Support thread (8)for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome to anyone who is a parent/carer of a young person who has (or suspects may have) an eating disorder.

We're experts by experience and will share our insight - but obviously we're not medically endorsed, we celebrate all our small wins and provide a space for relief from the intensity of supporting a young person whether pre teen, teen or young adult with any eating disorder

Oh little you are not a bad parent, bloody teenagers, it's a wonder we're not all alcoholics/completely grey by the time they reach adulthood!!! As it is I feel like I've aged ten years over the last couple of years. I can completely see my dd doing something like that with a tattoo kit - little buggers!!

Tbh I think it's shocking you can buy those kits online, that's terrible.

How do I react to this? Now DD has admitted that her friend didn't do one and she has no idea how long it will last - and she's furious that I've confiscated it.

I can see a food refusal coming on and I have a hugely busy work week coming up with an event where I'm charing panels and running workshops etc

But I have to be hard on this - she doesn't seem to understand why I'm not allowing her to give herself multiple tattoos? Argh

I thought that 🤪😂

I am so shocked you can buy them online!

Oops! Yes sorry LittlePickleHead you are NOT a bad parent!

Oh God little I'm not sure, I'd definitely take away any ability she has to buy stuff online, I might talk to the school as well as I imagine they'll take a dim view of tattoos....

Any food refusal I'd have a zero tolerance approach to and confiscate phone/March down to a&e etc.

Does the tattoo look sore? It might be worth getting a dr to look at it to make sure it's not infected or anything 🫤

Does ED come alongside anxiety or are they separate issues? Went to a social event last night partner left early with her as she looked so uncomfortable being there we had talked about it before but it was my dads birthday so couldn’t not go. She looked like a bag of nerves. Went to cinema today she held her hand over her face on one side for the whole film, she said she couldn’t stand to look at anyone eating. At one point she told her brother off because it was stressing her out (he was eating chocolate) . I should have realised this would upset her but it also wouldn’t be fair to not allow him to have anything. It seems minor but not being able to go for meals, no bbqs , cinema pretty much everything in life seems to revolve people eating I’ve never noticed this before. It must be really horrible for her if this is really triggering. She’s been scratching her belly as well. How do you go for days out or out anywhere with a child that is so upset about eating? She only wants to eat at home and likes routine of set times at the moment. (She doesn’t have autism or any of these traits before) she is eating when we give her food but I think her mental health is very bad at the moment.

Yeah, same with DC. Gatherings she used to enjoy she now avoids.
Gets upset if there is any deviation of her meal plan.
There was delay on the motorway so late in getting back home. She made my husband stop so she could buy her planned snack. Apparently she sounded a bit panicky so he thought she was desperate for the toilet....

Whippetlovely, yes sadly that's how it is with dd. We don't eat out, unless its a picnic in the car, and don't do much socially. The only exception is when she's with her friends and she manages to mask how uncomfortable she is for the sake of seeing them.

It sounds like your dd is really trying but it gets to a point where she can't cope. If possible I'd keep trying to do things but think about how you can make it easier for dd, as once you stop doing things it becomes harder to start again. Maybe book cinema for quieter times and a quiet corner seat, or try and see family and friends at a time when food isn't the main part of the get together.

I absolutely HATE this new life. Being totally selfish, I know, but I just hate it. 😥 Everything revolves around her eating, her moods, her appointments, her prescriptions… 2 months ago my life was so different. We went out for dinner, did day trips with picnics or ate on the fly. She ate school dinners and I had lunch breaks with my colleagues. I hadn’t had a panic attack in 4 years but had one huge one last week and could break into one at any point now I’m sure. She’s unpleasant to be around, refuses to get up in time in the mornings and talks to me like sh*t on her shoe. I just want my old life back. OUR old life. And I just know it’s never really going to happen, or certainly no time soon. I’m depressed and want to run away. Yet tomorrow, I’ll get up and do it all again. 😢😢😢

edited to add that in between joining here and posting this, I had a panic attack. Great!

She's probably so hungry that watching other people eat is two things at once. Temptation for her normal self wanting to eat coupled with intense bullying by the ED saying she is a greedy cow etc. I imagine the stress of resisting food whislt simultaneously being told off by the ED for even wanting food must be incredibly difficult. Set times and snacks ease this burden as the ED can be appeased by ' I have to eat this'.
Although challenging the ED is important it's not an easy thing to do and so things that were enjoyable and easy are not. Enjoying those events becomes impossible.
I only had to watch my DD go through the pain of a chocolate advent calendar to see that first hand!
In our experience the anxiety was down to the ED. If it wasn't there before the illness. And went after.

@Hennups sorry things are so tough for you. We are here to listen if it helps to let us know a bit more about your DC?
I remember well that feeling of the treadmill..it is truly awful how small.life becomes.
But recovery is possible and life can get back to some normality. Hold onto that maybe?

