Bond with the ED

[Darkparadice]

I would like to explain something I feel and ask if anybody else has ever felt this way or is this just an especially abnormal “relationship” I have.
I feel such a strong and close bond to the ED which makes it so hard to avoid.
It’s like it really really cares about me. Like it’s there for me truly and is something very special.
I have a whole playlist dedicated to songs that feel like it’s talking to me or the other way around that I know that I shouldn’t listen to but when it starts to take over at any point I do listen.
If anyone else has ever felt this way how (if you have managed to) have to stopped that bond/closeness feeling you have?
I can feel it sucking me back in right now and although I would currently describe myself as fat at 12 stone something (officially overweight on the BMI chart) and am currently aiming to loose 3 stone I want to avoid the dieting developing into something I previously struggled with. At my worst I was 5 1/2 stone lighter than I am now, around 4 years ago, and very unwell mentally.
I think the worst part is that I struggle with my mental health generally and so the ED feelings are always present whatever my physical weight.

I think it’s really common actually.

But the bond is with an abusive boyfriend. You have been seduced and love bombed, until it was pay-back time.

Everyone knows it’s hard to leave an abuser, and that some people never do. But if a man did the damage to you that your ED does- he would be in prison.

Abuse always leaks out, and whatever ‘Specials’ you think you are getting- basically you are being the narcissistic supply to an abuser that will kill you.

If you have this bond. You need the Freedom Programme to help you see that your abuser will never stop, and that only you can save yourself from his evil clutches.

As a MN regular regularly says “What are you getting out this relationship right now?”.