Is it possible to change at 40?

[Glitterypolishedturd]

Is there hope, a magic medicine, or a way forward at the age of 40, to get help with suspected previously undiagnosed ADHD and problems with bulemia, restrictive eating and binge eating?

I feel like bulemia is the only way I made it through some pretty horrific times. I know that's fucked up and reason with myself that there are better ways, and I know how to have a healthy diet and eat right, but I have poor impulse control and hate myself for it. I'd love to know if anyone has been in a similar position and has managed to make things better.

I can't advise about ADHD but for your eating disorder, you can go to your GP, explain your symptoms and ask them to refer you to your local area eating disorders service. You can also get help and advice from BEAT - https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Hi I've been given the amazing opportunity to be on a CBT course with the eating disorders team at last at 46. I have atypical bulimia at most at the moment , (people tend to move through different ED phases) so I was very lucky to get a place, I only got the chance because of the risk my disorder could effect absorption of meds for my bipolar.

Try and get referred for sure, there's always hope whatever our age.

Expect the waiting list to be long - that's just the way it goes.

When you ask for a referral make a point of saying why you need it now, ways in which your life and health are negatively impacted by your illness etc.

It helps me if I have absolutely no spare money around to spend on compulsive eating, it goes somewhere else/into something else. I appreciate it's quite an awkward/precarious way to live though.

The free Nourishly app is kind of cute if you set it up for bulimia, it has inspirational and relaxing stuff in with a food diary.

Another thing that helped was to say to myself 'I will never purge again.' Maybe I have once since but the resolution was a good one. If you do purge then just get back on the wagon again.

Also if you use it as a coping strategy then find other ways of coping, do something different.

You can recover at any time if you really want to and have support. It is hard even with support and I don’t think many people are able to do it totally alone.

Beat is a good start, you could also see your GP.

I'm doing better at 55. I'm not there yet, and my issues were probably not as severe as yours.

You've recognised it, which is a good start.

What have you tried?

Yes, there is help available to you. I had amazing support from the adult ED team in my mid to late 40s.
I am not completely recovered, but I am SO much better.
I can also go back to them if I need to. Just knowing that helps me more than anything actually. It feels like the net is still there to catch me if I need it.

Have you seen your GP?

I think some counselling would be helpful to help you have some more compassion for yourself. You did what you needed to do to survive and cope 🩷

Thank you for all the replies. I've been hiding from my issues and this post since I started the thread.
I've hidden everything from my family and live in fear of being caught out. I'm scared my children are going to have food problems because of me.
I've not been to my GP but have thought about it. Actually doing it feels a bit daunting though.
It's good to hear that there is hope and I hope your are all doing okay on your own journeys.

Yes, of course, you can change at any age. And 40 is not old at all.

Definitely see GP, @Glitterypolishedturd

And look at Victoria Kleinsman. She has some good stuff.

I don't think you can beat it by 'choosing a better diet' to stick to.
It's not rooted in food, it's in our heads and bodies. That's the thing we need to work on, not what we eat.

I'm currently working 'no restrictions'. It's the restrictions and rules that cause the secrecy and bingeing. It's so hard to accept!

Hi I’m not entirely through it but I stopped purging six times a day in my early 30s, now 51. I did it alone and with no support. Can you identify where the pressure is coming from? I had (have) overbearing parents. It’s much better now my dad is dead and I don’t see my mum. I can directly connect my ED to my mother. It also came from the fact that I wanted to be really skinny. If you’re the same, analyse where that’s coming from. Is it to have control (which you begin with control over your body)? Is it to fit in? Is it to alleviate fear? To make excuses for not really living? I didn’t live when I was ill… but there was so much pressure on me, it was my way of coping (& also of punishing myself - I was permanently in pain from hunger). I wish you well OP. Life is too short. Don’t waste any more of it. Don’t waste the next 20 years on this. Be kind to yourself. What’s happened in the past, you can’t change. You can only start today, on a better (for you) path. Or so I tell myself…

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I've downloaded the nourishly app and am on a 2 day streak of no restrictions, binging or purging. I'm a snarky cowbag though without my coping mechanism, so I hope that calms down soon.
I've had some very difficult times with family growing up, experienced a degree of mental and physical abuse when I was very young. I grew up with naturally very slim mum and sister whilst I was a bit chubby. Sister was popular at school whilst I was a bit of a weirdo. I don't blame my sister or mum, etc for my problems with food, but realise it may have some impact on my self esteem.
I was very slim as a young adult, but my bulimia was so horrific that my mental health was in the toilet (pardon the pun).
I'm trying to look forward and be kinder to myself. I've also reminded myself that I shouldn't be trying to lose weight whist dealing with an eating disorder, so it's the first time I've taken myself off a diet in a really long time.
If I fail at trying to do it by myself, I'll seriously consider the GP.

I don't think you can beat it by 'choosing a better diet' to stick to.

Not in terms of 'good' and bad foods, but I'm under Eating Disorders services and the main thing they emphasise is having regular meals- 3 meals a day and ideally a couple of snacks too. This stops us getting overly hungry and going on a bender.

If I fail at trying to do it by myself, I'll seriously consider the GP.

It needn't be an either/or @Glitterypolishedturd , do both. Also, they will have the most evidence-based approach. Let's face it, we need all the help we can get.

Well done on 2 days- yay! You might feel snarky sometimes, but soon your brain and emotions will register that you're not doing the 'weird stuff' to your body anymore and you'll feel more energetic and stable.

To get any help from Eating Disorders Services (if you're lucky) is going to take many months anyway. So you might as well get on the list. You'll still have plenty of time to work on stuff yourself x

i read somewhere that bulimia/anorexia is more often seen in people with autism. You mention being “a weirdo” as a kid. Do you think you might actually be a bit non NT? If so, maybe other support could help you, or even an understanding of an additional something you may have? I honestly don’t know what support there is for autism (or say ADHD), or how easy it is to access support, but even a diagnosis may have helped me back in the day. Maybe we are too hard on ourselves when additional stuff is going on? Good luck OP.