Hello!
My daughter is almost 16. She is a quirky soul, very artistic, strong willed and humorous. She has a history of anxiety and has previously had issues with phobias and also OCD, which she has pretty much overcome, or at least they don’t affect her life so much. She likes to be in control.
At school around 6 months ago, people started calling her ‘football face’ - the girl who started this was previously a friend of my daughters and knew her insecurities around her face. (There was/is nothing wrong with her face). At the time she was 5’4 and around 8.5 stone. She has always been very athletic and competes for her town in 100m races far and wide.
unbeknownst to us she started to restrict her food intake at breakfast and lunch. Always eating a good dinner.
around 2 months ago we were on a family holiday abroad and we all really noticed firstly how thin she had become (summer clothes) and secondly how little she was eating.
We are now in a position where she is 7 stone. And is counting calories. Believing she knows how many calories are in things and how much she should eat. Her periods have stopped and she has very low heart rate.
we have recently been seen by a lovely doctor who has referred her to many different clinics/appointments. Most of which are yet to kick in
when talking to her about this, she is very open and honest. She says that school makes the problem worse. That she has no friends, that she has very low mood and very little enjoyment in anything. She has recently failed her mocks and as a result will be returning to school in September in bottom sets (previously top)
her whole life is spent thinking about, talking about and planning, food, meals and calories.
my question is this:
we have found a therapist who can work with my daughter. We spoke about what this would entail, and it would start as family therapy.
The family therapist then mentioned how at some point we would have to pass off my daughter’s therapy work to cahms, and when I asked if we could continue to work together as well as cahms she said ‘teenagers often don’t want to continue working with me, as I don’t tell them the things they want to hear, but we might be able to work something out.’
Now I’m fully aware that straight talking is needed in eating disorders, and I long for someone other than me to tell things to my daughter! But I also think she needs someone to listen to her and act as though she is important, validate some of her worries, or help her explore them at least (as both DH and I tend to get exasperated with her after the first time she tells us something)
what are your thoughts on counselling? How should it be?
is family therapy the right thing for us?
my daughter is eating. She eats 3 meals a day and is maintaining her (low) weight, though refusing to put any on.
some days she thinks ‘Sod it’ and eats everything in sight. My guy is telling me she needs straight talking sure, but also a safe space in which to explore her worries over friends, her body dysmorphia and other anxieties?