I think I have an ED and....

[MRSMTO]

It's wrecking my health.

I have lost 6.5 stone since the beginning of June. I have achieved this by not eating, I have one tiny meal a day, I have a bag of crisps for lunch and that's it. When I do eat, however low fat I then take 120mg of Orlistat.

I now appear to have persistent thrush (I don't know if this could be a stress thing or lack of vitamin thing), my hair is falling out so badly, I am unbelievably tired all the time and my emotions are all over the place. I have a patch of dermatitis that I can't get rid of and I am utterly fed up. I can't sleep properly.

I have shut off from food I think, as a punishment for not wanting to stay married to my lovely husband. We have been married a long time, 18 years, we married when I was 21 and I just don't love him anymore. I dream of being alone, in a little flat with my son happily Co-parenting but I know I that's not what will happen. My family love him and they will be so disappointed but I feel I have lost who I am and I can't remember. He's here booking days out and expensive holidays that I just don't want to go on. It makes me feel sick.

I need help firstly with the hair and thrush thing because they are causing me stress.

I'm frightened for my future.

I think you need help with the eating first and that will sort your hair and thrush issues. Have you been to see your GP? If not that is where I would start.

OP as someone who has suffered from an eating disorder in the past please go and see your GP your health is the most important thing right now,once you are getting some help with this,you can look at why you feel unhappy in the relationship and ultimately it's your choice and your choice only not that of your partner,your family or his family,but the main priority right now is getting some help for your eating disorder,please make that first step and good luck

You need to see a doctor, your health is at stake. Your body won’t cope with this treatment for long, eating disorders can be fatal. And you have a child who needs you.

The hair problem will solve itself when you are eating better, there’s no magic solution for that. The thrush is probably because your immune system is damaged from malnutrition.

See a doctor, and when you are well enough see a divorce solicitor.

I don't know enough about EDs so forgive me if this question sounds odd. I understand you're not eating because you've shared that you're punishing yourself for not wanting to stay with your husband, but why are you taking weight loss pills on top? Has he said something to you which makes you want to lose so much weight? E.g has he or someone else made fun of your weight?

He doesn't like me thin. And I am thin now, I was thin when I met him and although I have never been fat he preferred me bigger because I didn't want to go anywhere without him. He is a bit older than me (7 years) and whilst he got to do the whole holidays with friends etc I never did. Because I was married. I said in May that I felt old, I never went or did anything alone and he didn't like it, though he never actually said he didn't. He can be quite cutting without realising it.

I think I woke up one day in June and thought 'I must do something about this' and the eating etc is something that I can do without him having any input over it like he has input into absolutely everything else.

I lay in bed not feeling as though I can breath, I feel constantly in a state of panic and then I'm tired again the next day and I'm the bad one for being miserable. I am fucking miserable. I love being at work because it means I'm not at home.

Thanks to everyone. What do I say to the GP? Oh I'm useless and iv stopped eating. I'm so lost by it all.

@MRSMTO

He doesn’t sound quite so lovely in your update.

He was 28 and you were 21 when you married, that’s a quite a big power differential. How old were you when you started dating him?

He sounds slightly controlling. I’m getting the impression he had lived a little and you hadn’t and he knows that hence he didn’t like you bringing it up.

I’d advise speak to GP and get some counselling exploring your feelings on the marriage . If you can afford to go private do that as nhs waiting lists are long.

Can you go on a weekend break with a friend or a solo trip somewhere? I don’t see why being married means you don’t get to do anything yourself. My friend was married and had her first child by 24 but fifteen years later still goes on solo trips to Europe and visits friends in various parts of the uk because she has a supportive and loving husband.

