Help a teenager widen acceptable food

[swaninbay]

My DS is almost 16, and since aged 18 months been a picky eater. Now his diet is a healthy-ish one, he's over six foot, high protein, but I do worry when he goes away from home to college his food limitations will severely hamper his social life. And as a quiet boy, he doesn't need food to be an additional issue.

Going out to eat, the only food he would eat is breaded chicken, fish and chips, burgers, steak. Lunch is very difficult. Same thing every day.

I really want to help him with this. He says it's the textures he finds difficult rather than the taste. New foods can't go on the same plate.

What is a good approach to help him with this. It would be good if he could eat pizza, pasta, a curry / Chinese of sorts. Then he can join in usual student social events.

Reading posts. It sounds like arfid, but he is older than most parents are posting about.

My DS sounds similar. He’s now almost 22.

The foods he eats have broadened a little very gradually. It’s definitely sensory with DS and he will always smell new things before trying and if he doesn’t like the smell that’s it.

When he went to uni initially he lived on some safe ready meals and takeaway. Then lockdown happened and he came home. He did at one point end up going to Wagamama’s with friends and ordered chicken katsu and liked it so now that a new meal on our rotation. He tried a butter chicken and likes that now so we will do that. Will eat any meat pretty much but not keen on veg.

Peer pressure doesn’t seem to have made much difference. He did end up coming coming home from uni in his second year and chose to just stay home last year but is definitely moving away in September to do a Masters so it will be interesting to see how that goes.

I think not putting pressure on is important. I did often get frustrated with DS but it didn’t help.

My son was the same (now 22) and being away from has actually improved his "safe" foods.

I also think that that age group is much more accepting and understanding of issues relating to food and food choice.

My DS had the odd uncomfortable night out or situation, but on the whole he learnt to deal with his issues in a wider group setting, and made him less self conscious about it.
Try not to worry about him/it, nor make it more of a big deal - I know that's hard!

I have 1 dc diagnosed with afrid, another with asd and gastric problems which severely limits diet.
One thing that did work (suggested by dietitian) was encourage writing a list of safe foods, foods definitely wont try and foods that they are willing to tryand aim to try one new food a week, need to encourage having it several times in a week then

Oh and my DS absolutely has arfid, not formally diagnosed as we were behind the curve a bit. But he is adamant he has it.

I think it might help to look at similar textures/flavours and slow introduction.

So you know he likes : breaded chicken, fish and chips, burgers, steak.

You would like to introduce: pizza, pasta, a curry / Chinese

Chinese:

• sweet and sour chicken balls (sauce separate)
• chips, plain chow main or egg fried rice

If he likes those, try spring rolls or prawn toast, or shrimp fried rice.

Has he tried pizza? Was it the sauce that was the problem as lots of places do variations now with a bbq or white sauce rather than the tomato sauce. What about garlic bread or sides, could he get garlic sticks and chicken wings or popcorn chicken from a pizza place rather than a pizza, that way he'd still be able to order, eat and take part just from the sides menu.

My DD and DSD were both very limited in what they would eat as children but it has improved as they're older. Peer pressure and wanting to be able to eat out with friends more was helpful for my DSD and she has gone from being a beige eater (virtually no fruit or veg) to eating a near 'normal' diet. But this was over several years.
Both DD and DSD find oriental/umami foods more palatable and less yuk than a lot of more traditional English food.
What are the specific food types or textures your DS dislikes?
For DD her gateway food has been spicy and well flavoured foods but no sauces. So salmon baked with soy garlic and ginger, chicken with almost any seasoning - tikka, jerk, Cajun, nandos but initially dry. She has tried and liked katsu and will also eat curries. Having found a few safe sauces she has been encouraged to try others.
I think trying foods that are very similar to safe foods is where we started and to stick with things that always taste the same.

It's really hard - my DS is the same due to autism and (having just come back from holiday) it can be really exhausting dealing with it.

One thing I would say is to not put any pressure on, so don't 'tie' this to something that will or will not contribute to his uni experience, because that's a sure-fire way to make him reduce his willingness to try anything new, ime. Might be better to focus on 'let's find ways to feed you cheaply at uni'.

Pasta would be a great thing to accept (because it's cheap, easily available and most people eat it) but equally there are so many variations of pasta that it can be challenging for spag bog 1 to taste different to spag bog 2.

DS loves one specific brand of pizza, and we've managed to get to the point now that he will eat two slices of any cheese and tom pizza (never more!) by just explaining to him that he knows he likes pizza, he doesn't have to love every type of pizza, but pizza is a thing he'll come across lots in his life, so if he can just be polite and get two slices down, no-one will notice that he's not eaten very much.

Gosh, more common than I realised!

Some great ideas, using foods similar to what he will eat.

