The fear of food has returned

[RyVeeta]

And I have low ferritin, low vitamin d, a stoma and lung cancer. Steroids have made me so overweight that I don’t recognise myself. Not sure where to go or what to do, I need to lose weight, it would make things like moving around easier but I’m unable to move (wheelchair user). Dr today when talking about it blithely said we’ll sort out physio as you’d need to be on 600 calories a day to lose weight. I’ve been on around that for a week or two now.
I know it’s not great. I’ve not been sick but the thought of eating makes me feel sick.
im in my sixties. This never bloody leaves you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I'm 39 & back having therapy for disordered eating. They haven't decided what label to give me this time, previously I've been bulimic & then anorexic. (literally had probs as long as I can remember). You so right though, I thought I was managing myself fine then 2yrs ago stress triggered it again. I was at bmi 35 (binge eating) then so had the weight to lose, now I'm 22.9 down from 23.9 in the last week. I want to 'fix' it for my daughters sake but atm the 'voice' is so much louder than rational me.
What probs have you had in the past? (if you don't mind me asking, you don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable). If it's restricting, surely the doctor shouldn't have suggested you restrict to 600 cals a day 🤔 that kind of restriction would 100% have triggered me again. Have you tried stocking up on veg/salad/fruit. You can eat alot of that & feel full & the calorie content isn't there so you'd be sticking to doctors orders & getting plenty of vitamins the same time.

thank you!
problems in the past, a mother who had me on a permanent diet from the age of ten ~ I really didn’t need to be. She was horrifically controlling and abusive. I would get the shit beaten out of me if I ‘cheated’ on said diet. I did the majority of the cooking and housework too! Add to this she would go on about how much I was depriving my siblings because she had to spend more money on my food!
Lifelong problems compounded to being married to a man just like her for 24 years!
Last wee was triggered by a combination of GP visit, awaiting Ct results (tomorrow) and walking into the kitchen to find a photo of seriously abusive ex lying on the kitchen table.

I'm so sorry, you really have had a shit time of it. My mother's a full on narcissist & still to this day uses me to get her attention/praise. Therapist is trying to look into trauma being my underlying prob, I agree with her but we just don't have enough time to delve into all the trauma I've had. (we're talking being physically & emotionally abused by exes, raped by one of them & sexually abused by a guy I worked for after school when I was like 14 that's without my darling mother). I know stress is my trigger & my ex landlord breaking into my daughters bedroom when we were out & ransacking the place & locking me out is what triggered me this time. That's getting dealt with but you as you know when it comes to these ED they take on a life of their own, so once the stress goes Ed is still there.
Does your gp know your history? I'm sure there's a better way forward for you than restricting you to 600 cals. People that do intermittent fasting are allowed 500cals on a fast so it's basically like they've told you to fast.
Can't say I've got much in ways of advice tbh, maybe try a different doctor & explain a little bit about your probs with food (easier said than done I know). I'm kind of really in the thick of my Ed atm but I'm here if you want someone to talk to. It's can be nice to talk to people that 'get it.'
Hope your results come back with some positive news for you 🤞

Oh good it sounds like you’ve been through hell, I really feel for you.
I have been lucky this time, my results came back as clear, hurrah.
Got an iron deficiency and same with vit d, but no surprises there.
How are you doing?

Oh god! Not good! 😳

That's fab news with your results. I'm bet its a weight off your shoulders. How have you been? OK?
I'm waiting on my gp to phone atm, had my weigh in yesterday so will have grief for losing again & my therapist emailed him on Friday to tell him that I'm bleeding when I go to the toilet coz of the laxitives I take. Tbh I feel fine, I know I'm not but I feel it

I am so sorry for you, and what is happening....
Honestly! Bloody doctors, sometimes.

Is there any chance of a local (charity?) ED service that you can maybe self-refer to?
There is one somewhat local to me, and I had I think 18 sessions of Counselling (no/low cost), although it was largely the emotional aspects - but as you know. it's all connected.
I tried to re-self-refer, as you are allowed to do that - but then CoVid hit.

600 calories is ridiculous - and obviously they didn't read the the "A calorie is not just a calorie" memo. Your nutritional requirements need to be met, as I am sure you know.
That low would eff up your metabolism, probably not do your health any good, and may result in a massive rebound.
I am here if you want to talk 🤗

Awww thank you 😘I've been on the beat website & got as far as the we chat page but not actually got the courage to actually engage with them. My gp is so patient with me tbf, he's got an interest with eating disorders & does try his best but the system is so broken it tough. My therapist has extended our sessions by another 10 weeks & she's trying to get me referred for asd/adhd help as well (it seems I have both). We are looking at the whole trauma thing & my relationship with my mother. I'm lucky that I've clicked with her, I'm dreading having to see other people coz you never know if you'll get on with them & having a good relationship with your team is so important (as you prob know).
I totally agree that 600 cals is pathetic (even if you don't have issues around good) even though your not mobile you should be on at least 1000 surely, you'd probably still lose weight at around the 1200 mark depending on what kind of exercise you can manage. It really grips me when the docs just don't bother to read the notes, even getting past the receptionist these days is like the Spanish inquisition 🤣

@Sickofthisshit84

Ah, I missed that you were already seeing someone; that's good. Yes, it is important that the "get" you, as it can be such a struggle on all levels so see someone and get along with them.
Also so so good that you Dr has at least some interest - but he is so wrong with the 600 cals..... Most humans need a certain no. of calories (and nutrients) to have a functioning brain, let alone anything else - regardless of being somewhat immobile.
That is literally starvation.
One of the first things I was given to read when I started with the ED service - was the Minnesota Starvation Experiment (I have no idea why though) - and even the participants in that were on over 1000 calories per day. And it did have long-term consequences.

One thing that has always struck me is how easily the calories can rack up in unhealthy foods, and yet how much you "can" (bad word) eat when eating healthy foods - so as PP said earlier, lots and lots of veggies would come in low in the calories intake. But again, I do not think it's the thing to do. For you, or for anyone.

The Dr's view seems very simplistic - much along the lines of Eat Less Move More.
If only it could be so simple - which of course, it is not for you.

On a practical basis, one thing that I believe almost literally saved my life, was to start using a digital pressure cooker with it's timer and keep warm facilities.
From someone who was barely eating (and yet not losing weight), I did start to make actual meals with fresh and frozen vegetables, and meat substitutes. I am always learning and experimenting - but do go in fits starts due to, like you, intermittent fear of food - and only least night made scrambled eggs - which came out the best ever (just using the saute, no pressure involved).

Oh, don't get me started on Receptionists; I nearly banned myself from here due to a thread on that very subject!

I’ve bought Avocados this week and creamed spinach to try and shove the calories up, I found I was having a bagel in the morning and three crispbreads in the evening. You forget how bloody easy it is to go from a plate of spag Bol to crispbreads and yogurt!