Just be honest with the gp op explain everything like you have here about how much weight you have lost how much you are eating ,etc are you sure your partner is not just worried about you beacuse he can see how much weight you are losing?if he is controlling you beacuse he doesn't want you to be slim then of course that's controlling behaviour,but like I said in my previous post it's important to get help, getting help saved my life,sure I spent months on a EDU feeling embarrassed being the only male on the unit but it saved my life that's why I'm so passionate about others seeking help

” I was thin when I met him and although I have never been fat he preferred me bigger because I didn't want to go anywhere without him”

This is a bit of a red flag, do you mean your self esteem fell when you were bigger so you didn’t want to go anywhere without him and he was basking in that? If so thats incredibly unhealthy.

I really feel you should try and seek your independence. Being married doesn’t mean being joined at the hip. Do you have friends hobbies etc? If not, try and get some!

If he really is the lovely husband you say he is, he’ll support you.

And just explain to the GP what you’ve posted here, perhaps you could even show her the mumsnet post on your phone if you feel stuck for words. They’ll have heard it all before and I’m sure will be sympathetic and if they’re not - get a new GP.

You need to see your GP as PPs say

Also contact BEAT the eating disorders charity

Treating the eating disorder will sort out your other symptoms, you won’t be able to fix eg hair loss any other way as your body is in starvation mode.

It sounds like you need some counselling full stop. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to leave your marriage. You married v young and people change.

You just tell the GP what you told us here. And please also ring BEAT for advice.

OP it’s very clear from update your husband is not lovely, but emotionally abusive.

Are you in a position to leave? Women’s Aid will also be able to provide advice.

Thanks for the reply @MRSMTO. I'm glad you're open to seeing your GP. They will know once they see you all they need to know so I dont actually think you need to work out what to say. It is important that you tell your GP how you're feeling and how you need emotional and mental support. It sounds like your husband has been abusing you in some ways so I think talking to your GP will really help you to understand your options.

Hes not lovely. The face he shows to your family is a fake. Tell them he doesn't want to let you out of his sight and he wants you to feel unattractive so you don't want to go anywhere. That isn't lovely.

Even if your family never understand though, it's not them who are being treated like this, its you. So in the end their opinion is irrelevant.

You seem to have a pretty good idea of what triggered your ed (not that I am any kind of expert) . Hopefully this will be very helpful in speeding your recovery.

Very best wishes on your journey to loving and valuing yourself again. You absolutely deserve to be well.

If you were never fat, and you've lost 6.5 stone you must be extreamly thin now. Please visit your GP. This is very worrying.

What is your BMI now OP?

My BMI is about 15. He threw my scales away about a month ago. He is controlling but he's always suggested that perhaps the people I want to go out with arnt the best people 'for me'. A new girl at work, who I really enjoy the company of has asked if I'd like to go out to the pub after work one night, he's taken a dislike to her without even knowing her and isn't keen on that idea at all. And to be honest I havnt gone because it's just not worth the aggro if I do.

Bloody Hell OP, you are seriously, seriously underweight. Please get to the GP as soon as possible and they will get you help.
Best of luck.

OK, you need to urgently go to the GP for the ED.

But you also urgently need to look in the Freedom Programme and Women's Aid, as you are in an emotionally abusive relationship that has triggered this ED and you won't be able to heal unless you can get out of the relationship.

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much 💐

Perhaps should have said that I suffered ED for a number of years, but I promise you can get out the other side.

That’s extremely worrying. Your BMI is 15 and your husband hasn’t encouraged you to seek medical attention immediately? Isn’t your family worried?

I can hazard a guess that he likes you either extremely underweight or slightly bigger because he thinks you’re less desirable to others and less confident at those “extremes”

I’d say you should go to the pub with that girl if she seems nice . Go out and make some new connections. I’m sure eventually you could do with people to confide with in real life. This man is trying to isolate and control you - he really isn’t lovely at all.

Please seek help today!

I can't carry on like this can I. I didn't realise how bad it had got until last night and I think I half thought I was being dramatic. It's all my own doing. I'm so so tired.

I will start with the GP.

The GP is a good start, and when you have some strength back, please leave your abusive husband.