He will eat a garlic oil/butter pizza, just not yet with tomato sauce or cheese. So maybe a garlic pizza with the tiniest bit of cheese, till accepted then add a bit of tomato sauce? His brother is a great cook and makes pizzas, but this is only once a month, and from what I read it has to be frequently to work. We just can't be making a pizza every day....

I also like the idea of sweet and sour chicken, for the chicken balls. He eats rice, so that is a possibility for Chinese. 👍👍👍

Going out to eat, the only food he would eat is breaded chicken, fish and chips, burgers, steak.*

Those are fine foods for a tall teenage male.

Lunch is very difficult. Same thing every day.

SO LONG as he's eating lunch every day, the repetition/ boredom factor is his problem, not yours.

When he's away from home and your maternal anxiety , in a completely different social setting, lots of things are going to change for him.

You're both moving on. For you, empty nest . It's scary but parents all do it.

You could practice "living with that new mindset" yourself. Now before he goes. Tell him you're doing it and how hard it is to adjust the 24/7 protective thinking that has filled your maternal head for decades.

Show him, he's not alone. This level of awareness, adjustment to change and self -accounting is what all adults have to contend with.

Maybe with the pizza, go for the garlic base as you say but serve the sauce on the side so he can be in control of dipping.

With the pasta, have you tried roasting gnocchi? Does he eat rice? Orzo is similar. Does he dislike wet foods?

Can you post more foods that he will eat?

As well as already mentioned, he eats plain rice, potatoes in most forms, steak pie, bacon, humous (for lunch with bread), cereals he's ok with, toast, all breads, peas, sweetcorn (frozen and on cob). Fruits, occasionally a banana, apple, melon. Puddings - chocolate anything, or a toffee sponge, ice cream- only some flavours.

It has been easy to maintain his diet as it's simple to shove his stuff in oven, while cooking main meal for everyone else.

Does he cook at all?

I had a long list of things I wouldn't eat, mainly based on texture, but slowly expanded it when I was cooking as I had control.

Initially I was also fussy about what I touched but as time wore on I got a lot happier with touching raw meat or fish.

I still have a list of things I won't eat but it is much shorter, and even shorter still if I cook it myself.

Tbh, I would just leave him to it. You've nearly done your 'shift'..

And I speak as someone with a fussy 16 y/o.
Just 'regular' fussy, though, so I'm not trying to minimise your issue..

Definitely sounds like ARFID to me (I have ARFID too and your DS's comment about textures of food definitely resonates with me. It's absolutely a sensory thing relating primarily to texture, occasionally taste.)

Trying new foods can be very frightening (unpleasant textures have been known to make me gag and vomit) and pressure from others can make mealtimes very stressful. Honestly, my Mum made my life miserable at mealtimes. Don't push certain foods at your DS but give him agency to try new things he's interested in at his own pace. You may find the social environment at college helps. I ate a lot of new foods at Uni because I wanted to fit in with new friends.

Also, hypnosis can help. There's a guy called Felix Economakis who is very good in this area and has hypnotherapy podcasts you can buy. They did me some good.

Yes it definitely sounds like ARFID. My son is 18 and has had ARFID all his life. He is also autistic which is very common in people with ARFID due to rigidity of thought and sensory difficulties.

I would highly suggest food chaining - it can work really well, especially when the person is older and more receptive to reasoning. So for example, as he eats chicken nuggets, see if he’ll expand that to breaded fish nuggets or widen the places he will eat chicken nuggets from, if different brands is an issue for him.

My son has increased the number of foods he will eat - albeit in a cyclical pattern and not all at once but he is definitely starting to be more receptive to widening his safe foods this way.

For someone with ARFID, it might mean you do have to make pizza everyday if it means he will eat.

I have been making homemade shepherds pie every day for months - it’s the only tea DS will currently eat. He won’t accept reheated food so even if I make too much, he won’t eat it and I have start again every night. Exhausting when I have to make us dinner then start peeling potatoes at 8pm but it’s 500 calories so there’s that.

Doesn't sound restricted enough for ARFID. But does sound very typical for ASD. Does he have any other sensory/communication/socialisation issues?

Sounds like ARFID ! I have it too .

I slowly widened my choices . I also tried hypno - hard to say if that was what helped

i would order a Chinese takeaway with a range of food (eg get a starter selection)so he can choose what to try. My fussy DD will eat seaweed, prawn crackers, ribs, duck pancakes without the sauce, egg fried rice and sweet and sour chicken in batter.

I have never liked Indian food before or after university. However when I was there I still went to curry houses in a group and had some of the blander dishes like chicken korma, naan bread and rice as I would not have missed a night out with friends and it was a comparatively cheap meal out

i wouldn’t worry about him having the same lunch every day. Just try and add as much variety as possible to evening meals and encourage him to learn to cook.

my ds is not a particularly fussy eater but if he goes for a meal out either has pizza or burger. He has got through uni ok.