Thanks for your reply. My daughter, 9, stopped eating about 7 weeks ago. But she’s hungry and really WANTS to eat. She feels like she can’t swallow so she spits solids out. Now she won’t even attempt them. It’s called ‘globus sensation’, the feeling of something blocking her throat. Not for saliva or drinks. Or melted chocolate or meringues. Just normal, chewable food (all savoury stuff really). She cries over the fact she can’t eat. She really wants to eat. There’s nothing physically in her throat. We’re assuming it’s ARFID. I just want my little girl back. Unharmed.

Blimey hens that sounds really stressful, is your dd under a paediatrician? Has she lost weight? Does she drink okay?

@Hennups
That sounds all incredibly stressful. I hope you have good support. DD has anorexia so no experience and advice what you are facing.

@Whippetlovely We don't eat out, and haven't for a long time. Only the mealplan feels safe for her at the moment. If there are things my other child wants to do, we just split the family up. One parent out with DD1 and one at home with DD2. If DD wants to see friends, they are coming over to ours (so we can support/supervise DD through snacks and meals). Anything else is just too stressful and not worth it for us and DD right now. Our world just seems to be shrinking atm.

(Sorry for change of username - it didn’t remember me from yesterday!)
She has a referral to the paediatrician but that can take ages. Weighed her last night and she’s lost again, so that’s 7lb in total in 5 weeks. Not horrendous but that’s WITH the help of shakes etc.

@Hennups Sorry to hear about your situation. I think the immediately important thing is to stop her losing more weight, as a calorie deficit can actually lead to anorexia. Ther are nutritionally-dense drinks (Fortisip, Ensure or Boost) that are given to AN patients or others, such as the elderly, who have trouble eating. They are available on prescription. I'd also give her a multi-vitamin every day to protect her organs.

Hi. She drinks an Aymes complete drink (300 cals) at breakfast, lunch and dinner times. The rest is anything else she’ll eat, as often as possible, except now she’s started saying she’s full or feels sick!

Hennups Your poor dd. I'm so sorry. That sounds really distressing for you all. Surely she needs to be seen ASAP if she physically can't eat solid food? Losing weight quickly as Nan said can lead to many physical and mental issues that can take a long time to recover from. Your dd is still so young that the quicker this gets sorted the better the outcome. Can you call the GP and insist on being referred quickly? If they are unwilling to help you could take her to A&E. Being unable to eat IS an emergency. Sending you love ❤️

Hen are you confident this isn't anorexia as it definitely sounds like it could be, the lump in the throat could just be a red herring to divert you from making her eat?

I may just be getting cynical when it comes to kids and not eating though!

That weight loss is a huge concern, she urgently needs a dietitian referral and I'd ask for all her obs to be checked at least weekly so bp and heart rate. Has she had bloods tests and an ecg?

Is she at school or on bed/sofa rest?

If she will drink fluids will she drink calorie laden milkshakes and smoothies?

She will feel sick if she's loosing weight, she needs around three times the amount of calories she's currently getting to regain what she's loosing.

I echo pp that not being able to eat is a medical emergency so take her to a&e and ask them to do all the assessments on her.

If it is a genuine issue with swallowing then could you try soup (can puree any soup down so its smooth so more calorific ones like chicken, vrsamy soups with actual cream in etc, smoothies (I have a 700 kcal recipe I can give you), hot chocolate made with double cream mixed in, mashed potato with cream and butter in, smooth bolognaise sauce (I used to ourer it when mine were little!), sloppy ready brek?
I am sure you have but if you want ideas to beef thing up cal wise we cannot all chip in!
As others have said its imperative she doesn't lose anymore weight that in itself can trigger AN and then you will be in an even bigger hole.

OMG the typos... sorry.
Creamy soups
Puree
And we can all chip in!
🤦‍♀️

We have a paediatrician referral but not dietician. Honestly, the gp just seems casual about it?! We got bloods done. All normal.
She’s at school. I’m a teacher there so eat lunch with her. single mum so being off with her unpaid isn’t an option. She’s full of beans so bedrest would never happen. Yet.
She won’t drink fruit smoothies but we’re trying thicker shakes. She’s mega mega fussy too, so soups, mince, mash, purées etc won’t go in. She just says no. Hot chocolate with cream could work. She CAN swallow and CAN eat, just has decided that ‘Bob’, who now lives in her throat, stops her from doing so.
I thought AN was about body image? It really doesn’t fit with her I don’t think. She’s confident with her body.

🤷🏻‍♀️
Thank you all so much!

@Hennups13 for dd it was never about body image. It was about having to justify what she was eating, like she'd earned it.

@Hennups13
That is a lot of weight loss in a short time. Not eating enough and a fast weight drop can cause sudden electrolyte changes in the body which affect the heart and then it becomes an emergency. DD lost 5-6 pounds in 3 weeks. On a Sat, I took her to a&e to get bloods and ECG done, alongside heart rate and blood pressure. All (still) normal. 2 days later, her heart rate dropped under 40, low body temperature, abnormal ECG and she was admitted to the HDU as she was so unwell. We were inpatient for several weeks. If she is not eating enough, do not hesitate to take her to a&e as she needs certain checks. DD still full of beans the day she was admitted. It's not always obvious from the outside how unwell they are.

If her weight drops below a certain point, she will have to be on bed rest and will be unable to attend school.