be a lot of body shaming. Comments about weight and diet have been picked up by dd and she has got herself in a mess. She has admitted that she wants to eat but her head tries to stop her.

At present she is wanting constant attention. She is feeling insecure. She needs tobe supervised. It's exhausting. I find i am happy to go to work or walk the dog.

Look after yourself

Aww bless your daughter is so young I hope she gets through this quick. My daughter is same she wants to eat but her head is telling her not to because she will put weight on. She has asked me to remove the scales I had in bathroom so that’s a good step. I’ve been asking her for months to get on them so we knew what she weighed but she was adamant that she wouldn’t get on hence y they was still in there if I knew the truth months ago they wouldn’t have been in there. My daughter does go on TikTok and other social media things so wonder if they are going to tell her same next week. I’m hoping that if it’s someone else telling her apart from me that she will actually listen. You are doing an amazing job hun xx

Something I discovered with my dd. If she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t drink more than a few ml. It’s like the body and mind are completely stuck and she needs the food to create thirst.

Have you contacted BEATS? These are the links they provided me in an email after I contacted them last weekend. This includes links to books, which I imagine will have tips:

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/helpful-books/

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/tips-for-supporting-somebody-with-an-eating-disorder/

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/worried-about-a-friend-or-family-member/#:~:text=You%20could%20make%20an%20appointment,different%20types%20of%20help%20available.

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/stages-of-change/

This is an online support group. This should give some guidance in dealing with anxiety. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/pod-e-learning-platform/#:~:text=With%20POD%2C%20you%20can%20connect,someone%20with%20an%20eating%20disorder.

If you are able to contact BEATS and have a chat this would probably be really helpful. They open at 3pm most days I think.

How old is your dd? Mine is 15. Does she have many friends and do any of them know about her ED? Are they old enough to to support her? My dd has had 3 friends over in the past few days and a few sleepovers. One of the girl’s mums had a severe ED as a teen and spoke to my dd and I yesterday about it. This was really helpful in getting us to understand how to refeed. Dd reluctantly agreed with her friend’s mum to eat 3 times a day.

She’s very angry with me right now because she wants to just not eat and her stomach hurts. Yesterday she ate the most, probably over 1000 calories when she had eaten maybe 1200 calories in the 2 weeks prior to enlisting friends. Then her friend, who stayed over got her to eat the agreed breakfast. During those 2 weeks, dd drank very little and was much as you described your dd when you took her to A&E albeit somehow was not dehydrated but she looked awful.

If there is anyone you and your dd can lean on maybe now is the time?

My dd also has a lot of anxiety. I do too over this. Dd is being absolutely vile to me as she doesn’t want to eat. It’s terribly hard. I’m using Mumsnet to help me. I would recommend some grounding techniques. This is just an example. But anything you can do to help yourself. https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques. I’ve done a lot of grounding, centring and protecting so when dd is out (she’s going into town in a minute with her fried for lunch), I’m going to take some me time to ground myself. There will be YouTubes online if you have a google.

Well DD was admitted to hospital last Wednesday after our first meeting with CAMHs she had to go straight to hospital and is still in. Since then she has been eating 3 meals a day and 2 snacks and they have now said that she need to have two puddings a day after her dinner and tea, this is a lot and she is really struggling with this now. I know she has to eat more calories to put the weight on but it’s a lot within a week to say she was only eating 1 meal a day. They are hoping to discharge her on Friday and I’m hoping her stint in hospital is enough for her to make sure she doesn’t go back in. Anyone else dealt with CAMHs and it been successful, I’m struggling to see this working with the amount she had to eat after just 1 week. If you don’t deal with CAMHs who can you deal with??

Oh bless your dd. I am trying to keep my dd on an even keel. It’s hard. Mine didn’t eat all day today at or before school. She takes breakfast on the bus and this came home untouched and despite discussing her lunch options with a teacher she bought nothing. I asked her to eat as soon as she came through the door and she has now eaten twice.

A couple of days ago she admitted she needs to eat and is not fighting me constantly anymore. This change happened because she has been eating a good amount of food most days, albeit one day she didn’t eat at all, since I last posted so her brain is functioning better and can now process that she needs to eat. She no longer thinks she doesn’t eat to live but the hunger signals aren’t really there yet.

Idk if this is useful info but from what I’ve read / seen the brain senses food as danger when calories have been heavily restricted and once eating has restarted for a little while, the danger signals abate. I haven’t had any interaction with CAHMS.

@Mumofellie how are you and dd doing?

Hi, she has been home from hospital since Friday have just had to go back yesterday and today to have blood pressure etc checked and they have discharged her today but also said if she or we think she needs to go back in just to call ward and she can go straight back in, this hospital was fantastic. Since home she has kept up everything she was eating in hospital and had things she wouldn’t let herself have before. We have a CAMHs meeting again on Tuesday which she’s not looking forward to because she doesn’t like them, I understand y but she will eventually know that they have helped her.

Hi, I was wondering how you got on. My dd is still in the first phase of CAMHS which is to restore her weight/health. I still get a little resistance to food, but I think because she is so young she is doing what we tell her to. She has to have snacks mid morning and afternoon. We now have her making white chocolate covered blueberries. For desert we have home made ice cream (Thick cream and condensed milk) which is very calorific. I add butter to anything I can.

Hi mumofeillie you'd be welcome on the carers of you g people with eating disorders thread, all of us on that thread have been where you are now.

It's very scary but good your dd is now in the system and getting support.

To recover from anorexia takes a huge amount of food. Have the team explained family based treatment to you?

3 meals a day and 3 snacks is the standard with the aim that your dd gains between 0.5-1kg a week.

It is very hard and it's awful to see your child suffering but they need the food so being able to tolerate their distress is key.

It has a good success rate when implemented so keep going.

How do I find the thread please x

thread 12 for parents of young people with an eating disorder www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/5033256-support-thread-12-for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder

I'm hoping I've done the link right! Let me know if it doesn't work.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5033256-support-thread-12-for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?page=8&reply=134545910

@Mumofellie just in case the link above doesn’t work for you.

@Mumofellie glad hospital was a positive experience for you and dd and that she’s continuing to eat now she’s back home. The thread @Girliefriendlikespuppies recommended is a wealth of information and support. Hoping the appt on Tuesday goes better than anticipated.