I am just in the waiting room at CAMHS. DS16 has gone for his physical health assessment.
I'm just looking for a handhold. DS doesn't want me to have any involvement in the appointment other than that he has agreed for me to have my individual session with the clinician. There is such a conflict between being still responsible for this 16 year old child (I know he is a young adult but legally, he's still a child) and yet, he can see health practitioners without me and keep me completely in the dark. How can a parent effectively support if they don't know what is being advised or discussed? I feel at a total loss. I'm still hoping he will at least consent to sharing information. He just says it's his mental health and he wants to deal with it himself.
I am feeling all sorts of things and very emotional. I just keep thinking of all the ways I could have been a better mum and wishing that I could go back and do his life again. I feel like my relationship with him is so shallow and awkward now, that I don't know the real him and I'm unsure that it is recoverable.
I am sitting here trying not to cry. All the other mums here have gone in with their children.