Trying to balance supporting DD with work commitments

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DD16 has recently been diagnosed with an eating disorder. We've been referred to the NHS eating disorders clinic which is super as they are monitoring her and see her once a week. The trouble is that they are at the other end of the county which is a 50 minute drive away. I'm the only one who can take her there as DW is not comfortable with the drive, which is dual carriage ways and motorways. We don't have any others who could help with the appointments and there's no realistic public transport option.

They have occasionally asked us to make other trips there at very little notice. They offered to provide me a with a letter for my company, but when I saw it, I couldn't give them it as it essentially said that I wouldn't be able to perform my work duties! I'm the only breadwinner and this has placed a lot of pressure on me to support DD while also holding down a full time job. Mostly the meetings are for medical obs, so I've asked if these could be done in her home town and the results sent through, but the clinic isn't keen.

On the other side, despite banging on about the importance of mental health and family, my company have not been particularly helpful about taking time out to attend these meetings, saying only that I have to take annual leave to make these, and only when they approve it. Next week for example, the clinic have asked us to come at lunchtime on Thursday which essentially means I have to take the whole day off but my company are unhappy, because I'm on call for a system that day and no-one else can take my place.

I know some will say that DD comes first and I should focus on her, but we have other children and a big mortgage, so it's not possible simply to walk away from work - believe me, I'd love to!

I don't believe that the company are obliged to offer paid or even unpaid time off (other than compassionate unpaid leave which has to be booked in blocks of weeks and therefore is not appropriate)

I'm trying to find if other companies offer paid leave or flexibility for this kind of situation but I'm afraid I don't know where to turn. Does anyone have any similar experience they could share. Feel broken under the strain of trying to manage these two obligations - aside from all of the normal parenting duties ! Thanks.

Speaking from the point of view of a former anorexic teen: if it is at all possible for your wife to drive DD to the appointment, please do it. DD will be exhausted enough, both physically and mentally, without adding extra time and public transport to the journey.

Can she do one or two drives with you (and DD) as passengers?

Once you have used up your compassionate leave days, I doubt your employer would be happy you missing a whole day of work for a midday apt.

why doesn’t your DW go with you? If it is a 50min drive, you can then work in your car whilst DW does the apt. So in theory you only miss 1hr 40 mins, whilst she learns to drive a route.

or your DW and child does the 2.5hrs by public transport. It will take all day, but you will still have a job.

Sorry - should say, only allowed 5 days a year for personal circumstances. After that it is unpaid.

You PAY a driving school instructor for a couple of hours to sit beside DW as she drives to and from the appointment centre ( not on appt day or with DC) .
You could also buy her some motorway driving lessons.
Then she drives DC to and from her appts, audio prompted by google if that healps.